I have officially decided that I hate everyone

i was talking to a few girls at work. they were asking me when DH and I plan on trying for #2. i said that I think we are only going to have one child. well, i got attacked!

i was told the following:

* you can't have have one kid, that is not fair to the child.

*he will have no one to play with

*you are not a good person if you if you do not give him siblings

what gives people the rights to say things like this? i would never say this to anyone, mind you, one of the women never had kids herself. i actually feel hurt by these comments. i know i should ignore it

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

I am so sorry you had to deal with that.
It is a personal decision and there is no reason for anyone to judge.

I had a very difficult time holding onto a pregnancy.. so for me this is my miracle baby --and i just don't see myself going through all that pain and hurt and meds etc.. so I always say this is it for me -- I sometimes get the same reaction as you did.. and it hurts I know.

Whatever reasons you have hold onto them and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it!

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

Thats your decision.. noone should say anything about it. Unfortunately people always like to add in their opinion. Try your best to ignore it

I always wanted 1 child too. Its just what i wanted, however DH wants 3 so we compromised and said hopefully 2!

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

OMG people say the same to us when we say that we are thinking of just the one!

I cant see how this is anyone's business- I'm sorry that they were so rude to you

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

Read the latest Time Magazine- the cover story is about the myth of the only child. I haven't finished it, but so far it is showing how much more successful only children are in life.

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

Last week's Time Magazine had a whole article on only children. Definitely check it out! It talks about how people assume being an only child is negative and that that attitude is slowly changing. It all started with some wack guy who did a study on only chidlren that was completely invalid.

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

My cousin is an only child and she said she'd never have more than one -- she had the best childhood and has the best life and absolutely loves being an only child! I think it's a wonderful decision and these other people are creeps who don't know what the heck they're talking about. You and your DH will do what YOU want and your child will have a WONDERFUL life.

They can all go suc.k an egg. GRRRRRRR

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

i would've replied "i will have another one when you make weekly deposits into my checking account to support said child"

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

I heard the same thing last night.
I told them its a personal decision and left it like that.

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

People are idiots.
That is your decision and you need to do what is right for your family!

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

thanks girls!
i know i should not listen to anyone, it just upsets me sometimes

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

It's very much a personal decision. I was an only until I was 9, then my mother had my brother. I never really felt like I had a sibling because of the huge age difference. And, where I didn't have him around until I was 9, he didn't have me around after he was 9 so he got his "only child" time too.

He passed away 3 years ago, now I'm an "only" again, technically.

I never minded being an only, kind of liked it actually, and don't think it would have been a problem if I'd remained that way. That said, having my brother around for 25 years of my life then losing him when we were finally getting to ages where we could relate to each other more though changed my mind about how many children to have.

It was a very personal and private decision for me, and I did put a lot of thought into it. DH always wanted another, I was hesitant. I decided that if we were to do it, I didn't want them to be too far apart in age. I am having another DD in October and they will only be 2.5 yrs apart, which I think is perfect.

I don't think the stereotypes are true. I'm not a selfish brat. I was never "lonely" growing up. I got to experience a lot of things my friends with siblings didn't up until my brother came along. I always got to bring friends with me instead of being "stuck" with a sibling. I've never had problems making friends and have always been outgoing, yet I can manage by myself and am quite independent. If no one was around to play with, I used my imagination or read books..... I don't recall ever being bored or lonely more than any of my friends with sibs were. I always felt more fortunate than them because I didn't have to share my space/room with them. I got to choose when to be around friends and when I wanted "me" time.

I know that this is rambling and long, but you shouldn't let anyone make you feel guilty about only having one if that is what you want.

ETA: I am not trying to offend anyone that has a sibling or anything, just want to relate how I felt about being an only child way back when............

Message edited 7/20/2010 9:38:09 PM.

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

Oh you have just hit a nerve with me too.

Do not under any circumstances let anyone tell you what you should do.

I have an 11 month old. He is beautiful and we love him to death. He has brought so much happiness into our lives. He has also brought so much work. Is this not what a parent should expect? Of course. However, my husband and I both work and staying home is not an option. We both were happy with one and having only one was an option. However, in the back of our minds we knew there may be the possibilty that we would have another. Why? All of the reasons those people told you.

Well, we are having another one. I am 11 weeks pregnant. We were taken by suprise as we were not "trying" even though we obviously were not using protection. Neverless, we realize this is a blessing, we are very happy, and we can't wait to meet the new baby. Again, on the other hand, I am really sick right now during the frist trimester, some nights I am beyond exhaused, and thinking of having two scares me. We have to think out our living arrangement and child care. It is a lot.

Until those people who are telling you to have two are going to come over and cook, clean, play with the baby, stay up at night with the baby, bathe and feed the baby, pay for the baby's neccessities, don't let them influence you.

This is a decision for you and your husband and there are very happy only children in the world today.

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

I'm an only child. While I always wanted a sibling I would NEVER EVER say to someone that they just cant have one! WTH? People are strange and really have no business telling you how to run your life.
I'm sorry they made you feel bad!

Message edited 7/21/2010 10:58:24 AM.

Re: I have officially decided that I hate everyone

I only want to have one child! I grew up in a large family and money was always a problem (my mom was a single parent). I want to be able to have my child enjoy childhood and not have to worry about money issues. Granted, DH and I both make good salaries, but we want to make sure (as much as we possibly can) that we are always comfortable--one seems like the perfect number! Don't even feel bad about your decision .