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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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What do you say
To your 14 yo DD when she tells you she is so lucky to have you as a mom because 2 of her good friends parents are physically and verbally abusive to their dds?
One slaps her daughter pulls her hair (dd friend told her this)
The other mother tells her dd to get the F out of her face in front of the dds friends!
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Posted 11/20/17 11:27 AM  |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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Re: What do you say
 That's terrible but unfortunately not very surprising.
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| Posted 11/20/17 11:56 AM |
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busymomonli
Resident Insomniac
Member since 4/13 2046 total posts
Name:
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What do you say
I have a 17 year old and I have been in your shoes. At this age, you hear a lot of scary things. Unfortunately, there are bad parents out there and there's not much you can do about it. I always put it out there to my daughters friends that if they every feel unsafe, they are welcome in my home any time, day or night. I will even pick them up. I think they feel better just knowing they will have a place to go.
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| Posted 11/20/17 11:58 AM |
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ziamaria
I love this boy!
Member since 4/07 3372 total posts
Name:
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Re: What do you say
Posted by busymomonli
I have a 17 year old and I have been in your shoes. At this age, you hear a lot of scary things. Unfortunately, there are bad parents out there and there's not much you can do about it. I always put it out there to my daughters friends that if they every feel unsafe, they are welcome in my home any time, day or night. I will even pick them up. I think they feel better just knowing they will have a place to go.
this! my stepson had some friends with horrible living situations and we told him (and them) that our door is always open if they needed it. i think just knowing we could be a save haven for them was comforting enough for all of them. thankfully one of the worst parents, came around to making better choices by the end of jr year, and they had a better senior year together
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| Posted 11/20/17 8:50 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: What do you say
You hug her and tell her to tell her friends to tell someone at school if they want to talk
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| Posted 11/20/17 11:22 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: What do you say
You can call the school and tell them. I think they have to investigate it.
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| Posted 11/21/17 5:49 AM |
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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Re: What do you say
Posted by klingklang77
You can call the school and tell them. I think they have to investigate it.
I think involving cps over stuff like this is a bit extreme
Message edited 11/21/2017 7:47:37 AM.
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| Posted 11/21/17 7:47 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21536 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: What do you say
Posted by evrythng4areason
Posted by klingklang77
You can call the school and tell them. I think they have to investigate it.
I think involving cps over stuff like this is a bit extreme
I agree.
To the OP - you hug your kid and that's it.
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| Posted 11/21/17 9:02 AM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: What do you say
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by evrythng4areason
Posted by klingklang77
You can call the school and tell them. I think they have to investigate it.
I think involving cps over stuff like this is a bit extreme
I agree.
To the OP - you hug your kid and that's it.
I respectfully disagree that calling the school is extreme.
Maybe if it was verbal only, but it’s not.
Let them look into it. Maybe it’ll be nothing, and maybe it’ll be a lifeline for the girl.
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| Posted 11/21/17 9:08 AM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: What do you say
Posted by JennP
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by evrythng4areason
Posted by klingklang77
You can call the school and tell them. I think they have to investigate it.
I think involving cps over stuff like this is a bit extreme
I agree.
To the OP - you hug your kid and that's it.
I respectfully disagree that calling the school is extreme.
Maybe if it was verbal only, but it’s not.
Let them look into it. Maybe it’ll be nothing, and maybe it’ll be a lifeline for the girl.
I agree sounds prettu abusive to me that iy not acceptable behavior.
And to OP i believe you are a mandated reporter
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| Posted 11/21/17 4:43 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: What do you say
Posted by jgl
Posted by JennP
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by evrythng4areason
Posted by klingklang77
You can call the school and tell them. I think they have to investigate it.
I think involving cps over stuff like this is a bit extreme
I agree.
To the OP - you hug your kid and that's it.
I respectfully disagree that calling the school is extreme.
Maybe if it was verbal only, but it’s not.
Let them look into it. Maybe it’ll be nothing, and maybe it’ll be a lifeline for the girl.
I agree sounds prettu abusive to me that iy not acceptable behavior.
