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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
If something bad happens (or something that makes me mad) I tend to focus on it a lot and complain. I don't want to be the office curmudgeon and have everyone think I do nothing but complain so I end up saving some of it for DH. Of course I don't want to always complain to him bc then he'll get tired of hearing it. FYI - it's not a daily occurrence, but I do find that a lot of people get on my nerves. :)
I know I should keep a lot of stuff to myself (if you can't say anything nice.... ), but then I don't know how to process the annoyances, anger, exasperations without letting it fly at home. Another FYI, I'm not someone that yells or fights at home. When I get annoyed or angry, I tend to bottle it up silently and stew - so it's not like I have a temper issue and need therapy. I'm just talking about every day occurances (stupid coworkers, people cutting me off in traffic, etc) - most people seem to let that stuff roll off their backs, but for some reason I hold onto it and then I'm in a crappy mood.
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Posted 3/8/16 7:14 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Can you keep a daily journal? Maybe writing out your emotions will help.
Just getting it out somehow usually helps me.
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| Posted 3/8/16 7:23 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7984 total posts
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SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
therapy might help as well as what MsSissy said
edited to add: there is a reason why you are feeling so annoyed or angry. if you were to think about each situation, what about hits a nerve and who, what or when does it remind you of.
Message edited 3/8/2016 7:55:43 PM.
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| Posted 3/8/16 7:39 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
I usually get bent out of shape when it's people that do things I wouldn't do - being mean, being selfish (at least selfish so it affects other people negatively), people being rude, etc. I guess I have a hard time understanding why people behave so disrespectivly toward others.
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| Posted 3/8/16 8:11 PM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
By holding on to things like people's attitudes, rudeness, general asshole-ish behavior and bring so affected by it that it'll ruin your mood so much, you are giving those jerks control in how you feel. And they don't even know it!
I find that focusing on myself, my circle of family and friends and being grateful for the things I have make it a lot easier to let stupid behavior roll off my back.
Like for example - I was exiting the subway turnstile and some woman was trying to come through...she totally just brushed past me even though I was approaching it at the same time...no 'excuse me', no 'sorry', nothing. Instead of getting heated over it, I just shrugged and told myself "whatever, you're meeting up with a friend right now for fun, who knows if she's rushing off to an emergency or is just a d1ckhead in general" and went on with my night.
You can't give control of your mood to people like that - it can add up to a lot of time wasted on getting wound up over what really is a blip on the timeline of your life. 
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| Posted 3/8/16 9:00 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Yeah, I usually think that about strangers (people that drive like aholes and almost run me off the road - makes me wonder if there's a higher number of people having heart attacks on LI based on the number of angry drivers I see on the roads), but it's definitely harder for me to let go when it's someone I see all the time. A current example: there are 4 people in my group at work. In August we moved out of our suite and into a row of offices on a hallway. 3 of us were in a line and the supervisor was across the hall. Someone in another group (only has 2 people) decided he wanted to be where we are and kicked me and another in my group around the corner. So now, the 4 of us are split up and I'm right next to an outside door (and froze my arse off every time the door opened). There was no real reason for him to move out of his location.
I finally got over being angry and last week I found out that he's leaving the company and he's know about it for a while (going to work at a family business). So he basically disrupted 2 of us, separating us from the group, for no real reason.
And of course I have to see him every day so it really just brings up the seething feelings when I see him. I'm nice to him bc *I'm* not a jerk, but it's petty and I know others would be past it by now.
Message edited 3/8/2016 9:25:38 PM.
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| Posted 3/8/16 9:14 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7984 total posts
Name:
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SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
yes, but how did you getting kicked out make you feel, aside from angry. Did it make you feel unappreciated, like you were not as important ?
if you can pin point the true feeling it brings up, it will be easier to let it go
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| Posted 3/8/16 9:22 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by hmm
yes, but how did you getting kicked out make you feel, aside from angry. Did it make you feel unappreciated, like you were not as important ?
if you can pin point the true feeling it brings up, it will be easier to let it go
Yes, that's true. I felt like his preference was more important than mine since there was no logical reason for him wanting to be there except he was closer to his friend. It's a rather clique-y place and I'm definitely older than those in my group by 15 years, so I suppose that's why I felt that way.
