Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

Hi all! I apologize in advance because I'm pretty sure this is going to be long and a bit rambling.

I naturally conceived my DD after trying for 18 months. My good sense told me to see an RE after the one year mark, but my heart just wasn't there yet and I ended up conceiving the month I finally decided to get real and look into choosing a specialist to help us. It was dumb luck! My daughter is now 2.

I hoped that I'd be one of those lucky people that struggle to conceive the first time around, but get pregnant with No. 2 right away. No such luck. We've been trying for about a year and I'm starting to fall into that dark, hopeless place again.

There's a part of me that feels like I have one beautiful, perfect, happy and healthy child -- be glad for that and move on. Almost like I'm being greedy to want more. I remember when I was so desperate to get pregnant the first time, I would feel totally unsympathetic to people struggling for No. 2. Like, at least you have one, be grateful for that! But I know now to never judge until you walk in those shoes. My heart aches for one more. And though I feel that way, I'm not quite sure I want to undertake the battle of infertility treatments. The more I read about it, the more daunting it seems.

But I am one of the lucky ones that have great IVF coverage. So I feel like I need to at least try. I'm so worried about having regrets later on.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is or what I'm hoping to hear. I guess just writing out my thoughts is a little helpful.

We've been trying for No. 2 for just under a year. Part of me feels like, well, it took a year and a half with No. 1, just keep going. The other part of me is like, you're even older now, your chances of natural conception are even lower, go see a freaking RE!

I just wish it wasn't so hard.

I am thankful every day for my daughter. I just feel like our family isn't complete yet.

Re: Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

Just because you see an RE doesn't necessarily mean you'll need IVF. And only very rarely is IVF the first step. I'd talk to an RE. IUIs may be all you need. Or it may even be a hormonal imbalance, or something, and you'd be able to conceive naturally. IMO, I'd talk to the RE. It's really not a scary place at all!

Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

You sound like me! we conceived naturally for our first after a year. We actually went for a consult appt with the specialist and I happened to be pregnant already! Fast forward to now, we started trying when ds was young bc I figured if it took a long time they could still be close in age. Ds will be 2 in February. Anyway we started seeing an RE about 10 months ago. After 6 failed iuis we tried our first ivf this cycle. I'll know Monday if it worked!! I say go to a specialist and see what's going on. Maybe it's male factor like we have where ivf would work great or it may just be you need some meds and iui and you'll get pregnant. Good luck in your journey! Always remember that you can ask anything here!'

Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

You say you have good coverage so why not meet with a RE and get some tests done to see how everything looks. Doing some tests doesn't mean you will need IVF. It may be a simpler fix. GL

Re: Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

I got pg with ds after 2 years of trying and a few IUIs. I was just about to start IVF when bam I was pg on our own.

We started casually trying right after ds. I'm not allowed to take any BC with hormones so we figured we would roll with it. Well here we are almost 3 years later and nothing.

I too have amazing insurance coverage. We decided that we would not do fertility treatments because it took a real toll on me and honestly our relationship. I do truly feel blessed with my DS and while i would love another I do not want to go through what we did for him!!! I think it would break us!

It's a very personal decision. And there is not right or wrong just what is best for your family.

Re: Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

We had our DS through IVF and we are currently deciding whether we should do it again.

Our son is only one but we are not that young, so it is weighing on us. I have always imagined having multiple children, but I am just not sure if I can put my body through that again. It is a really hard call and a very personal decision. If you do have great coverage though, that would tip me towards doing it again.

Re: Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

Talk to an RE. There could be something causing it that's fixable with meds. It could be as simple as doing an IUI to get your timing right. Or it may be something that requires IVF. They will be able to give you more advice and you can take it as far as you want. But there is nothing wrong with longing for number 2.

Re: Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

I'm an only child because my mom had fertility issues. She was one of the first to do IVF, after I was born and her second ectopic. But it didn't have the sane success. Rates then and she had to travel to VA to do it.

My mom always longed for more children. We're super close and she's so happy to have me, but I think it always made her super over protective.

Plus she's also an only child. Watching her lose her parents and deal with it alone, and then have only my dad and I left as her family.... And knowing that I will go through the same thing one day, I will do anything to give this little one on the way a sibling someday.

Re: Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1

I am in a somewhat similar situation, except my daughter was conceived pretty much immediately. I am approaching 1 year of TTC for #2 and 5 months under the care of a RE. 2 more failed IUI's and I am looking at IVF. I would say see a dr as soon as possible. In my opinion the idea of treatment is much more daunting then the process actually is. I actually felt less stressed knowing my chances each month, I don't have to do opks, BD every other day, etc...

As far as feeling guilty for wanting a 2nd child and the idea you should be happy with 1... I absolutely don't think that is being greedy in anyway.

Re: Deciding on IVF for No. 2 when you conceived naturally for No. 1