And to OP i believe you are a mandated reporter
So just playing devils advocate since im not sure where i stand on what is reportable and whats not:
For all those who may have spanked or products of a "wooden spoon" should that have been reported?
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| Posted 11/21/17 6:02 PM |
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w8andsee
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 1193 total posts
Name:
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Re: What do you say
Posted by stinger
For all those who may have spanked or products of a "wooden spoon" should that have been reported?
I know someone that spanked her children and was reported. She was investigated and they found that she was within her rights. In NY you can legally spank your child within reason. You just can't use an object to spank (ex: belt, wooden spoon).
However, the incident scared her enough to get help and find other ways to parent that did not include spanking.
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| Posted 11/21/17 6:18 PM |
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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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What do you say
I would do nothing and thats because alot of kids at that age make a mountain out of a mole hill. I do not know whether or not that the kid is exaggerating and is himself/herself a bad kid at home or could be telling the truth so it too much of a risk to get involved in something like that. If you know the child have your kid invite them over. I would investigate by getting to know them to see if somethings not right.
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| Posted 11/21/17 7:32 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: What do you say
Posted by MrsWoods
I would do nothing and thats because alot of kids at that age make a mountain out of a mole hill. I do not know whether or not that the kid is exaggerating and is himself/herself a bad kid at home or could be telling the truth so it too much of a risk to get involved in something like that. If you know the child have your kid invite them over. I would investigate by getting to know them to see if somethings not right.
I agree. I wouldn't jump to conclusions and would try to learn more about the families.
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| Posted 11/21/17 8:16 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: What do you say
Posted by stinger
Posted by jgl
Posted by JennP
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by evrythng4areason
Posted by klingklang77
You can call the school and tell them. I think they have to investigate it.
I think involving cps over stuff like this is a bit extreme
I agree.
To the OP - you hug your kid and that's it.
I respectfully disagree that calling the school is extreme.
Maybe if it was verbal only, but it’s not.
Let them look into it. Maybe it’ll be nothing, and maybe it’ll be a lifeline for the girl.
I agree sounds prettu abusive to me that iy not acceptable behavior.
And to OP i believe you are a mandated reporter
So just playing devils advocate since im not sure where i stand on what is reportable and whats not:
For all those who may have spanked or products of a "wooden spoon" should that have been reported?
I was a product of a wooden spoon and belt. Should that have been reported? Don’t know, but I think things were different back then. I can’t really speculate on the past, but I can say that belt still bothers me to this day.
The thing that really bothered me about this post is the hair pulling. I think it’s extreme and should be looked into.
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| Posted 11/21/17 10:19 PM |
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What do you say
I feel maybe reaching out to school might be best just giving the guidance counselor a heads up so she can talk to the girls. Many parents shouldn’t be parents and to be honest, this is the information that you know of but there could be much more information that you don’t know and growing up in a house with parents like that leads to many many issues in adulthood and being able to have a safe outlet and working on coping strategies is more valuable than you may think
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| Posted 11/22/17 7:22 AM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: What do you say
I get what you are all saying!
Pulling hair to me shows anger. Is she being slapped in the face?
I know as a teacher if a kid reported this to me I would have to call cps/acs. And I have. You could be saving a child from real abuse.
Id rather do something than nothing. Since this child is older maybe as the mother of the friend you could sit down with her and talk to her to find out how bad it is.
When these things happen and found the parent is abusive everyone asks why didnt anyone do anything?
Message edited 11/22/2017 7:35:17 AM.
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| Posted 11/22/17 7:33 AM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21536 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: What do you say
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by MrsWoods
I would do nothing and thats because alot of kids at that age make a mountain out of a mole hill. I do not know whether or not that the kid is exaggerating and is himself/herself a bad kid at home or could be telling the truth so it too much of a risk to get involved in something like that. If you know the child have your kid invite them over. I would investigate by getting to know them to see if somethings not right.
I agree. I wouldn't jump to conclusions and would try to learn more about the families.
