LIFamilies.com - Long Island, NY


RSS
Articles Business Directory Blog Real Estate Community Forum Shop My Family Contests

Log In Chat Index Search Rules Lingo Create Account

Quick navigation:   

Having a hard time.

Posted By Message

MichLiz213
Life is Good!

Member since 7/07

7979 total posts

Name:

Having a hard time.

DS is three years old. I noticed he had some delays in his conversational speech, but it wasn't until daycare brought up a few concerns (he won't look at them, he won't play with the other kids, he won't talk to them, etc.) that we decided to get him evaluated by our district.

The psychologist said because DS is so inconsistent he really can't label him confidently as anything. He is affectionate with family members (we get random hugs and kisses constantly). He talks a lot at home. He makes consistent eye contact with us. He observes the world around him and wants to know what things are. He engages family members in asking them to play. He LOVES playing with my 7-year-old nephew. He doesn't stim. He said if he could have given him a PDDNOS diagnosis he would have just to get him some services.

All I heard is PDDNOS and I can't stop crying over it. My brother has Autism (and was textbook: walked on his toes, spun in circles, no eye contact, etc.) so I understand how difficult of a road this is. DH can't get past the fact that he scored in the 58 percentile of his IQ test which is considered low (it was due to his inability to transition between questions) because he can count to 300, knows his shapes, upper and lower case letters, etc. We are both having an extremely difficult time processing it all.

I just needed to vent. I know a lot of you on this board are going through much more, so I hope it's ok that I released some stress here. Thank you for listening.

Message edited 11/25/2014 11:09:00 AM.

Posted 11/25/14 11:08 AM
 

MorningCuppaCoffee
Tired!

Member since 12/07

16353 total posts

Name:
Allison

Re: Having a hard time.

Sorry to hear about this.

The beginning is always tough and everyone has an opinion, especially within the family.

It could also be something or it could be nothing.

DS has a different "diagnosis" as your DC and so far since he started school (Kindergarten) we've seen a huge positive change in him.

The best thing you can do is be proactive about the situation though and it sounds like you are already doing that.

Chat Icon

Posted 11/25/14 2:54 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

4135 total posts

Name:
Karen

Having a hard time.

In the very beginning it is hard but try not to focus on a diagnosis, getting therapies is what is important. My DD is autistic. Very high functioning and shows no signs of those that are considered "classic autisic". She never stimmed, had great eye contact, very affectionate. When she was younger she only spoke at home and was considered a selective mute. Her first IQ test was I think a 42 or something like that. I really tried hard not to worry about what she got on those silly tests and to focus on what she can do and what I can do to help her. If they wanted to believe her IQ was that low, then great because she got more services. Autistic children think differently than a typical child and those tests are geared for typical children so a true autistic person will almost never score high on those tests (not talking aspergers).

Through a ton of therapists and some tough years when she was younger, she is a terrific little kid. Yes she is quirky but she had a ton of friends, is a the top of her class academically and in full Gen Ed. We still have to work on alot of social skills with her and are teaching her coping mechanisms to deal with her anxiety but there is no way that any of her test scores fully describe the wonderful girl she is.

Posted 11/25/14 4:49 PM
 

Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!

Member since 12/10

2926 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

I completely understand! I am going through the process now with my twins. When we received the evals, it was so hard. DH flipped out. He said these are not our children. They don't know them. My kids also had difficulty transitioning, listening, and just understanding in general what was asked of them.

We spoke to our coordinator yesterday to review the report and she said before we even began that to take this in stride. It's a moment in time and a tiny snapshot of our children. She said don't let this define you or them, use it to help them!

Psych said same thing about one of my twins (PDD), but actually said she doesn't believe he has it, but is exhibiting some of the behaviors (as you know there as so many on the spectrum). She just wanted to ask to see if anyone else had ever brought it up. I actually thought it might be in the report but it wasn't.

The good news (I know- as if any of this could be good news) is it sounds like he will prob qualify for services. The hope is they get tweaked or fine polished (as the psych described it) so they can show everyone else the great kids we as their parents know they are. But we want everyone else to know it too!

