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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Question about Children having to see their father....
I thought in NYS there was an age where children could decide that they don't want to have contact with their parent any more.
My friend's dd is 13 and no longer wants contact with her father. The court is forcing her....why?
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Posted 10/28/11 10:59 AM  |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
My parents split up when I was 8. When I was 12, I decided that I did not want to see my father anymore. My mom went to court, I had to see a therapist, and ended up having to sit down with a family court judge.
Not sure the specifics, just know that I never had to see him again after that.
Edited to add: there were substance abuse issues that my father had, as well as a history of mental abuse that had been documented. Also, he rarely came to see me when he was supposed to. I am assuming that all these things combined led to the judges decision in my case.
He did have to pay child support though until I was 21.
Message edited 10/28/2011 5:35:50 PM.
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| Posted 10/28/11 11:01 AM |
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dfw343
LIF Infant
Member since 7/10 246 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
I am not saying your friend is doing this but because in a lot of cases, the child is being brainwashed with lies of the other parent.
It is called Parent Alienation Syndrome and in some states, is used in court.
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| Posted 10/28/11 11:16 AM |
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annoyedTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3272 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Would this mean the father no longer has to pay child support?
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| Posted 10/28/11 11:20 AM |
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ThePinkGoose
In Your Hands
Member since 8/08 4706 total posts
Name:
Nunya
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Posted by annoyedTTCer
Would this mean the father no longer has to pay child support?
No, the father would still have to pay child support.
I also agree with the Parental Alienation Syndrome.
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| Posted 10/28/11 11:22 AM |
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MrsS6510
2 girls?!?!?
Member since 9/10 3318 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Technically, the child can make the decision at 18 - when they're no longer a "child." However, if the child proves they're mature enough to make the decision, some family court judges will allow them to decide earlier.
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| Posted 10/28/11 11:25 AM |
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annoyedTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3272 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Posted by AnaMaree77
Posted by annoyedTTCer
Would this mean the father no longer has to pay child support?
No, the father would still have to pay child support.
I also agree with the Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Doesn't seem fair that a father has to pay to support a child that wants nothing to do with him.
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| Posted 10/28/11 12:00 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Posted by annoyedTTCer
Posted by AnaMaree77
Posted by annoyedTTCer
Would this mean the father no longer has to pay child support?
No, the father would still have to pay child support.
I also agree with the Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Doesn't seem fair that a father has to pay to support a child that wants nothing to do with him.
Oh hell there were countless times I wanted nothing to do with EITHER parent when I was a teenager, but they still supported me 
I would think under extenuating circumstances would a child be granted the right, by the courts, to no longer see a parent
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| Posted 10/28/11 12:07 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Because the child is only 13 years old. Unless there's some sort of abuse going on, the child should be seeing his/her father.
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| Posted 10/28/11 12:23 PM |
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LeShellem
A new beginning
Member since 2/07 3600 total posts
Name:
LeShelle
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Posted by eroxgirl
Because the child is only 13 years old. Unless there's some sort of abuse going on, the child should be seeing his/her father.
I disagree. I grew up with a very bad stepfather. I wasn't "technically" abused, but If he was my father I would have given anything to not have to see him. Unless you know the circumstances you can not state the above.
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| Posted 10/28/11 12:31 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
If there is an issue, the mother can bring this up in court and they will have a social worker come out and speak to the child and do an evaluation and/or they will assign a law guardian who will decide what's best for the child.. They will want to know what why she doesn't and won't take the mother's word for it..
And yes, the father will still pay for child support even though she doesn't want to see him..
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| Posted 10/28/11 12:31 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Posted by LeShellem
Posted by eroxgirl
Because the child is only 13 years old. Unless there's some sort of abuse going on, the child should be seeing his/her father.
I disagree. I grew up with a very bad stepfather. I wasn't "technically" abused, but If he was my father I would have given anything to not have to see him. Unless you know the circumstances you can not state the above.