I'm thinking the journal might be something to try. Maybe writing it down will allow me to move past things.
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| Posted 3/8/16 9:28 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7984 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by Funkybutt
Posted by hmm
yes, but how did you getting kicked out make you feel, aside from angry. Did it make you feel unappreciated, like you were not as important ?
if you can pin point the true feeling it brings up, it will be easier to let it go
Yes, that's true. I felt like his preference was more important than mine since there was no logical reason for him wanting to be there except he was closer to his friend. It's a rather clique-y place and I'm definitely older than those in my group by 15 years, so I suppose that's why I felt that way.
I'm thinking the journal might be something to try. Maybe writing it down will allow me to move past things.
and all your feelings are valid ones. keeping a journal is a great idea. You can also write a letter to all those that upset you, stating how you feel, then throw the letter away...
I hope tomorrow is a brighter day :)
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| Posted 3/8/16 9:37 PM |
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Mom0710
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/14 682 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
I get angry a lot. Like a lot... I don't know why but I know that I do. I try to dial it back at work so I don't look like a crazy person I get annoyed when people cut me off on the road, but people these days are crazy and I have my kids with me a lot so I don't engage with anyone over some dumb driving thing. I agree with talking to someone or writing things down
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| Posted 3/9/16 7:32 AM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
I've learned to let a lot of stuff go. It's just not worth the stewing over negativity.
DH had a heart attack two years ago. The cardiologist told him that he was lucky to be alive. The heart attack was caused by smoking and the stress of his job as a bus operator and union rep. DH cared about his guys, even if they were major assholes and let a lot of stuff get to him.
Almost losing DH and myself being diagnosed with extremely high blood pressure made me realize that life is just not worth some of the stupid $hit we get so worked up over.
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| Posted 3/9/16 9:54 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by Funkybutt
Posted by hmm
yes, but how did you getting kicked out make you feel, aside from angry. Did it make you feel unappreciated, like you were not as important ?
if you can pin point the true feeling it brings up, it will be easier to let it go
Yes, that's true. I felt like his preference was more important than mine since there was no logical reason for him wanting to be there except he was closer to his friend. It's a rather clique-y place and I'm definitely older than those in my group by 15 years, so I suppose that's why I felt that way.
I'm thinking the journal might be something to try. Maybe writing it down will allow me to move past things.
I think the right therapist can help you too. I'm not a big therapy person but I started goign when DH and I separated. I loved every minute of it. It just got me to look at things more short term and only focus on things that are in my control and to let go of those that I have zero control over.
I live my life more of a a one day at a time now. That's not to say I don't think about things int he future and past but definitely have a better outlook now that I let things go. I also learned that feelings are yours. Feelings aren't right or wrong but how you process them can change.
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| Posted 3/9/16 11:21 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by PearlJamChick
By holding on to things like people's attitudes, rudeness, general asshole-ish behavior and bring so affected by it that it'll ruin your mood so much, you are giving those jerks control in how you feel. And they don't even know it!
I find that focusing on myself, my circle of family and friends and being grateful for the things I have make it a lot easier to let stupid behavior roll off my back.
Like for example - I was exiting the subway turnstile and some woman was trying to come through...she totally just brushed past me even though I was approaching it at the same time...no 'excuse me', no 'sorry', nothing. Instead of getting heated over it, I just shrugged and told myself "whatever, you're meeting up with a friend right now for fun, who knows if she's rushing off to an emergency or is just a d1ckhead in general" and went on with my night.
You can't give control of your mood to people like that - it can add up to a lot of time wasted on getting wound up over what really is a blip on the timeline of your life.
I totally agree. Start a gratitude journal. Write in it every day. You will stop being so annoyed at inconsequential things
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| Posted 3/9/16 4:48 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7984 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by alli3131
Posted by Funkybutt
Posted by hmm
yes, but how did you getting kicked out make you feel, aside from angry. Did it make you feel unappreciated, like you were not as important ?
if you can pin point the true feeling it brings up, it will be easier to let it go
Yes, that's true. I felt like his preference was more important than mine since there was no logical reason for him wanting to be there except he was closer to his friend. It's a rather clique-y place and I'm definitely older than those in my group by 15 years, so I suppose that's why I felt that way.
