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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Anyone see this post floating around?
Thoughts?
It's a long read, sorry.
I can say that I hate the saying "everything happens for a reason." It just gets on my nerves. This article really resonated with me.
http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason
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Posted 10/28/15 6:24 PM  |
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Everything doesn't happen for a reason
I only like that phrase when it can be used in retrospect And only when linked to something positive
Like if somebody got laid off from their job and they were in shock over it ... But then they were soon approached with an even better job offer… Something that they may not have found had they not been laid off
Or if you found out your partner has been cheating on you… And then afterwards, you reconnect with a long lost love or maybe somebody new enters your life
For things like that, I love that phrase
But let's be real here, horrible shit happens in life. I mean, really ******* awful things like people being chopped up into pieces and stuffed in the fridge for months - yeah, that doesn't happen for a reason. And it also wasn't God's will.
Message edited 10/28/2015 6:36:29 PM.
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| Posted 10/28/15 6:33 PM |
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StaceyWill
It's a girl!!!
Member since 6/10 21536 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Wow, great read. I feel like people just say that (I've said it myself, several times) to make sense of whatever situation they need to. When the truth is, sometimes you just can't make sense of it. And that's ok...thanks for posting.
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| Posted 10/28/15 6:56 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3986 total posts
Name:
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by StaceyWill
Wow, great read. I feel like people just say that (I've said it myself, several times) to make sense of whatever situation they need to. When the truth is, sometimes you just can't make sense of it. And that's ok...thanks for posting.
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| Posted 10/28/15 7:34 PM |
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noworlater
LIF Adult
Member since 2/11 1528 total posts
Name:
Now!
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Yes I saw this recently too. I don't agree with dropping someone trying to comfort you, just because you use that phrase. It's an interesting point of view on it. And it's true, I like the carry quote.
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| Posted 10/28/15 9:35 PM |
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evrythng4areason
And then there were 4
Member since 1/10 5224 total posts
Name:
Kayla
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Obviously I believe in the idea of things happening for a reason 
I think a lot has to do with perspective. The narrator of the article admits that grief has made her distrustful, cynical, and guilty.
I know not everyone agrees with me (obviously), by to believe that despite any obstacles we may face, we make our own happiness in life. I also believe that the outlook we have can influence what happens to us. If you are someone who is guilty and cynical, of course you're going to look for the negative within a situation. Conversely, if you focus on the good, and look for the way in which you can grow and benefit from any given situation, you will likely be able to realize that things often happen for a reason.
This isn't to say that I haven't experienced my fair share of grief-we all have. My sn was actually changed after my ex left me 9 days before I was supposed to get married. I could have let that destroy me. Instead, I focused on looking forward.
I think that it's really just that people cope in different ways.
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| Posted 10/29/15 7:11 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
I only like that phrase when it can be used in retrospect And only when linked to something positive
Like if somebody got laid off from their job and they were in shock over it ... But then they were soon approached with an even better job offer… Something that they may not have found had they not been laid off
Or if you found out your partner has been cheating on you… And then afterwards, you reconnect with a long lost love or maybe somebody new enters your life
For things like that, I love that phrase
But let's be real here, horrible shit happens in life. I mean, really ******* awful things like people being chopped up into pieces and stuffed in the fridge for months - yeah, that doesn't happen for a reason. And it also wasn't God's will.
ITA with all of this!
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| Posted 10/29/15 7:44 AM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by evrythng4areason
Obviously I believe in the idea of things happening for a reason
I think a lot has to do with perspective. The narrator of the article admits that grief has made her distrustful, cynical, and guilty.
I know not everyone agrees with me (obviously), by to believe that despite any obstacles we may face, we make our own happiness in life. I also believe that the outlook we have can influence what happens to us. If you are someone who is guilty and cynical, of course you're going to look for the negative within a situation. Conversely, if you focus on the good, and look for the way in which you can grow and benefit from any given situation, you will likely be able to realize that things often happen for a reason.
This isn't to say that I haven't experienced my fair share of grief-we all have. My sn was actually changed after my ex left me 9 days before I was supposed to get married. I could have let that destroy me. Instead, I focused on looking forward.
I think that it's really just that people cope in different ways.
