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Has Your Love LIfe Lost It's Sizzle? A Simple Recipe For Spicing Up Your Love Life:

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

I was once at the movies with a friend and pointed out a couple that just didn’t seem like they belonged together. I said to him, I don’t know if they’re married or not, but they just don’t look like a couple to me. With his typical quick wit, my friend turned to me and said, she hasn’t stopped complaining to him, of course they look like a couple.

At some point in everyone’s life the notion of holding hands while walking, exchanging long (perhaps passionate) embraces, donning on your date-night best (from mentionables to unmentionables to impress your partner) is replaced by a friendly acknowledgement of their existence followed by dissertation of you day and a soliloquy of demands, expectations and accomplishments that need to be tended to.

Neither of you is the person you use to be nor the person you fell in love with. Sure you love your partner, why else would you stay, but you’re no longer excited by or about them. They’ve somehow transitioned into a common household appliance that you simply expect to be in the last place you left it, and make your life better and easier upon demand.

What happened? How and when did it happen? And, how could it have happened to you? Weren’t you after all the proverbial wild child that use to rush to see your significant other, palms sweaty, heart racing with anticipation. Now, you’re more likely rushing off the work, to the market on the way home and rushing to greet your partner with your head pounding from aggravation.

Let me be the first to coin the phrase of PDD. Partner Deficit Disorder, a condition that is an unfortunate result of lifestyle and obligation imbalance but that can be easily treated with a fairly easy “pill” the swallow, some healthy self-improvement techniques and a little

1. Understand Your Basic Instincts: Chances are if you’re out of High School, you’ve got adult obligations. That doesn’t mean you’ve got to stop having fun. From educational pressures to job and family related stress, it all affects how we respond to others and how well we are able to relax. It’s easy to lose site of ourselves and our significant others as we shift focus to things that MUST get done. Make love and romance a MUST in your life. We all NEED love and affection, from the time we are born, only in different forms, yet as we grow older we neglect this basic desire and make it a want instead of a need. Understand the type of intimacy that is most gratifying to you and that you want from your partner and want to give your partner. Also establish how often fun and intimacy should be a priority in you life and your relationship. Give in to your “adolescent” obsession with sex (sometimes). Once you are able to redefine this basic instinct by defining your terms and desires, you can move forward in a more positive direction.

2. Check Mate: Have a follow up discussion with your mate and find out what’s important to him/her. You may both be seeking the same thing, but face reluctance based on not knowing how your partner will receive you. Remember the days of inquiring of what the other person wanted to do. It was a good practice and one you should practice in your personal and private life throughout your life. After all, as the experts point out, your partner can’t give you what he/ she doesn’t know you want.

3. Set Time Aside For Romance and Intimacy: Again, think back to the “good ole’ days, you only got to see your significant other during certain days of the week or times of the year. No matter what other exciting things were going on, your first priority was getting close to your mate. Even it you stayed up all night, there seemed to be this urgency to make the most of every moment….until the next time. Other than recommending that you refrain from seeing each other on a consistent basis, the next best “solution” would be creating a special space for intimacy. Experts suggest listening to soft, sensual music, dimming the lights during dinner, or simply taking time out to think about intimacy and your partner. Identify things that will put you in the mood and be prepared to carry them out. Finally designate a place and time where you and your partner can enjoy each other completely and without any interruptions.

4. Make A Self-Investment: One of the most basic building blocks to a healthy sex life is not only feeling good about your partner or getting close to him/her, but feeling good about wanting to, and that begins with feeling good about yourself. Experts and professionals alike emphasize the importance of making your health and well-being a top priority. Always try to look and feel your best that will encourage you to want to share yourself with your partner. If you feel overwhelmed and unattractive, you are likely to lose enthusiasm about yourself, life and obviously intimacy and sex. Besides, if you don’t care about investing in yourself, why would you care about investing in a relationship and someone else? Remember, without time and space for you, there’s no time and space or desire for “us”.

5. Practice Makes Perfect: You don’t know what you like until you try it. Plus, the more you “do” something, the better you get at it. According to authorities, women who indulge their basic needs and desires from holding hands to the most intimate alone times actually enjoy and appreciate such times more and more.

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