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ChattyKathy
LIF Infant
Member since 8/07 346 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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After the Wedding Gift List
My mother and mother in law asked for a list of how much everyone gave me for my weddin
I felt very uncomfortable doing it. I kept telling them I had it and would give it to them and never did. Their explanations were well how do I know how much to give other people when I go to their children's weddings. Or I want to know because I have already gone to weddings and want to see what they gave because I know what I gave to their kids.
I don't like it at all. I told my mom, that is not why I had a wedding. I told them I did not feel comfortable with it. You shouldn't base what you give someone on what they give you, do what you think is appropiate. If that is the case, we are giving my husband's cousin next year $50 when they get married. We can't go to their wedding nad give them $50, I'd be embarassed.
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Posted 11/7/07 1:38 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Why would they want that? Thats way out of line to ask for that IMO. I'd tell them its none of their business and you are not going to give it to them.
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| Posted 11/7/07 1:41 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by SweetTooth
Why would they want that? Thats way out of line to ask for that IMO. I'd tell them its none of their business and you are not going to give it to them.
I agree.
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| Posted 11/7/07 1:42 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Plain and simple...it is none of her business. I would tell her that too.
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| Posted 11/7/07 1:44 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Diane
Posted by SweetTooth
Why would they want that? Thats way out of line to ask for that IMO. I'd tell them its none of their business and you are not going to give it to them.
I agree.
I also agree.
ETA: My daughter just got married. She invited 6 couples that were mine & DH's friends. I would never ask her what they gave.
Message edited 11/7/2007 2:00:18 PM.
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| Posted 11/7/07 1:51 PM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. They don't necessarily give the exact same amount, but they use it as a guideline. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My father has cousins who have plenty of money, more than my family, but gave a very cheap gift when I got married, from 8 people. My parents are going to keep that in mind when deciding what to give their kids.
Message edited 11/7/2007 1:57:05 PM.
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| Posted 11/7/07 1:55 PM |
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alnem
This is gonna be a good year!
Member since 2/06 9562 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
my IL's asked for the same thing (my parents didnt) because thats how their family is. DH's side has been known to go to weddings with the envelopes open so that if they dont like the food or the music suked or whatever they would take money out of your gift! yes ladies and gentleman, this is what i have to deal with!
but this is how they do things and i was lucky that everyone was very generous at our wedding. so i gave them a list (only for those on DH's side) to make sure they return the favor!
Message edited 11/7/2007 3:11:06 PM.
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| Posted 11/7/07 1:55 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
There is no way in hell I would tell anyone what anyone else gave us. DH knows how I feel about it.
I cannot believe that people feel entitled to know these things.
Ask her for full disclosure on her assets - see how she responds.
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| Posted 11/7/07 1:56 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
my mom actually asked for this from us, too. but she just wanted to know about immediate family ( my cousins).weddings aren't about the gifts ( you wouldn't beleive how much less we got than what we paid for the wedding-- but who cares?! they all came and had fun and thats what matters  )
but my mom has always been big on keeping things fair and equal, so she just wants to make sure she doesn't "over" or "under" give. it doesn't mean shes going to give the exact same that they gave me, but she'll at least have an idea of what they gave. i don't really see a problem with it...
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| Posted 11/7/07 1:57 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
We weren't asked for our entire list but, we've been asked to help them as a guide for weddings they've been to since ours.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:00 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Just say "No, I'm sorry. It's personal and we're not comfortable sharing that information." People need to learn that "no" is a perfectly acceptable answer!
To be honest, you should have said this the first time they asked for it, instead of leading them to believe you would actually give it to them.
I'd never give this information to anyone. It's no one else's business.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:01 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
You are not the only outsider. While I agree, you should give what you want to give to a couple, why should someone get my hard earned $ in excess of what they gave me, even if it IS the thought of giving a gift for the couple? I had friends that gave me $150 at my wedding, I was very thankful that they gave me a gift. But I did not give them more than $150 at their wedding.
I had a set of my parents friends that gave me a $, and my mom asked what it was because she was going to their daughter's wedding. I had no problem telling her what it was, not because she didn't want to give them over what they gave me, but so that she didn't look dumb if they had given me more than what she had planned.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:02 PM |
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pugmama
April already?
Member since 3/06 5297 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Both my mom and my mil asked. They would not have taken no for an answer.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:05 PM |
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imas98
Love my Furbaby
Member since 10/07 1140 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by neener1211
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts, and my mom does call me to see what someone gave me before she decides what to give their children. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
You are not the only outsider. While I agree, you should give what you want to give to a couple, why should someone get my hard earned $ in excess of what they gave me, even if it IS the thought of giving a gift for the couple? I had friends that gave me $150 at my wedding, I was very thankful that they gave me a gift. But I did not give them more than $150 at their wedding.
I had a set of my parents friends that gave me a $, and my mom asked what it was because she was going to their daughter's wedding. I had no problem telling her what it was, not because she didn't want to give them over what they gave me, but so that she didn't look dumb if they had given me more than what she had planned.