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| Posted 10/29/15 7:44 AM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by evrythng4areason
Obviously I believe in the idea of things happening for a reason
I think a lot has to do with perspective. The narrator of the article admits that grief has made her distrustful, cynical, and guilty.
I know not everyone agrees with me (obviously), by to believe that despite any obstacles we may face, we make our own happiness in life. I also believe that the outlook we have can influence what happens to us. If you are someone who is guilty and cynical, of course you're going to look for the negative within a situation. Conversely, if you focus on the good, and look for the way in which you can grow and benefit from any given situation, you will likely be able to realize that things often happen for a reason.
This isn't to say that I haven't experienced my fair share of grief-we all have. My sn was actually changed after my ex left me 9 days before I was supposed to get married. I could have let that destroy me. Instead, I focused on looking forward.
I think that it's really just that people cope in different ways.
Well said!
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| Posted 10/29/15 7:48 AM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by evrythng4areason
Obviously I believe in the idea of things happening for a reason
I think a lot has to do with perspective. The narrator of the article admits that grief has made her distrustful, cynical, and guilty.
I know not everyone agrees with me (obviously), by to believe that despite any obstacles we may face, we make our own happiness in life. I also believe that the outlook we have can influence what happens to us. If you are someone who is guilty and cynical, of course you're going to look for the negative within a situation. Conversely, if you focus on the good, and look for the way in which you can grow and benefit from any given situation, you will likely be able to realize that things often happen for a reason.
This isn't to say that I haven't experienced my fair share of grief-we all have. My sn was actually changed after my ex left me 9 days before I was supposed to get married. I could have let that destroy me. Instead, I focused on looking forward.
I think that it's really just that people cope in different ways.
But I think what the article is saying is more about how the people who do fall apart are the ones who never really get a chance to grieve.
In order for people to get that chance, they need to be surrounded by people who are truly supportive. People who say "everything happens for a reason" are not being supportive because they are unintentionally minimizing the pain of others.
I think it's great that you (general you) believe that, but it's something that should be kept to yourself when someone is grieving.
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| Posted 10/29/15 7:58 AM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by JennP
Posted by evrythng4areason
Obviously I believe in the idea of things happening for a reason
I think a lot has to do with perspective. The narrator of the article admits that grief has made her distrustful, cynical, and guilty.
I know not everyone agrees with me (obviously), by to believe that despite any obstacles we may face, we make our own happiness in life. I also believe that the outlook we have can influence what happens to us. If you are someone who is guilty and cynical, of course you're going to look for the negative within a situation. Conversely, if you focus on the good, and look for the way in which you can grow and benefit from any given situation, you will likely be able to realize that things often happen for a reason.
This isn't to say that I haven't experienced my fair share of grief-we all have. My sn was actually changed after my ex left me 9 days before I was supposed to get married. I could have let that destroy me. Instead, I focused on looking forward.
I think that it's really just that people cope in different ways.
But I think what the article is saying is more about how the people who do fall apart are the ones who never really get a chance to grieve.
In order for people to get that chance, they need to be surrounded by people who are truly supportive. People who say "everything happens for a reason" are not being supportive because they are unintentionally minimizing the pain of others.
I think it's great that you (general you) believe that, but it's something that should be kept to yourself when someone is grieving.
Yes, exactly. If you use those words for yourself, then fine. I think it's really hurtful to say it to someone else.
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| Posted 10/29/15 8:01 AM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by evrythng4areason
Obviously I believe in the idea of things happening for a reason
I think a lot has to do with perspective. The narrator of the article admits that grief has made her distrustful, cynical, and guilty.
I know not everyone agrees with me (obviously), by to believe that despite any obstacles we may face, we make our own happiness in life. I also believe that the outlook we have can influence what happens to us. If you are someone who is guilty and cynical, of course you're going to look for the negative within a situation. Conversely, if you focus on the good, and look for the way in which you can grow and benefit from any given situation, you will likely be able to realize that things often happen for a reason.
This isn't to say that I haven't experienced my fair share of grief-we all have. My sn was actually changed after my ex left me 9 days before I was supposed to get married. I could have let that destroy me. Instead, I focused on looking forward.
I think that it's really just that people cope in different ways.
My mom always says "everything happens for a reason", and when I was younger - teens, early 20's - I never paid much attention to the phrase.