The evaluator also told me in her experience a lot of the time once speech services start, so many other issues get corrected naturally. At this age, speech is so key. Even a little delay sets everything off because they can't communicate and a whole host of other problems show.

My kids have a lot of the same things you describe. They wouldn't respond to their name, they don't interact well with other children, etc. Their nursery school teacher recommended the eval which is why we started.

I know it is so overwhelming. But you are not alone. It feels like you got slapped in the face. I can relate if you ever want to FM.

Posted 11/25/14 9:29 PM
 

iluvmynutty
Mom to E&M

Member since 12/08

1762 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Having a hard time.

58% is within the Average range. It follows a bell curve. It's not like he got a 58% on a spelling test. Look at tge actual IQ Full scorce and look at the verbal and performance score. 85 through 110 is the Average range (I'm pretty sure).

Posted 11/26/14 3:17 AM
 

JDubs
different, not less

Member since 7/09

13160 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

I know how you feel. Just hearing something is wrong with your LO makes your emotions go all over the place. When my DS was diagnosed (ASD) DH had a very negative reaction, but the only thing I was concerned with is getting him help as early as possible. Hopefully your DS will get services to help as well.

Message edited 11/26/2014 8:53:45 AM.

Posted 11/26/14 8:53 AM
 

babyfever24
LIF Adult

Member since 1/11

3340 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 11/26/14 6:57 PM
 

MichLiz213
Life is Good!

Member since 7/07

7979 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

Thank you all for your kind words. We are continuing to process it all. DS had his speech eval on Tuesday and he did ok. I believe he will qualify based on his lack of W questions (if he wants to know what something is he points to it and says, "That's ummm..." and waits for us to finish the sentence) and the fact that his back and forth answering questions isn't where it should be for his age. He does have a strong vocabulary though.

The psychologist was the one who told us the 58 percentile was low which is why we were so upset by it because we know how bright he truly is.

I appreciate all of the stories, advice, and support. We will take it one day at a time. I'm sure I will be posting more as the process continues. Thank you all! Chat Icon

Posted 11/28/14 12:10 PM
 

adeline27
LIF Adult

Member since 5/06

3121 total posts

Name:
Angela

Re: Having a hard time.

I was in your shoes 3 years ago! I was very upset, couldn't sleep and cried for four days straight. I was driving myself crazy googling everything I could find on the net about PDD-NOS. I almost needed therapy myself over this but with the help of a GREAT developmental preschool and my mom and DH I got over it and became the strongest advocate I could be for my son. My son was 2 when he got the diagnosis he was a runner in preschool, needed a one on one aide was in a 6:1:2 required max therapy and now he is in a typical kindergarten class functioning appropriately and independently and he still gets his special ed therapy one being his most needed speech. His processing of speech and language is still low but showing progress. Teachers love him, he is very polite, a pleaser and playful with other children. Night and day from she 2. Chat Icon

Hang in there and get every kind of therapy he deserves. Early intervention is huge for his future.

Posted 11/28/14 7:37 PM
 

Chai77
Brighter days ahead

Member since 4/07

7364 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

58th percentile is not low. You were either given misinformation or misheard. 58th percentile falls within the Average range. Average range is 25th to 75th percentile, IQ score of 90 to 110.

Posted 11/28/14 11:19 PM
 

MichLiz213
Life is Good!

Member since 7/07

7979 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

Posted by Chai77

58th percentile is not low. You were either given misinformation or misheard. 58th percentile falls within the Average range. Average range is 25th to 75th percentile, IQ score of 90 to 110.



Unless he scored a 58? Psychologist told us 58, what sounded like percentile, said it was low, and told us it was because he did not transition between the questions that well.

Posted 11/29/14 9:36 AM
 

Chai77
Brighter days ahead

Member since 4/07

7364 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

Posted by MichLiz213

Posted by Chai77

58th percentile is not low. You were either given misinformation or misheard. 58th percentile falls within the Average range. Average range is 25th to 75th percentile, IQ score of 90 to 110.



Unless he scored a 58? Psychologist told us 58, what sounded like percentile, said it was low, and told us it was because he did not transition between the questions that well.



Oh, well if 58 is the IQ standard score, then yes that is within the Very Low range. The average score is 100. Below 70 is considered the Very Low range. I would review the report and ask them all of your questions so that you understand what this means.

