Overwhelmed and really sad

I am feeling extremely overwhelmed with my 2 year old DS

He is a fantastic happy and healthy baby but I can't help but feel like everything is too much - especially when he throws tantrums or gets upset

I don't know what to do with him during the day to keep us busy

I try to take him places to make the hours go by but sometimes it just doesn't work

I hate the fact that I look at the clock everyday and count the hours until his dad comes home

I want so much to enjoy him, I pray for that... but I am having a really hard time with that...

I just started taking anxiety meds so hopefully I will feel better soon but it has been going on for way too long

I am so worried that he is going to pick up on my sadness - trust me I definitely try to hide it when I'm around him - it's just all inside and it's totally building up

Has anyone felt like this? Am I alone?

Message edited 8/23/2012 2:15:45 PM.

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

Having a 2 year old isn't easy, and being home with one all day can be challenging at times (I'm a SAHM to an almost 3 yr old).

Keeping busy during the day can be tough and yes, sometimes the days just drag on. I find that going on errands really helps. Even just being outside. Sometimes I notice DS linger outside when we are coming in the house and I find that I just hang out with him out there and try to see the world through his eyes, we wind up having a really nice 10-15 minutes that brighten our morning.

Do you a have a schedule? I find that really works for us. This way I know what to expect and it breaks the day into chunks.

You mentioned anxiety meds - give them some time to work. Have you considered an anti-depressive also?

The truth is that kids pick up on a lot of things, our sadness, anxiety and happiness and then some. It sounds like you are trying your best and that's what matters. Part of the problem encountered when children are raised by sad or depressive moms is that there is a lack of interaction but it doesn't sound like this is you, so I wouldn't worry.

It sounds like your son is taken care of but you do need to take care of yourself. You mentioned that things are building up inside - you have to let them out. Talk to your DH, a friend, a spiritual leader (priest, rabbi, etc), call a help line or even just write it all down. Sit and write.

You are not alone. While some of this sounds like it could be related to anxiety/depression issues, a lot of it is also what goes on when you are home with a child who needs you to have all their needs met. Raising a child is hard work and staying home with one even more so. I am a SAHM but for me it is a labor of love. It is not easy for me at all. Some days I struggle, some days are great.

Give the meds some time and cut yourself some slack. Hang in there. If things get too bad though, do not forget to ask for help - call a dr, OB, someone.

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

2 is such a rough age. How about playdates with other children? Or maybe a mommy and me class? Just something where you can interact with other moms with kids who are the same age and he can use up some of that extra energy. It won't be like this forever, hang in there

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

Both my DH and I could have written so much of what you just wrote- word for word.
I feel that way a lot too.
2 is SUCH a hard, hard age. I sometimes can't wait for it to be over.
The tantrums, the constant need for attention, the inability to play independantly, the mood swings, the screaming and crying and defiance.
It can wear on you.
It wears on me daily.
Even somethign simple like food shopping is a huge ordeal now and hit or miss if she will pitch a fit in the store.
DH Is home with DD more now and even he says that by the end of a long day he can't wait for me to come home, he can't wait for her bed time.
We both love her to pieces- more than anything- but the reality of the day to day wears on you.
She is bored a lot, she wants constantl attention from us, she wants everything when and how she wants it.
I swear, sometimes I am glad for the days she goes to daycare- because she is stimulated all day long there, which is something we can't do at home.
We have things to do around the house, we need down time ourselves too.
Sometimes I just want to veg and surf the net or watch TV, but I really can't.
It's maddening at times.

A lot of what you are feeling is SOOO normal, but if it really starts to affect your mood constantly, definitely don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Message edited 8/23/2012 2:35:58 PM.

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

I definitely feel that structure and getting out of the house everyday helps so much. We get out everyday from 9-12. Lunch and naps. Afternoon in the yard or tv shows. I never go to bed without plans for the next day. I look here, on newsday, in the local paper, for all kinds of local events. I have driven up to an hour for some event, just to get out of the house.