Now, I've found that I do use it in my life (OMG I'm becoming my mother lol) and it does help me move on with life.
Yeah, I got cancer. And that SUCKED. I stayed as positive as I could throughout and I do think that focusing on each day - sometimes each hour - and finding something good to focus on helped me through it. It continued to suck - and I wasn't able to really be as positive- for months out of treatment because I felt so lost in the post-treatment world. As time went on, I linked up with some organizations and am now a mentor to people currently in treatment. I went on a wild kayaking adventure with twelve other young adult patients and survivors and now can't imagine my life without them. I don't know why I got sick - I may never know...but I'm here now and I'm mentoring and making other people's lives a little easier by providing the service. And I now have twelve friends scattered around the country and we are lifelines for each other.
The phrase brings me peace and I held it in my heart when I was barreling down the rapids in my kayak, surrounded by a group of people who truly understood what I had been through.
It's a coping mechanism for sure, one that I use often and proudly.
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| Posted 10/29/15 8:06 AM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by klingklang77
Posted by JennP
Posted by evrythng4areason
Obviously I believe in the idea of things happening for a reason
I think a lot has to do with perspective. The narrator of the article admits that grief has made her distrustful, cynical, and guilty.
I know not everyone agrees with me (obviously), by to believe that despite any obstacles we may face, we make our own happiness in life. I also believe that the outlook we have can influence what happens to us. If you are someone who is guilty and cynical, of course you're going to look for the negative within a situation. Conversely, if you focus on the good, and look for the way in which you can grow and benefit from any given situation, you will likely be able to realize that things often happen for a reason.
This isn't to say that I haven't experienced my fair share of grief-we all have. My sn was actually changed after my ex left me 9 days before I was supposed to get married. I could have let that destroy me. Instead, I focused on looking forward.
I think that it's really just that people cope in different ways.
But I think what the article is saying is more about how the people who do fall apart are the ones who never really get a chance to grieve.
In order for people to get that chance, they need to be surrounded by people who are truly supportive. People who say "everything happens for a reason" are not being supportive because they are unintentionally minimizing the pain of others.
I think it's great that you (general you) believe that, but it's something that should be kept to yourself when someone is grieving.
Yes, exactly. If you use those words for yourself, then fine. I think it's really hurtful to say it to someone else.
Oh absolutely. If someone said that to me while I was sick, I probably would have slaughtered them.
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| Posted 10/29/15 8:09 AM |
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mommy2B3
2 boys 2 girls!!!!
Member since 7/08 3324 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by evrythng4areason
Obviously I believe in the idea of things happening for a reason
I think a lot has to do with perspective. The narrator of the article admits that grief has made her distrustful, cynical, and guilty.
I know not everyone agrees with me (obviously), by to believe that despite any obstacles we may face, we make our own happiness in life. I also believe that the outlook we have can influence what happens to us. If you are someone who is guilty and cynical, of course you're going to look for the negative within a situation. Conversely, if you focus on the good, and look for the way in which you can grow and benefit from any given situation, you will likely be able to realize that things often happen for a reason.
This isn't to say that I haven't experienced my fair share of grief-we all have. My sn was actually changed after my ex left me 9 days before I was supposed to get married. I could have let that destroy me. Instead, I focused on looking forward.
I think that it's really just that people cope in different ways.
I am the same way, and use the saying often. I've gone through a lot in life, but I have ended up to a point where my life is great, I am grateful, even when there are set backs, I believe in a master plan. Without grief, without sadness, I don't think people would be as compassionate, as grateful for good. It doesn't mean that I'm saying anyone deserves these bad things happening to them, it's to say things happen, and how you respond will ultimately design your life, make good choices, even in the rough times.
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| Posted 10/29/15 8:12 AM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
That phrase sends me over the edge. I have suffered and I mean suffered three miscarriages and people kept saying "everything happens for a reason" and I would ask them what they thought the reason was and they could not answer me. Why could I not have the child I so desperately wanted? Why? no answer...no reasons...
There is no rhyme or reason to a lot of things that happen to people.
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| Posted 10/29/15 8:59 AM |
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Milerose
MY BABY!
Member since 9/06 4161 total posts
Name:
R
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Everything doesn't happen for a reason
This article is fantastic! A friend of mine sent it to me yesterday and the words are perfect! I will NEVER say that to someone. I have lost a lot in life and grieve everyday and that saying really bothers me.
