Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

OK I am prepared to get flamed for this but I think people who already have kids will understand what I mean:

When my son was born we were INUNDATED with gifts -- I mean as far as people who we haven't talked to in like 10 years sent us stuff! It was pretty overwhelming to see people's generosity.

That said -- I'm not exaggerating when I say we got:

- at LEAST 20 baby blankets
- about 40 outfits that he would never have a hope of fitting into (he was a 5-pounder and in preemie clothes for more than a month, which we had to go buy at the last minute). So by the time he fit into the stuff it was way out of season.
- half of those outfits were just hideous (like super tacky sailor suits, not kidding)

We donated some of it to charity, gave some to friends. Some I just tossed bc nobody in their right mind would put their kid in it

This time around -- I want people to give us NOTHING - we literally have everything we need already except some basics I will buy myself --- OR if someone insists on a gift I really just want gift cards to Diapers.com to buy diapers and formula, which is what you TRULY NEED. I told my mom if anyone did ask, to please tell them that.

How can I gently tell people, please give us NOTHING or the gift card?????????? I can't right?

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

You can't.

People like to bring gifts. I mean, you can tell your closest family and friends and MAYBE they can gently spread the word, but I don't think that you can make that request especially since gift giving after a baby isn't a mandatory thing, people do it generously.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

You can't. People love to buy baby gifts. Accept there generosity for what it is, and that's it. If you feel you can't use the clothes you can always post it on here, I'm sure there are many moms that would love new clothes - or give it to the Salvation Army.

Did you save clothes from your first child? I went through 8 bins from my son - and most of them had tags on them. To me - they were not a waste of $$ since I am using it now. It is making my life so much easier this time around because I literally don't have to buy a thing.

Message edited 9/13/2009 8:42:16 AM.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Maybe you can set up a college fund or something and send out a little note to those who send gifts the first time.

Thank them and somehow nicely tell them to donate to college fund instead.
Maybe you can turn it into a cute poem

Big brother loves to share...
Little baby's bum will never be bare ..
ok im not good at this ill stop

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

you reallly can't. People want to give gifts, you can't stop them. Believe it or not, my DD is 7 months old and we just got a gift from a friend of my grandmother the other day!

Our issue was that I did not have a shower (I'm jewish), but had a registry. While I was beyond appreciative of all the gifts we received, we got NOTHING from our registry and had to purchase everything ourselves (which was fine, we had no issue with that and we could easily afford to), BUT I had a registry for a reason. It was filled with only necessisities. Anyway, since we had a girl every single gift we got was clothes. Since we are jewish we had a Simcha Bat (baby naming celebration) for our DD when she was 2 months old. On the invitation we requested no gifts only some "words of wisdom for growing up" to be shared either via email, letter or with the videographer my IL's hired for the event. For the most part, that worked and people respected that. I would say out of the 150+ people that attended, we only got a handful of gifts.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Yep I figured as much. I honestly just feel bad bc it was SUCH a waste of money for people bc we did not use 75% of what we got! Some of it we will finally get to use with this new baby though.


It's technically not a waste. If you give it to charity, someone will use the clothes and blankets. Someone will think that salior suite is the cutest thing ever....Don't say anything, smile, say thank you and use what you want and give away the others.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Posted by momytobein2010

Maybe you can set up a college fund or something and send out a little note to those who send gifts the first time.

Thank them and somehow nicely tell them to donate to college fund instead.
Maybe you can turn it into a cute poem

Big brother loves to share...
Little baby's bum will never be bare ..
ok im not good at this ill stop

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by momytobein2010

Maybe you can set up a college fund or something and send out a little note to those who send gifts the first time.

Thank them and somehow nicely tell them to donate to college fund instead.
Maybe you can turn it into a cute poem

Big brother loves to share...
Little baby's bum will never be bare ..
ok im not good at this ill stop

Can I just say that I would be SO offended by this, I know that you mean well, but if I gave a gift when your first DC was born, then got a note like this in the mail, I would be SO offended.

People love to buy baby stuff, especially clothes. I got gifts from people who already bought me shower gifts after DS was born.

I also agree with Diana that since the OP is having another baby, it isn't a waste at all.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Posted by momytobein2010

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by momytobein2010

Maybe you can set up a college fund or something and send out a little note to those who send gifts the first time.

Thank them and somehow nicely tell them to donate to college fund instead.
Maybe you can turn it into a cute poem

Big brother loves to share...
Little baby's bum will never be bare ..
ok im not good at this ill stop

Can I just say that I would be SO offended by this, I know that you mean well, but if I gave a gift when your first DC was born, then got a note like this in the mail, I would be SO offended.

