Couples Behaving Badly: How “Bad” Behaviour Can Be A Good Thing
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By Mia Bolaris-Forget
In our relationships there are no doubt certain “deal breakers” that can seal the fate of our liaisons and unions. Among these, lying, flirting (with someone else), and fighting.
Still, some experts assert that even these negatives can be turned into positives, and in fact, may even be good for our relationship. And, they add it can even help to strengthen your bond and your relationship.
Making Eyes: Otherwise and more commonly known as flirting, while in and of itself is “innocent” has often been the precursor to full-fledged cheating and the demise of many a relationship. Add a bit of jealousy and “distrust” and you have the recipe for disaster.
Still some suggest that a little friendly flirting with someone other than your significant other can be beneficial to your ego and your relationship.
The “unsolicited” attention can help you feel sexy, and it, according to experts it can bring back the “wow” factor, plus, it’s likely to make you want to share your newly discovered sex appeal.
Furthermore, if your man sees or is reminded of what he’s got as a “hot commodity”, it can serve as a wake-up call and maybe even ignite a bit of “fire’ in his spirit as well.
But, they strongly suggest proceeding with caution and ensuring you don’t cross the line. Remember, don’t do anything that may raise eyebrows or that you wouldn’t do with mom or your partner present. And, keep in mind that if the flirting is more rewarding than your relationship, it may be time for some help for you and your special someone.
A Me First Attitude: No one like someone who is self-absorbed and selfish, but people generally also don’t respect someone who loses sight and focus of their own dignity and needs. Besides, isn’t compromise at the root of every successful relationship?
While the answer is “yes”, for the most part, compromise doesn’t mean always “giving in”, in fact, it means knowing when to give in and when to hold your ground without feeling bad or guilty about it. After all, when we don’t get what we “want” or need, it can lead to frustration and resentment and ultimately damage the relationship. With that said, experts remind couples that your partner, while he or she may “know” you, doesn’t mean he or she can read your mind or your emotions and that may mean you having to blatantly ask for what you need or simply “taking” it. And, getting your way (part of the time) will leave you feeling happy and lest stressed and more in the mood for lovin’ than fighting.
The Fight Club: Again, probably one of the most damaging dynamics of an “unhealthy” relationship and more and impetus for breaking up than making up. On the other hand, experts suggest that NEVER arguing can be just as detrimental; in fact it can affect your health and your relationship.
They suggest that “battling it out’, lovingly and wisely, is like cleaning our clogged pipes allowing them to reopen for a smooth flow, adding that it’s often the bottled emotions and harbored resentment that kills the relationship, not necessarily the “fighting”.
But, they caution about execution. Make sure you not only pick your battles wisely but also don’t use arguments (that are suppose to be about clarifying your position) as grounds for belittling your partner, criticizing him or her or exhibiting contempt. These types of arguments are more likely to result in separation and/or divorce.
Take A Time Out: Running away from your problems and/or your partner won’t necessarily solve anything. In fact, it may infuriate your significant other and take a negative toll on the relationship. Still, some suggest walking away is better than going in circles, especially if the disagreement has become a shouting match at fever pitch to get your point across. It can even lead to saying hurtful things you don’t mean (out of frustration, anger, and some “resentment”) and/or bringing up arguments that should have been resolved and forgotten about “ages” ago.
Experts suggest learning to see and read the signs in yourself and your partner and walking away, even if it means you have to leave the room or the home, just for a short drive or stint at the coffee shop, bookstore, or mall. And, don’t hesitate to be the one to take the initiative even when your partner is not.
Plus, if you’re (both) the type to get heated quickly, establish your own “cease fire” code and agree to stop the bickering once the “red flag” goes up.
Just remember to resume discussions once you’ve both calmed down, and note that when and if you “do” walk away, it should never be for too long or for good, but rather just long enough to regroup and approach a resolution with a clear head and heart.
A Spoonful Of Sugar: You can call it what you want, but a lie is a lie and can be hurtful, lead to distrust, and ultimately damage the relationship. Still, sometimes telling the whole truth may not be beneficial either. Just make sure that if the “facts” are revealed at a later date, they won’t compromise the relationship and the trust factor within.
Experts go on to note, that lying for your own sake or to avoid confrontation is NEVER a good idea. Stretching the truth, by saying that you’re flattered that his mom cooked for you, rather than saying that you loved the meal (that you may hate) or going on about how she’s an awful cook may be the diplomatic way out protecting everyone’s feelings AND your relationship.
· Express your love for each other throughout the day: Always end a conversation with “I Love You, or a kiss (or at least try to)
· Give each other space: Allow a certain amount of time each night for each of you to do your own thing (preferably without interruption). Denying each other time apart and alone or out with your own crowd (as long as nothing objectionable is going on) can lead to resentment and may jeopardize and compromise the time you “do” spend together.
· Get touchy feely: Sure its common courtesy to curb (to a degree) you public displays of affection but staying “in touch” is part of keeping in sync. If you ease up, say experts, on the physical connection, you’re likely to also ease up on the relationship.
· Brush it off: Remember that most of the things you “feud” over are “negligible” and don’t matter much in the grand scheme of things. Learn which conflicts are serious and which ones warrant “letting go”. Keep in mind that being right isn’t always the road to happiness, a peaceful home and life and a loving, stable relationship are. Plus, your kids will grow up “healthier’ too.
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