Posted 11/29/14 3:50 PM
 

Jax430
Hi!

Member since 5/05

18919 total posts

Name:
Jackie

Re: Having a hard time.

Posted by Chai77

Posted by MichLiz213

Posted by Chai77

58th percentile is not low. You were either given misinformation or misheard. 58th percentile falls within the Average range. Average range is 25th to 75th percentile, IQ score of 90 to 110.



Unless he scored a 58? Psychologist told us 58, what sounded like percentile, said it was low, and told us it was because he did not transition between the questions that well.



Oh, well if 58 is the IQ standard score, then yes that is within the Very Low range. The average score is 100. Below 70 is considered the Very Low range. I would review the report and ask them all of your questions so that you understand what this means.



Yes, this exactly. A standard score of 58 on an IQ test iis extremely low. The 58th percentile, on the other hand, is completely in the average range.

That said, I do CPSE psych evals as a large part of my job. I wouldn't focus on the score. If it is that low, it clearly isn't indicative of your child's intelligence, as his behavior interfered with his ability to perform to his best during the evaluation. When testing preschoolers, this is very often the case. Please let me know if you need any help making sense of the scores once you get the reports.

Posted 11/29/14 8:38 PM
 

MichLiz213
Life is Good!

Member since 7/07

7979 total posts

Name:

Having a hard time.

Now I'm confused. If he said 58th percentile and that's fine, I don't know why he said it was low. If it's 58, then from what I've been reading it's not indicative of what we've been seeing at home.

Posted 11/30/14 10:30 AM
 

iluvmynutty
Mom to E&M

Member since 12/08

1762 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Having a hard time.

Do you have the written psych report? The scores follow a bell curve, so 50% is the mean. That means if his Full Scale IQ score is at the 58th percentile, he did 8% better than the mean. That's really good. If his Full Scale IQ Score is a 58, that would not be good. The Average Range, as a pp said is 90-110. One Standard Deviation below the mean and One Standard Deviation above the mean (50%) is Within Normal Limits.

Posted 11/30/14 12:48 PM
 

MichLiz213
Life is Good!

Member since 7/07

7979 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

Posted by iluvmynutty

Do you have the written psych report? The scores follow a bell curve, so 50% is the mean. That means if his Full Scale IQ score is at the 58th percentile, he did 8% better than the mean. That's really good. If his Full Scale IQ Score is a 58, that would not be good. The Average Range, as a pp said is 90-110. One Standard Deviation below the mean and One Standard Deviation above the mean (50%) is Within Normal Limits.



I do not have it yet, no. I wish I could remember if he said percentile or if that was the actual score because now this raises a whole NEW level of concern.

Posted 11/30/14 2:35 PM
 

Chai77
Brighter days ahead

Member since 4/07

7364 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

Posted by MichLiz213

Posted by iluvmynutty

Do you have the written psych report? The scores follow a bell curve, so 50% is the mean. That means if his Full Scale IQ score is at the 58th percentile, he did 8% better than the mean. That's really good. If his Full Scale IQ Score is a 58, that would not be good. The Average Range, as a pp said is 90-110. One Standard Deviation below the mean and One Standard Deviation above the mean (50%) is Within Normal Limits.



I do not have it yet, no. I wish I could remember if he said percentile or if that was the actual score because now this raises a whole NEW level of concern.



Call them tomorrow and ask for clarification and the written report asap. And even if his IQ score was 58, that does not necessarily mean he truly has low cognitive functioning. Feel free to FM me.

Posted 11/30/14 10:32 PM
 

PregowithTwins
My boys turned 8

Member since 5/11

2451 total posts

Name:

Having a hard time.

From my experience, the psycholgist that my evaluated my boys gave me there IQ score & then said you were in the % range of X

Posted 11/30/14 10:43 PM
 

dpli
Daylight savings :)

Member since 5/05

13973 total posts

Name:
D

Having a hard time.

My DS got a PDD-NOS diagnosis at 2. I would focus on what he can do and not on the test scores, as much as possible. My DS has scored low cognitively on several tests, which we always knew was not indicative of his intelligence. His teachers have agreed once they have him in class and see what he is capable of. One explanation is that his communication delays and processing issues prevent him from responding in a way that shows his abilities.