Just the other day my mom asked me how much one of her friends gave us because her friends daughter is now getting married....I just told her....never thought it was inappropriate to ask 
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:11 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by neener1211
I had no problem telling her what it was, not because she didn't want to give them over what they gave me, but so that she didn't look dumb if they had given me more than what she had planned.
i agree... i think its more to use as a guidline, then to give back exactly what you got. if my uncle gave me $300, my parents don't want to go to his daughters wedding and give $150...
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:11 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Geeze, I got married only 3 months ago and I barely remember what anyone gave us. (Thank yous went out ages ago)... I sure as heck don't keep a list or keep tabs on what people gave us.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:14 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Kara
Geeze, I got married only 3 months ago and I barely remember what anyone gave us. (Thank yous went out ages ago)... I sure as heck don't keep a list or keep tabs on what people gave us.
I have a list, not only for my own sake, but bc some people gave us actual gifts and I wanted to remember to thank them personally for that gift in detail.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:16 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by neener1211
Posted by Kara
Geeze, I got married only 3 months ago and I barely remember what anyone gave us. (Thank yous went out ages ago)... I sure as heck don't keep a list or keep tabs on what people gave us.
I have a list, not only for my own sake, but bc some people gave us actual gifts and I wanted to remember to thank them personally for that gift in detail.
me too! i still have it even 2 years later. we were the first of our friends, and one of the first in both our families to get married, so its nice to have to look at now that i'm getting invited to everybody else's showers, weddings, etc.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:18 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
my MIL said the same thing to me, she HAD to know who gave us what (IN her familimy)
 quite tacky if you ask me
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:21 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
My Dad and Grandma asked
My Dad wanted to know what my inlaws gave- since my Dad footed the bill for the whole wedding-
and my Grandma wanted to make sure her gifts were in line with what she was giving as gifts
they didn't make me go down the list of everyone- mostly just family members
it wasn't a big deal
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:24 PM |
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ml110
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 5435 total posts
Name:
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
i guess i have a different perspective on this because of our situation. DH and i were the first of our friends, and the first in either of our families to get married in a long time. so people just had no idea what to give us. his family is all from PA, so the average gift from them was about $50 a couple, and from our friends it was about $50 a person. we ended up with $5000 total in gifts....
NOT THAT I DON"T APPRECIATE IT... but i think its nice to know this and have it written down, so that now that my parents and i are getting invited to all of our guests weddings, we don't go crazy on the gifts. it might sound nasty, but why should i give $200 or $300 to someone who gave me $150 at mine?
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:30 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by ml110
i guess i have a different perspective on this because of our situation. DH and i were the first of our friends, and the first in either of our families to get married in a long time. so people just had no idea what to give us. his family is all from PA, so the average gift from them was about $50 a couple, and from our friends it was about $50 a person. we ended up with $5000 total in gifts....
NOT THAT I DON"T APPRECIATE IT... but i think its nice to know this and have it written down, so that now that my parents and i are getting invited to all of our guests weddings, we don't go crazy on the gifts. it might sound nasty, but why should i give $200 or $300 to someone who gave me $150 at mine?
I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I think you should give what you can afford, redardless of what they gave you
That is JMHO 
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:31 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
I don't really think it's anyones business. If someone was very unthoughtful (like DH's aunt and entourage...family of 7 who stiffed completely) I mentioned it to my inlaws just so they'd be aware for the next function.
We, however, did keep a list for our own sake so we know what the "average rate" is for when we are invited to an affair.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:31 PM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by Jax430
See, I guess I'm an outlier here, but this sounds normal to me. First of all, both sets of our parents were with us while we opened the gifts
Us too... both our parents were there when we opened the cards. And after the fact my parents asked who gave what and we told them. I don't think there's anything wrong with it... they don't use it as a guideline for what to give anyone else.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:34 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: After the Wedding Gift List
Posted by ml110
Posted by neener1211
Posted by Kara
Geeze, I got married only 3 months ago and I barely remember what anyone gave us. (Thank yous went out ages ago)... I sure as heck don't keep a list or keep tabs on what people gave us.
I have a list, not only for my own sake, but bc some people gave us actual gifts and I wanted to remember to thank them personally for that gift in detail.
me too! i still have it even 2 years later. we were the first of our friends, and one of the first in both our families to get married, so its nice to have to look at now that i'm getting invited to everybody else's showers, weddings, etc.
I DID thank those people who gave boxed gifts personally - and in great detail - for the gift. I wrote what they gave us on the card. If I made no notation on the card, that means they gave us $. I didn't write down a dollar amount as that would be useless to me. I'm going to thank EVERYONE who gave cash for the generous gift, regardless of the amount.
I don't base what I give other people on what they gave me. As much as I complain about my SIL who didn't attend my shower (or even RSVP), let alone give us a shower OR wedding gift, I'd still give her the same gift I'd give my other SILs if she had a major occasion.
In the event someone gave us more than we can afford or would feel comfortable giving them, such is life. We can't afford to necessarily give back exactly what someone gave us. I just don't keep tabs on gifts. I'm not saying it's right or wrong - it just doesn't make any sense to me... so I don't do it.
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| Posted 11/7/07 2:35 PM |
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