Finding strength to TTC again?

I can't believe I am back on this board :(

I miscarried in Feb 2011, and while it was so terribly upsetting and heartbreaking, this time was worse.

The good news is I had a beautiful baby girl in Oct 2012! What a blessing! She is my sunshine and makes every day so bright!

Anyway, I had an ectopic 4 weeks ago and ended up in emergency surgery the day my dr found it. My hcg was rising but I started spotting and having pain on the right side, I was 5.5-6 weeks along.

During the surgery he repaired my right tube where the pregnancy was but had to remove my left side which has been blocked and operated on and reblocked. This was so much for me to digest in one day and my DH was away on business but made it back 30 min before I went under. I also didn't have my mom (she lives far) to help it thank god for close friends and my sisters who drove up an hour up to watch my daughter. Anyway I just feel it was a very traumatic day and I couldn't sleep for two weeks following it, I was just a ball of nerves. I kept replaying what happened. And how one minute we were talking about the new baby's room and what we need to buy and the next thing I know I am going to the OR. I hate surgery and am not a good patient, it was not fun at all :(

I am doing MUCH better but the future is still unknown until I find out if my right tube healed ok. I am deathly scared of that happening again and am at risk again. I want another baby so bad so going to keep that feeling alive.

Anyway thanks for listening.

Re: Finding strength to TTC again?

That must have been very scary to go theough a big part of that alone!! I don't know exactly going through but I feel your pain. I'm on my second unexplained miscarriage in the past 4months and I spend nights going over everything in my head from: what should my next step should be, when can we try again, should we try again and of course the fear and terror of it actually happening again. I am scared I wont get pregnant and scared I will be pregnant and convinced it will just happen again.I beat myself up, even though I know it's not my fault. I am seeing a therapist, but all of the hormones don't help. I don't have any children. I think the only think that helps me to get what little sleep I get at night is hope that it all will work out. I know you are looking to vent, and I certainly have no advice but hang in there, you are not alone. There are a lot of great women on here who have been very supportive and inspiring who inspire great hope and comfort. I pray you heal quickly and have great success in the future. Many to you!!!!