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suvenR
designer mutt

Member since 5/05

4239 total posts

Name:

Re: For the children of divorce...

Well, it never helps when I say that my parents have 7 marriages between the 2 of them. Chat Icon

On a serious note, if people act that way toward me, I let them know that I KNOW what it's like to grow up with divorced parents, so I know what I want for my children: a home free of all forms of abuse- regardless of whether they are raised by married or divorced parents.

Priorities are important- not the "married parents" status

Posted 5/12/05 8:56 PM
 
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bluegrl24NY
LIF Infant

Member since 5/05

297 total posts

Name:
Helena

Re: For the children of divorce...

Posted by suvenR

Well, it never helps when I say that my parents have 7 marriages between the 2 of them. Chat Icon

On a serious note, if people act that way toward me, I let them know that I KNOW what it's like to grow up with divorced parents, so I know what I want for my children: a home free of all forms of abuse- regardless of whether they are raised by married or divorced parents.

Priorities are important- not the "married parents" status



I couldn't have said this better myself! :) My mom jokes about her divorces and even calls herself Liz Taylor to make light of it... Chat Icon I do think it's important to recognize what ISN'T a healthy family relationship and work towards making your own family loving and supportive, even if you didn't have it growing up. I don't really have a model to base this on, since our family was pretty broken and hostile at times while my sisters and I were growing up, I just know that I don't my my own children to have to go through that same thing as they grow up. I just want for my own children what I did not have, and that is to feel secure and know that they have a loving family - I will go out of my way to make sure that happens when it's time to start our family.

Posted 5/13/05 9:33 AM
 

BethGail
LIF Infant

Member since 5/05

179 total posts

Name:

Re: For the children of divorce...

to certain extetent yes as someone else said, i am kind of afraid that if things get to rough that he will leave, however he (not having divorced parents) knows that this is my fear and works extra hard so i dont feel that way

Posted 5/14/05 10:24 AM
 

CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)

Member since 5/05

19978 total posts

Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...

Re: For the children of divorce...

my parents are married for 31 years but my DH's have been divorced for over 20. I think it has made him a little less trusting or less of a believer in the longevity of marriages but over time I think he has seen how happy my parents are and the environment i was raised in compared to his. In other words, he has now seen marriage in a diff way than he knew (he was 9 when they divorced) and I think this has opened him up to be more positive. I am kind of rambling here..what I am trying to say is before we got engaged I think he had a very diff outlook on marriage then he does now. He sees what it takes to make it work.

Posted 5/14/05 12:18 PM
 

MrsBee
LIF Infant

Member since 5/05

70 total posts

Name:

Re: For the children of divorce...

Interesting topic..

Not that I'm aware of, does anyone think I'll end in divorce. Except my cousin Julie, who thinks everyone will eventually get divorced!!! 87% of marriages end in divorce, she'll remind me.

I'm not worried about him leaving, I do worry about ME leaving. I absolutely will not be treated with any disrespect, as this is what I witnessed in many of the relationships that surrounded me as a child/young adult. DH is human, and doesn't always treat me w/ the respect that I want and command, and he knows that I will not hesitate if I think it's not "curable". Not to sound like a tough girl, or that I don't take my marriage seriously, but I take it that seriously. His parents are married for the sake of being married. Someone else had written that they co-habitate... and that's my DH's parents.

So, which is worse? Divorce, or a marriage that is still a marriage for the sake of not getting divorced? I think at some level it boils down to a respect issue/trust/and working together ($$)... if you've reached the point of wanting out, IMO, that means you want better for youself, even if it means being alone. I think that my in-laws see that I'm a no non-sense person and I won't tolerate baby stuff.

Posted 5/16/05 10:31 PM
 

ggt08
;)

Member since 5/05

5208 total posts

Name:

Re: For the children of divorce...

i swore that I would not end up in divorce like my parents did and I wound up getting an annulment less than a year after marriage. But as far as others, I dont think they expected it...

Posted 5/16/05 10:59 PM
 

NYtoBoston
LIF Infant

Member since 5/05

180 total posts

Name:
Colleen

Re: For the children of divorce...

Posted by btrflygrl

I don't think others expect of me.....I actually fear that I'll push it to that point because I don't know what a happy marriage is....

I knew for a LONG time my dad was unhappy and I had no role model for a happy marriage...so this is aLL new to me!




I very much agree with this statement. DH's parents had a very happy marriage until his dad passed away.

My parents on the other hand, never had what I would call a healthy relationship but stayed married until I was 22.

I don't think others expect us to get divorced. I worry that I will somehow screw things up because I have no basis on which to go.

Posted 5/17/05 11:40 AM
 
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