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| Posted 11/22/17 8:13 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7179 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: What do you say
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by MrsWoods
I would do nothing and thats because alot of kids at that age make a mountain out of a mole hill. I do not know whether or not that the kid is exaggerating and is himself/herself a bad kid at home or could be telling the truth so it too much of a risk to get involved in something like that. If you know the child have your kid invite them over. I would investigate by getting to know them to see if somethings not right.
I agree. I wouldn't jump to conclusions and would try to learn more about the families.
I agree also. As a teenager I used to complain about how horribly mean and awful my parents were...and in hindsight they weren't at all.
You could offer yourself as a confidante should they need someone to talk to, but I think involving the authorities without proper proof might cause more harm than good.
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| Posted 11/22/17 8:45 AM |
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Re: What do you say
Posted by jgl
I get what you are all saying!
Pulling hair to me shows anger. Is she being slapped in the face?
I know as a teacher if a kid reported this to me I would have to call cps/acs. And I have. You could be saving a child from real abuse.
Id rather do something than nothing. Since this child is older maybe as the mother of the friend you could sit down with her and talk to her to find out how bad it is.
When these things happen and found the parent is abusive everyone asks why didnt anyone do anything?
ACS is the absolute worst run agency in NYC (I can't speak for LI) and I have personal experience with them on 2 occasions thanks to my exDH.
OP- I would probably see if I could meet the girls and see what the deal is from them. ACS really is a giant waste of everyone's time and does nothing in the long run. And honestly, I'd be more worried that they'd lash out at their kids if someone called ACS on them because ACS isn't going to remove a child for those acts.
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| Posted 11/22/17 10:17 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: What do you say
Posted by MrsWoods
I would do nothing and thats because alot of kids at that age make a mountain out of a mole hill. I do not know whether or not that the kid is exaggerating and is himself/herself a bad kid at home or could be telling the truth so it too much of a risk to get involved in something like that. .
Exactly!!!
Let parents PARENT. That's why kids have no respect these days. Parents can't even parent anymore for fear of being called abusive!! Abusive is what my grandmother endured back in the day, hit in the face with objects, starved, beaten, etc.
Not a slap here or there or a curse yelled at a child. I have never hit my child I will say, BUT I was hit plenty as a child and while I don't think it's right, I also don't think I was abused.
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| Posted 11/22/17 10:26 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: What do you say
I also want to add, people are all different. Some people yell or talk very loud when angry or frustrated, some don't. Someone yelling at their child (who may actually deserve it, how would you know when it's not your child and you aren't there?) is not abusive simply because it's not something you would do.
Message edited 11/22/2017 1:21:58 PM.
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| Posted 11/22/17 10:28 AM |
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liadorbs
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 1221 total posts
Name:
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What do you say
I don't know... what if it's not nothing or not exaggerated? I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I had an inkling something was off and didn't do anything.
If you tell the school/guidance counselor they can decide as trained professionals how and if it should be pursued.
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| Posted 11/22/17 2:25 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7983 total posts
Name:
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Re: What do you say
Posted by stinger
Posted by jgl
Posted by JennP
Posted by StaceyWill
Posted by evrythng4areason
Posted by klingklang77
You can call the school and tell them. I think they have to investigate it.
I think involving cps over stuff like this is a bit extreme
I agree.
To the OP - you hug your kid and that's it.
I respectfully disagree that calling the school is extreme.
Maybe if it was verbal only, but it’s not.
Let them look into it. Maybe it’ll be nothing, and maybe it’ll be a lifeline for the girl.
I agree sounds prettu abusive to me that iy not acceptable behavior.
And to OP i believe you are a mandated reporter
So just playing devils advocate since im not sure where i stand on what is reportable and whats not:
For all those who may have spanked or products of a "wooden spoon" should that have been reported?
in NY the law states you can not beat your child. Nothing says a parent etc cant slap within reason.
If you are unsure you can call CPS and they will tell you if its re portable. You do not have to give your name just to ask
Message edited 11/22/2017 6:59:38 PM.
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| Posted 11/22/17 6:56 PM |
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bella321
Blessed!
Member since 3/09 1952 total posts
Name:
Kristy
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Re: What do you say
Her friends are telling her because they want help and don't know how to ask. Call the school.
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| Posted 11/22/17 8:56 PM |
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