Advice about Toddlers

I am hopeful to gain some advice, insight or just to find out I am not alone and able to vent. My son just turned 3 in November . He attends a day care 4 full days a week. He has been there almost a year now.

I would definitely describe my son as High Spirited . He has alot of energy and most of the time can be the sweetest boy ever. Then there is is Mr Hyde. I definitely feel like its getting worse and I am losing control or just my patience has dropped. He is bossy, demanding, and tantrums and his hitting is getting out of control.

The day care has requested we get him evaluated by a behavioral therapist. At first I was in shock and very upset. I go back and forth on thinking whether it not he needs this. I don't want to be " Hey not my Kid" but I must admit I think they are exaggerating a bit and do we really need everything to have a label?

Some added info about the school , back in April my son was 2.5 and they felt he wasn't speaking enough and needed early intervention. So again no wanting to be " hey not my Kid" we had him evaluated and basically they said there is nothing wrong this him. A bit stubborn but nothing wrong. Now he won't stop talking, go figure.

We recently found out we are expecting our second child and I think panic has set in. We asked or Ped and he felt it was just the age and to switch schools. Lol
I agree but I am afraid to switch and disrupt his routine and yet another school can't handle his high spiritedness.

Is it possible I have the worst 3yo ever or is it really the age. Ps we do do times out and they work but it doesn't deter the behavior.

Sorry so lengthy I am just at my wits end.

Re: Advice about Toddlers

If your gut is telling you they may be overreacting, then I would switch schools. Mommy instinct is usually right. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. It might take a week or two, but I am sure he will adjust to his new routine.

Re: Advice about Toddlers

Obviously I don't know your child but I worked and owned a daycare for years. A lot of teachers just don't have patience with boys. They expect them to be calm like many of the girls are and some boys get pegged for being "wild or hyper". I don't know if this is the case but maybe the school isn't a good fit for your child or maybe there is something deeper. If it were me I would have my child evaluated its free and it doesn't hurt. I'd also look at changing schools maybe he would do better in a different environment, a school with less structure or more emphasis put on play especially active play.

Re: Advice about Toddlers

I would describe my 4yr old as high spirited. he's very bright and talks non stop. he goes all day long with no naps now. The energy is boundless. There are days where his attitude and tantrums make me want to put my fist in a wall. and then there are days he is soo sweet.

I think your school may be over-reacting to cover their asses. It probably cant hurt to get him evaluated, but I think its all normal toddler hood stuff.

Re: Advice about Toddlers

many days I say im in your shoes too with both the speech and the mr hyde... I think this is just 3 year old boy behavior... trust your instints.

Especially since you are so mindful about not being a "not my kid" mom, you most likely are not at all.

Advice about Toddlers

I think it's the age. There was a post about defiant 3 year olds not too long ago and lots of people were dealing with the same behaviors in their dc.

I know I'll get flamed for this but these days it seems every kid has to be labeled with something, especially boys. I know a few people who irl who were put through the ringer with evaluations and possible diagnoses only to have their dc turn out to absolutely normal. By all means get the eval done if it'll ease your mind (plus it's free!) but it can also be the school/providers and not your ds.

Advice about Toddlers

I had AJ tested for not speaking 3 times.. *I* wanted to be wrong and I was each time.

Me, I figure tests don't hurt and I'd rather know. That may not be the PC answer. But we don't pay for such tests here in Texas so what harm is there in getting the test done? If they are right then I doubt its really that bad and then maybe you can learn some new tricks to help. If they are wrong same applies.

I am a huge fan of daycare in general and one of the reasons is they think of stuff I wouldn't have. Not because I couldn't it just never dawns on me. That includes discipline.

Im a stern mom, a take no prisoners kind of mom. That said, I'm always honest with her. Can't say fair, but at least honest. My discipline works for me and my daughter. Others have suggested other methods for AJ and they didn't work. Some did. I think getting more info and ideas from others can't hurt. You can implement whatever YOU find appropriate when you find it appropriate and at the level that best suits you and gets the results you want.

Id do the test.

Switch schools? Sure why not. Id do it after a break though. I did AJ's changes after summer breaks, holiday breaks etc. So she started up with new kids at the same time they were all getting used to a new routine. I grew up military so the idea of change of routine is actually more routine than not changing it up. Besides she changes classes every year in school, so how is that different?

ETA: I had one person tell me AJ was ADHD. I said "no, she's just bored of you and isn't paying attention" Looked at my daughter told her how it was gonna be and guess what, she was fine after that. Teacher said it was like a 180. Labels are so easy these days that I just generally ignore them. She's back to being bored now and getting in trouble in school. So I've started to send her to school with Mazes to work on and it has given her focus. She got a little out of hand at home.. seriously freaking pushy, whiney, rude, chaotic, tossing stuff, yelling and slamming doors. Little twerp. I had it out with her by taking ALL of her toys away. Locked them up and she had to earn them back. Tears flowed, angry words from her etc. But she slowly earned them back. She got comfy and whined again. No words I took all her stuff back. Everything she earned. She was furious at me and told me *I* took her stuff. I said 'No you did. You knew what would happen, so if you're mad, be mad at yourself. I don't like to see you cry and I don't like your toys in my closet but you made your choice, next time think harder about your choices" and to date, she has earned all her toys back and has readjusted her attitude. But I will do it again (and this time take her Disney Princess Necklace that she adores and she KNOWS it)

Message edited 1/2/2014 12:34:25 PM.

Re: Advice about Toddlers

I would ask the school what THEIR plan of action is, how they deal with the behavior.

Don't be against eval but they need to be prepared to handle ALL children.

There is 1 child in my son's class (same age - my son will be 4 in may) who sounds very similar to what THEY are describing your son to be.

This child does have anger issues. He hits, he bites, he has angry outbursts and will yell at people and tell them he hates them and he wont share etc etc etc. You know what, he is still there and they are dealing with it.

They have added a third teacher to the room. He has a shadow. They are working very hard with him to correct behaviors and help him!

At first, I wanted him out of the room or my son out BUT, I think this is valuable for my son. He sees how this child acts and how teachers and others respond to him. That is important for a 3 year old to understand. He is learning about actions and consequences from the outside which may help to control HIS behavior.

I hope this helps. I wouldn't be against getting my child evaluated if I were in your shoes but I would also want to know what the school plans to do with that info and how they plan to help your child.

Re: Advice about Toddlers

Thank you everyone for your detailed replies, advice and personal experiences. It's important as parents to be able to bounce things off each other and know what others do and think I believe. They say it takes a village!

I think getting the evaluation will definitely ease out minds and also help just in case actually needed. It can't hurt !

I am going to look for the thread with the defiant 3 years old sound like that have some great information and insight for us.

Keep warm and safe all in this Lovely winter weather!

Re: Advice about Toddlers

Just from anecdotal info here, in person, and other sites, 3 is probably THE worst age for defiant, stubborn kids. Many parents long for the "terrible twos" back, since in hindsight, they were so much easier than the 3s...

You will find tons of threads about how many DC just turned from sweet and loving to pure defiance..... right around 3 years old.