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| Posted 10/29/15 9:16 AM |
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Gratitude
LIF Infant
Member since 12/14 99 total posts
Name:
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Put me firmly in the "everything happens for a reason" camp. Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean you won't.
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| Posted 10/29/15 9:26 AM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
Name:
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Everything doesn't happen for a reason
I am going to read the article. However I am FIRMLY in the "everything does NOT happen for a reason" camp.
I believe people say it because they HAVE to find a reason in what, sometimes, is nonsense. (ETA: Things that cant be explained)
My father going for a pacemaker today did not happen for a reason.
My uncle falling off a ladder yesterday and ending up in the hospital did not happen for a reason. (he is fine and will recover).
My cousin didn't die for a reason.
but I am also someone who sees things for what they are. And I accept things. I learn, I cope, I move on. I accept that X happened and am able to move forward. (not saying that others cant).
I HATE that expression, but I see how others NEED it to be comforted in times of sorrow or grief.
I would never say it to anyone under any circumstances.
Message edited 10/29/2015 9:39:30 AM.
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| Posted 10/29/15 9:38 AM |
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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
sorry double post!
Message edited 10/29/2015 9:52:28 AM.
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| Posted 10/29/15 9:49 AM |
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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
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| Posted 10/29/15 9:52 AM |
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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
Name:
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by Gratitude
Put me firmly in the "everything happens for a reason" camp. Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean you won't.
Same here. But I may think twice before saying it to someone now that I know it might offend them
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| Posted 10/29/15 9:59 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
I don't believe everything happens for a reason. I don't believe there could ever be a reason for a child to die or parent to die and leave their young children. I believe in God and I have faith but I find things like this hard to rationalize.
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| Posted 10/29/15 10:10 AM |
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
I only like that phrase when it can be used in retrospect And only when linked to something positive
Like if somebody got laid off from their job and they were in shock over it ... But then they were soon approached with an even better job offer… Something that they may not have found had they not been laid off
Or if you found out your partner has been cheating on you… And then afterwards, you reconnect with a long lost love or maybe somebody new enters your life
For things like that, I love that phrase
But let's be real here, horrible shit happens in life. I mean, really ******* awful things like people being chopped up into pieces and stuffed in the fridge for months - yeah, that doesn't happen for a reason. And it also wasn't God's will.
ITA with all of this. I also wouldn't say this phrase to someone else even if I believe it to be true as it may come as insensitive.
Just wanted to add that there is no one in this world that can convince me that there is a "reason" why innocent children are tortured and killed. I do think certain seemingly negative/tragic events could happen for a reason but that is not one of them.
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| Posted 10/29/15 10:29 AM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7179 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by Gratitude
Put me firmly in the "everything happens for a reason" camp. Just because you can't see it now, doesn't mean you won't.
I have to disagree.
A relationship ending, yes. Not getting a certain job/promotion, yes.
But what is the "reason" a child/young adult dies from cancer?
Or the reason a mother dies during childbirth?
The reason kids are gunner down in their classrooms?
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| Posted 10/29/15 10:57 AM |
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Re: Everything doesn't happen for a reason
Posted by Paramount
I am going to read the article. However I am FIRMLY in the "everything does NOT happen for a reason" camp.
I believe people say it because they HAVE to find a reason in what, sometimes, is nonsense. (ETA: Things that cant be explained)
My father going for a pacemaker today did not happen for a reason.
My uncle falling off a ladder yesterday and ending up in the hospital did not happen for a reason. (he is fine and will recover).
My cousin didn't die for a reason.
but I am also someone who sees things for what they are. And I accept things. I learn, I cope, I move on. I accept that X happened and am able to move forward. (not saying that others cant).
I HATE that expression, but I see how others NEED it to be comforted in times of sorrow or grief.
I would never say it to anyone under any circumstances.
I believe that eventually you will see how these things have affected others in life. Just because they are not good things (not everything in life is good) does not mean that the did not happen for a reason.
I know everyone has their own opinions in life and not trying to shove mine down your or anyone else's throat but 20 years ago I would have never believed this phase but as I get older I can see how it is real, how things just fall into place and could have gone so much more wrong.
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| Posted 10/29/15 11:02 AM |
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