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

I am a FTWM and I am stressed out and overwhelmed sometimes from just 6 - 9:30 pm !! I can only imagine all day, every day - (I have a 1 and 3 year old)

I agree with the other posters that getting out is KEY - I think getting them together with other kids is even better .......
Even if you get them to the park where there are almost ALWAYS other kids to play with ......
My boys will pretty much 'make friends' to play with anywhere ... Obviously they prefer kids they already know, but if that's not an option neither are opposed to waltzing up to someone new and starting to play / talk ......

it's helps YOU too b/c while you still have to watch him, you don't have to be the one entertaining him .........

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

I feel exactly like you some days w my 2 yo. I am putting him In a nursery program in September. I think he needs to be around other kids and away from me. I also need a mental break. Could you hire a sitter once a week or sign him up for a program as well?

I also don't take him food shopping if I can avoid it because it never ends well!

Overwhelmed and really sad

What worked for me was a schedule and letting DS know what was coming...we are going to color for 5 minutes then go outside. Then give a 1-2 minute warning, "one minute until we clean-up".
There are some great toddler activity books/websites - maybe check there for ideas. Schedule some free play/down time too.
GL

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

You are not alone at all. 2 can have rough moments. Can you enroll him in some type of part time daycare or scheduled activities?
Maybe set up a schedule to have some type of regimine? For example,

Monday- pool, , lunch, nap, read, playground

Tues- zoo, lunch, nap, playground, read

Wed- play date, lunch, nap, pool, backyard fun

son on, etc.
I find that on the days I'm home ( I work 4 days on/3 days off) it helps to have scheduled events.

Also, is there a babysitter you can hire 1 or 2 afternoons a week so that you can be alone/get a manicure/relax by yourslf? Having alone time is helpful.

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

join a meetup group, they saved my life!

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

I would be lost and probably on meds too if i didn't keep my boys SUPER active. I thank god for the bunch of mom friends i have that are my sanity. we meet at least 1-2 a week, most weeks more. I have them in gymboree and music. We have the pass for all the zoos/aquairums. We visit family and friends. We go for longggg walks, parks and playgrounds. Even a quick trip to target can change up the mood. We are constantly on the go. My days usually fly by. BUT those days, when they are sick, or we need to stay home for a long amount of time for whatever reason are HARD. and they have eachother to help entertain ...i really can't imagine if they didn't have a built in play mate!?!?! There is no shame in asking for help. You are doing a great thing for your family. WE women are the core of our families, when we we are down, so is everyone else. You are NOT alone. Just bc you don't "enjoy" every moment with a two year old does not mean you are a bad mother. Being a mom, is the hardest job in the world, you are doing a GREAT job !!

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

There is a great MOPS group in Huntington. (Mothers of Pre Schoolers)

Are you nearby? Free child care during the meetings and lots of ladies in the same life situation. They also have monthly events with the kids, and a monthly MOPs ladies night out.

If anyone is interested, please message me for more info.

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

My son is a sweetie pie, but he definitely knows how to embarass Mommy whenever he feels like it!! (He's 21 months.) Just the other day, we were in the library, he must have screeched at least 3 times! Shopping with him is very hard too, only allows a certain amount of time before that's it!! I just try to tell myself, 1, it's the age, 2, he's still teething, & 3, he doesn't really know of any of way to communicate when he doesn't like something. I love being with my son, but I too, count down the time until Daddy comes home!! Don't worry girl, you aren't alone!! Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure that you are a wonderful Mommy & your little boy loves you so much!!

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad

You are NOT alone.

I feel that way all the time even though I know I am so blessed with a perfect, healthy, happy DD.

She is only 1 & I already see how strong willed she is, 2 should be fun

Could you ask DH to help out more?

When DH works a lot of OT that's when I really loose it.
His hours change every day & it drives me crazy.

When I'm looking forward to handing her off to him, he'll text me & tell me he's working a double shift & won't be home until the next day (which means he'll be sleeping the rest of that day )

Sorry, had to vent myself, thanks

Back to you...ask for help & try to take care of yourself a little more.

Re: Overwhelmed and really sad