Of course I can state the above without knowing the circumstances.
The average 13 year old is not fully equipped to make those kinds of long term, adult decisions, no matter how mature they may appear. Their brains haven't finished developing yet and therefore, their desires can't just be blindly accepted and acted upon without anything to back them up.
But when there's abuse - physical, emotional, sexual, drugs or alcohol, or neglect (which is also abuse IMO) - or there's some kind of problem with the father (mental illness, etc.) there's a tangible reason that a child psychologist can get behind and the courts will accept.
There are so many deadbeats out there that want nothing to do with their kids, when one actually does have an interest it's only fair to give him a shot.
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| Posted 10/28/11 1:09 PM |
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sfp0701
Liam's Mommy!
Member since 1/07 9764 total posts
Name:
Tricia
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
When I was younger it was 16. My siblings were going to be forced to see him and I didn't have to. And I think it is very hard to convince a court to let a child refuse to see a parent. Mine was the most abusive SOB on the face of the earth, in every way, who brainwashed therapists into saying he was okay. Luckily at the 11th hour he did something really bad and the court came back on the children's side and didn't force us to see him. I was going to go even though I didn't want to just to protect my younger sibilings... yes.. it was THAT SCARY of a situation and family court and CPS were still going to force us to see him.
Good luck to your friends DC. It's not a fun situation to be in. And I disagree, in some situations an 8 year old can be equipt to say they don't want to see a parent. In some rare situations like the one I was in.
Message edited 10/28/2011 4:07:27 PM.
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| Posted 10/28/11 4:02 PM |
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luvmyReese
Hello Kitty
Member since 1/08 7542 total posts
Name:
Catt
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
if my son told me he no longer wants to visit his dad that wld be a red flag to me. Your friend wld have to dig deeper and find out WHY and approach the court.
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| Posted 10/28/11 4:06 PM |
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BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
The bottom line is that he hardly ever sees her to begin with....Now that he is back in NYS he wants to see her. However, he has a new girl friend who has kids and basically, when she goes over to their house, she is a babysitter. So, he doesn't really want to see her, he wants to use her and that bothers her.
She has a law guardian and the law guardian basically said, that because there is no abuse or neglect, she has to see him.
From what I have seen, the mom tries to be fair. I don't really think she brain washes her daughter.
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| Posted 10/28/11 7:18 PM |
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lynnd126
LIF Adult
Member since 3/11 2630 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question about Children having to see their father....
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by LeShellem
Posted by eroxgirl
Because the child is only 13 years old. Unless there's some sort of abuse going on, the child should be seeing his/her father.
I disagree. I grew up with a very bad stepfather. I wasn't "technically" abused, but If he was my father I would have given anything to not have to see him. Unless you know the circumstances you can not state the above.
Of course I can state the above without knowing the circumstances.
The average 13 year old is not fully equipped to make those kinds of long term, adult decisions, no matter how mature they may appear. Their brains haven't finished developing yet and therefore, their desires can't just be blindly accepted and acted upon without anything to back them up.
But when there's abuse - physical, emotional, sexual, drugs or alcohol, or neglect (which is also abuse IMO) - or there's some kind of problem with the father (mental illness, etc.) there's a tangible reason that a child psychologist can get behind and the courts will accept.
There are so many deadbeats out there that want nothing to do with their kids, when one actually does have an interest it's only fair to give him a shot.
But IMO the pp was saying something along the lines of what if the parent is not "abusive" technically/legally whatever you want to call it but still behaving in such a way that it IS making a great negative impact on the child? Someone doesn't have to smoke crack and beat a kid to be doing them harm. IMO 13 is old enough that if a child has something to say to this effect it SHOULD be at least listened to and evaluated by a social worker/ the court etc. Maybe they should not get the final decision but imo their concerns should not be ignored.
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| Posted 10/28/11 11:19 PM |
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