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How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

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maymama
my little loves

Member since 8/08

18453 total posts

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Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

does he have an option? i might be alone here but my feeling is, a job with late hours is better than no job Chat Icon

my DH worked late 4 nights per week but we got to spend weekends together! that was our family time. Chat Icon

we do what we have to do, kwim? Chat Icon

Posted 6/15/11 8:40 AM
 
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maymama
my little loves

Member since 8/08

18453 total posts

Name:

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by munchkinfacemama

Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08

Posted by Calla

Don't take it out on him. He is just doing what he has to do to support his family. Find other mommy friends to be your support.

your completely right. It's just so hard. I can't deal with being alone 12+ hours and then I worry about dd not even knowing who her daddy is.



Please don't worry that she won't know who her daddy is! Chat Icon We are often away for DH for a month at a time with our stupid arrangement (he is in FL, I am in NY looking to go back to work as an attorney) and when she sees him, it is like they never parted! Chat Icon



this made me Chat Icon DS only sees me for 2-2.5 hours a day during the week Chat Icon 7-8am and 5:30-7pm

you know what, NO one can replace me for him Chat Icon he clings to me. he certainly knows who i am!!! even daddy can't replace mommy for my son Chat Icon if mommy is in the room, no one else exists Chat Icon she will know who mommy and daddy are no matter what! you guys are doing great.

Posted 6/15/11 8:43 AM
 

jmf423
:)

Member since 5/05

6372 total posts

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Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

DH works very long hours. Some weeks he doesn't see the kids M-F, every so often he will see them for a few minutes int he morning 1 or 2 days a week but it is rare.

I know he would rather be home at 5, but it is just not possible for us. He has to work those hours so we can afford our house and I can be a SAHM.

I get out with the kids almost every day. And like someone said, try not to be mad at him and resent him (although it is hard....believe me, i know!!!)

For us, it is the norm to not have him around. Sometimes if he is off for a day or home early it messes up my whole routine! LOL

Posted 6/15/11 8:45 AM
 

ali120206
2 Boys

Member since 7/06

15398 total posts

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Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

There are so many good things said here that I want to quote.

First, DH worked a ton when I was on maternity leave. He worked his normal 24 hr shifts plus overtime since he knew once I was back to work, it would be harder to do. He also played basketball one night a week. I felt that my life had changed drastically and his pretty much remained the same. It was tough.

I went back to work, and it was a hard adjustment but, it felt good to get some of my old life back. I did miss DS terribly though since I only got to see him about 30 minutes to an hour a day during the week.

I agree with maymama - nobody can replace mommy and daddy. DH has been gone a lot this past month and I am gone 12 hrs a day for work. The second that one of us gets home or gets him from daycare - we are met with a running toddler with a huge smile.

Posted 6/15/11 9:16 AM
 

mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!

Member since 3/09

8584 total posts

Name:
Melissa

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I've been there especially in the early months. Dh works in Manhattan and we live in suffolk. He gets home between 9-10 some nights 11 if his job or clients.require him to stay late. Dh doesn't get to see dd all that much during the week but his job allows me the opportunity to be home with dd and allows us to live comfortably. The job market is so tough and dh was spared during layoffs last year so I know I shouldn't complain. However it is hard, some nights I do feel like a single mom, and trust me I've called dh crying for him to come home and help me but in.the end we need the income..

Posted 6/15/11 10:22 AM
 

TheDivineMrsM
2 girls 4 me!

Member since 8/08

7878 total posts

Name:
Mama mama mama....

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

M will absolutely know who her daddy is!

My dad worked really long hours when I was growing up. There were several days that I wouldn't see him - he'd leave and come home when I was sleeping. He worked 6 days a week until I was 12. I missed him. But my mom reminded us that he was doing it to take care of my brothers, sister, and I. He spent tons of time with us on his days off. Once we were a little older, he'd take us to work. Each of us have a great work ethic b/c we grew up watching him.

I know it's hard, but it'd be harder if you really were a single parent Kristin. If you were, you'd be working all kinds of crazy hours PLUS doing everything for the baby, all by yourself. I know it's hard to be alone so much, but try and enjoy the time you do have together as a family.

Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 6/15/11 10:39 AM
 

gporka23
:)

Member since 11/08

3783 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Im sorry. I understand.

I work 8:30-5:30 everyday and then my DH will (for the most part) work 4pm-12am and not get home until after 1am usually. He also works weekends. We barely see him and I am getting really sick and tired of taking care of the baby all by myself all the time. His job is the only thing we fight over Chat Icon He is trying to do something about his schedule but its been really hard for him to change it.

Posted 6/15/11 10:42 AM
 

mrsboss
my little love

Member since 12/09

5053 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I'm in the same exact predicament. This is basically the only thing we fight about-his schedule! Dh owns a few businesses and is actually taking on another at the moment, which i'm not happy about. He is gone from 430am till 5pm and then goes back to work a few nights from 8-midnight. There aren't enough hours in the day. He also works most of the weekend and does work stuff even when he's at home. It's also very hard because we live out of state and I have no family to help me with DD.