People love to buy baby stuff, especially clothes. I got gifts from people who already bought me shower gifts after DS was born.

I also agree with Diana that since the OP is having another baby, it isn't a waste at all.

Sorry really meant no harm. Thanks for letting me know, I'm not easily offended by things like this so I don't really get it. But I totally trust what your saying would be true with majority of my family.

notebooking this post if anyone have any other ideas. I'd be very interested as I don't want to deal with gifts either and I'm scared of polyester onesies coming my way

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

I agree with everyones responses. People, myself included, LOVE to buy baby gifts! You did the right thing by telling your mother who can relay the message to close friends/family. However, everybody else feels as if it brings them closer to your baby and they would not want to come empty handed. Also, I agree that diapers are very expensive while you can go to Marshalls and get a 3 piece outfit for $12! You may feel it is wasteful, but anything that makes people feel good really can't be that bad! As others have suggested just say a polite thank you and then do what you need to do afterward...defintely post those clothes on here, we could all use some!!!

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

No flames, but I totally agree with PP-while your intentions are good because you don't want people to spend their money, people will do what they want. I agree with the PP who suggested that you gently spread the word through family.

But remember-there are many families out there who are needy and by donating to them, like you did with DS, you are doing a wonderful beautiful thing, a mitzvah, a good deed. Even if you think something is hideous, please donate it, as that is what I will do if we receive something we don't like. The hideous onesie you get can be a lifesaver for the mommy who cannot afford them! Even if you think something is too ugly for words, someone else might like it-KWIM? And beyond that, as I said before, that may be one more necessary article of clothing for a needy family.

Even though you don't need the clothes, a few things might be nice-a few less things you have to buy!

If you were having a sprinkle, I would say maybe register for those things you need-even that is no guarantee. People love buying baby clothes, and people are generous!

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Great suggestion - If I was an active poster here when DS was born I would have happily given all that extra stuff away to LIFers. Stick around til Feb, that's when this one shows up! There will be more to give!

But then there's always the awkward "Auntie Martha wants to see a photo of baby in the polyester sailor suit she sent!" Um, sorry gave that to Salvation Army? Yikes.

Message edited 9/13/2009 10:18:01 AM.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

You also might find that u get a lot less than last time b/c it is the 2nd baby and for whatever reason people are just less inclined.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

I'm having my first and this is what I'm afraid of - I know my family and I know DH's family and I know they mean well, but we're going to end up with so much more than we need, want, like, etc. I just hope people give gift receipts. I have a hard time resisting baby clothes myself but I ALWAYS give a gift receipt because even if you have similar taste, the size may not be right, or someone may receive too much of one size - you just never know. And for those who don't give gift receipts, I'm a big believer in goodwill and will happily offer stuff up to other moms on here too - any extras will find a happy home somewhere!

Message edited 9/13/2009 11:28:24 AM.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

i would think that most people would include a gift receipt, especially for clothes bc, like you said the baby could be born samll (or bigger for that matter) and may not fit into the clothes. In that case, couldnt you exchange or get GC to use for diapers and formula.
I mean if people ask, what do they need, i dont see anything wrong with telling them truthfully all we need are diapers and formula but i wouldnt flat out ask for GC

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

i agree with you, but people want to do only what they want. they want to know they picked out an outfit the baby is wearing. Im guilty of it myself.however, im not sure if as many people go out getting gifts on the second child- unfair i know- but alot of times i just see it as the first for people that arent as close to the baby.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

maybe you could try to return some things if you could figure out where they were purchased. Sometimes you don't really NEED the receipt. {shrug}

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

I barely received any gifts with number 2 so maybe you won't get a lot either.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

I don't think people give as much with #2 so I wouldn't stress it too much.

I had a feeling we were going to get overwhelmed with stuff for DS (which we did) so I wrote on our registry that we preferred to get giftcards. We did get a lot of them, which was helpful with formula and odds and ends in the beginning.

I would definitely donate though. Or bring to a consignment shop. I don't know where you live, but I was in Kids Stuff for Less in Lindenhurst last week and they take a lot of things.

I also don't work primarily with kids as a social worker, but on occasion I come across a family who does not have a pot to piss in that would really be grateful for these items.

I also have heard of a lot of local churches who will take the items off your hands.

Re: Moms of two - how can i give a gentle suggestion

I don't think you can really tell people not to give you clothing. If you don't like something I would donate it to charity, ebay them, or ceck if your local hospital would want some of the blankets. As for it being your second, I don't think you will get as much as you did with the first. I am due in 2.5 weeks and and we have only received clothing. I am really appreciative of getting anything, b/c frankly I am not expecting it.