Don't shy away from the diagnosis. Your son is not your brother and they may present very differently. I know it's hard to hear, especially in the beginning, but the diagnosis will make it easier for you to get the services he needs.

Posted 12/1/14 9:51 AM
 

BargainMama
LIF Adult

Member since 5/09

15403 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

Posted by dpli

My DS got a PDD-NOS diagnosis at 2. I would focus on what he can do and not on the test scores, as much as possible. My DS has scored low cognitively on several tests, which we always knew was not indicative of his intelligence. His teachers have agreed once they have him in class and see what he is capable of. One explanation is that his communication delays and processing issues prevent him from responding in a way that shows his abilities.

Don't shy away from the diagnosis. Your son is not your brother and they may present very differently. I know it's hard to hear, especially in the beginning, but the diagnosis will make it easier for you to get the services he needs.



Well said. My son is now a teenager, and has a PDD-NOS diagnosis. His IQ is "borderline" at a 70. The numbers don't define him though. He loves to read (albeit doesn't comprehend it all), is a fantastic speller, and his teachers adore him. He tries hard in school, and is an all around happy, GOOD kid, and that is all that really matters in life Chat Icon

Posted 12/1/14 12:48 PM
 

MichLiz213
Life is Good!

Member since 7/07

7979 total posts

Name:

Re: Having a hard time.

I just want to thank you all for your support and advice. I am processing this one day at a time, and it goes from being okay to complete emotional breakdown. I think once I get the reports, we have his CPSE, and he starts getting services I will feel better. I am struggling with a lot of different emotions and thoughts right now. I'm sure I'll have plenty more questions ahead. Thank you! Chat Icon

Posted 12/1/14 9:53 PM
 

Sassyz75
Turning a new page

Member since 5/05

9731 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: Having a hard time.

Posted by MichLiz213

I just want to thank you all for your support and advice. I am processing this one day at a time, and it goes from being okay to complete emotional breakdown. I think once I get the reports, we have his CPSE, and he starts getting services I will feel better. I am struggling with a lot of different emotions and thoughts right now. I'm sure I'll have plenty more questions ahead. Thank you! Chat Icon



Listen- this is what someone told me- your son is your son- it doesn't matter what the diagnosis or label is. He is the same kid he was before you started this process.

yes, sometimes their findings are very hard to hear. Sometimes they are't indicative of what you're seeing at home. But also, keep in mind, how children behave at home is different. We can't keep our kids at home all the time- they need to be able to function out in the world- it is a very important life skill.

Once you have his CPSE and start services it will start to change and you'll see progress. It gets better. Early Intervention is crucial.

My friend who's son is autistic (mine is too) said this part is the hardest part- when they're young.. but as they get older (my friend's son is 9) it does get easier.

Posted 12/6/14 4:32 PM
 
 

Potentially Related Topics:

Topic Posted By Started Replies Forum
OK_Ryan is giving me a real hard time (re: sleeping Calla- MrsR I need you) 05mommy09 7/7/06 12 Parenting
I have such a hard time getting up in the morning peabody 6/6/06 17 Families Helping Families ™
Why am I having such a hard time Marcie 5/19/06 7 Pregnancy
does anyone have a hard time standing up for yourself antoinette 5/4/06 12 Families Helping Families ™
For all the moms having a hard time yankinmanc 2/22/06 17 Parenting
I having a hard time... LI2VA 2/3/06 8 Pregnancy
 
Quick navigation:   
Currently 92546 users on the LIFamilies.com Chat
New Businesses
1 More Rep
Carleton Hall of East Islip
J&A Building Services
LaraMae Health Coaching
Sonic Wellness
Julbaby Photography LLC
Ideal Uniforms
Teresa Geraghty Photography
Camelot Dream Homes
Long Island Wedding Boutique
MB Febus- Rodan & Fields
Camp Harbor
Market America-Shop.com
ACM Basement Waterproofing
Travel Tom

      Follow LIWeddings on Facebook

      Follow LIFamilies on Twitter
Long Island Bridal Shows