I also resent him, but I'm trying to be more understanding that he doesn't WANT to be at work this much, but he has to and we need his salary. I also went back to work full time a few weeks ago, and it will get easier once YOU are back in the mix. What's also been awesome is dd is sleeping 8-10 hrs a night, so I feel human again.

The one way we tried to work on this, is that he promised not to take any work calls or do work stuff on the computer for the few hours a night he is actually around.

Don't worry, you're def not alone!

Posted 6/15/11 12:22 PM
 

Lillykat
going along for the ride...

Member since 5/05

16253 total posts

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Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

honestly you just kind of get used to it. DH was working long hours and now is working even longer and not getting home until 930 or 10 - and brings work home - both during the week and disappears on weekends as well.

It is hard - but you take the time you CAN get and make the most of it.Chat Icon

Posted 6/15/11 6:21 PM
 

Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!

Member since 8/05

14470 total posts

Name:
Veronica

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08

Posted by Calla

Don't take it out on him. He is just doing what he has to do to support his family. Find other mommy friends to be your support.

your completely right. It's just so hard. I can't deal with being alone 12+ hours and then I worry about dd not even knowing who her daddy is.




No advice.. but Chat Icon

And she will know who her daddy is Chat Icon My dad was gone 9m a year then 3m he worked 8-6pm. So for a very fast and short 3m I had my Dad in my life. For us it wasn't Quantity but Quality.

Still.. Chat Icon hope ya'll work something out.

Posted 6/15/11 6:58 PM
 

lynnd126
LIF Adult

Member since 3/11

2630 total posts

Name:

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by Calla

Don't take it out on him. He is just doing what he has to do to support his family. Find other mommy friends to be your support.



I don't necessarily agree with this. I mean, is he actively looking to change this schedule even if it means a completely new job? Call me selfish- but if I were you I wouldn't treat DH like cr@p for "working" but at the same time if we were without him THAT many hours each day I would expect change- and not only b/c *I* want it- I would hope that this schedule was hurting him as well b/c HE also craves times with family, kwim?

So, while I do understand that he is just "bringing home the bacon" I wouldn't just suck it up for what could be the next 30+ years and make more empathetic mommy friends.

I'm sorry you're going through this! Chat Icon

ETA I know it's not a good economy and I don't know your financial circumstances- I'm NOT saying DH should up and quit- I'm saying I would personally feel like he should at least be looking at his/for new options.

Message edited 6/16/2011 8:47:33 AM.

Posted 6/16/11 8:09 AM
 

BeachMom
Love my 4 kiddos!

Member since 11/08

8346 total posts

Name:
Kristie

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by KevinNKristin8-15-08

Posted by omg2forme

No advice except I totally know how you feel. Dh works nights so when I get home from work at 6pm with 2 kids in tow he is gone. In the morning he is asleep or just getting home as I am walking out. On the weekends he has military drills and various club sports. I have often started to wonder why I am not a single mother because at least then I might get a break at some point.

Have you tried telling him how you feel? Is this his normal schedule or is this overtime or busy season?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this too. Chat Icon

thank you. I've tried talking to him but he's under this impression that working hours like this is normal. Sorry but I don't consider being away 12+ hours normal especially getting home at 9:00 at night. The worst is this is his normal schedule. No overtime or anything. It's crazy to me.



My DH used to do this and work crazy hours, then he decided that it wasn't worth it and cut back his hours, wound up losing his job and now he only works part time and we struggle sooo much.

Honestly, I would sit down and have a good talk with him, get someone to watch your LO and you and him have it out. Tell him what you want/expect and then hopefully the two of you can come up with a plan on how to get there.

honestly, it's like being a single parent sometimes, but that's the way it used to be. I don't remember my dad ever being home except on the weekends. now as a grandparent he realizes how much he missed of us growing up and tries to do it with his grandchildren.

Good LuckChat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 6/16/11 8:14 AM
 

MrsDiamondgrlie
Bailey

Member since 5/05

12810 total posts

Name:
D

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I didnt read all the replies but I wanted to comment... I know where you are coming from because DH works midnights and sleeps all day. I see him from about 6pm - 9pm and thats all. It is very hard and I feel like a single mom too. But first, I tell myself that he worked that schedule before we had DS so it cant be a surprise that he isnt around and he would much rather be home than at work but his work allows me to be a SAHM so how can I complain? How young is your DD? Maybe you are still in adjustment mode to your new life. Hang in there! Chat Icon

Posted 6/16/11 8:40 AM
 

BaroqueMama
Chase is one!

Member since 5/05

27530 total posts

Name:
me

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

My husband and I don't see each other M-F during the school year because we work opposite schedules. That means that Ava only sees him on the weekends, too, since she's in school and leaves with me in the mornings while he's sleeping.
It used to really upset me because he wasn't around for us, but now I'm better with it. He works these hours so our family can have a better life. He's home with the baby all day so that he doesn't have to go to daycare and he is around on the weekends for quality time.
So, I got used to it. But I used to resent him for it until I realized there was no point in that since he's doing it for us.

Posted 6/16/11 8:46 AM
 
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