I'm thinking the journal might be something to try. Maybe writing it down will allow me to move past things.
I think the right therapist can help you too. I'm not a big therapy person but I started goign when DH and I separated. I loved every minute of it. It just got me to look at things more short term and only focus on things that are in my control and to let go of those that I have zero control over.
I live my life more of a a one day at a time now. That's not to say I don't think about things int he future and past but definitely have a better outlook now that I let things go. I also learned that feelings are yours. Feelings aren't right or wrong but how you process them can change.
I agree with therapy, that's why I suggested it first, but I dont get the sense this poster is open to it a this time.
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| Posted 3/9/16 7:05 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by hmm
I agree with therapy, that's why I suggested it first, but I dont get the sense this poster is open to it a this time.
I'm not in a place right now for therapy b/c I'm in therapy to get over the fear of flying (haven't flown in over 8 years). Gotta tackle one problem at a time. :)
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| Posted 3/10/16 9:44 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Going back and reading your example, I think your problem is powerlessness. Who is this guy to disrupt your office space? Was he a supervisor? Perhaps if you had spoken up in the beginning, I'm sorry, I can't sit in this area. I am extremely cold and uncomfortable and it makes it hard to concentrate.
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| Posted 3/10/16 9:52 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by DRMom
Going back and reading your example, I think your problem is powerlessness. Who is this guy to disrupt your office space? Was he a supervisor? Perhaps if you had spoken up in the beginning, I'm sorry, I can't sit in this area. I am extremely cold and uncomfortable and it makes it hard to concentrate.
Possible powerlessness. He's a supervisor, but of a different group. I was very vocal from the beginning about how I didn't want to move b/c it broke up our team for no good reason. I even asked why the other group couldn't move around the corner (only moving 2 people instead of moving 4) and he didn't like the space so I got over-ruled. I found it odd that the company would agree to the expense of moving so many people, but apparently they really like the guy so they agreed to what he wanted. Well, now he's leaving - so they won't have their go-to guy anymore!
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| Posted 3/10/16 10:42 AM |
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silverlining
LIF Infant
Member since 9/15 49 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Have you ever considered the possibility of being a 'highly sensitive person'? I would take the quiz by Elaine Aron. Learning that I'm an HSP (25% of the people are and they process things differently), and knowing what triggers me and how to deal with it, has been life changing.
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| Posted 3/12/16 2:42 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7984 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by Funkybutt
Posted by hmm
I agree with therapy, that's why I suggested it first, but I dont get the sense this poster is open to it a this time.
I'm not in a place right now for therapy b/c I'm in therapy to get over the fear of flying (haven't flown in over 8 years). Gotta tackle one problem at a time. :)
I figured you were not ready, I agree one issue at a time. I'll be looking for the post from you that reads "I am flying to....." :)
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| Posted 3/13/16 5:16 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by hmm
I figured you were not ready, I agree one issue at a time. I'll be looking for the post from you that reads "I am flying to....." :)
I actually booked the ticket for the end of April. I wanted to find the shortest flight out of Islip so it looks like I'll be headed to Baltimore for a night (as long as I can bring myself to get on the plane). 
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| Posted 3/14/16 10:25 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: SO - how to not sound so angry all the time
Posted by Funkybutt
Posted by DRMom
Going back and reading your example, I think your problem is powerlessness. Who is this guy to disrupt your office space? Was he a supervisor? Perhaps if you had spoken up in the beginning, I'm sorry, I can't sit in this area. I am extremely cold and uncomfortable and it makes it hard to concentrate.
Possible powerlessness. He's a supervisor, but of a different group. I was very vocal from the beginning about how I didn't want to move b/c it broke up our team for no good reason. I even asked why the other group couldn't move around the corner (only moving 2 people instead of moving 4) and he didn't like the space so I got over-ruled. I found it odd that the company would agree to the expense of moving so many people, but apparently they really like the guy so they agreed to what he wanted. Well, now he's leaving - so they won't have their go-to guy anymore!
That would have driven me crazy, too. And I w don't think I could let it go--especially, b/c he will be gone & you are still stuck in the cold office. I would also be annoyed that my supervisor didn't stick up for our group. I think sometimes it is lack of validation. When someone says, yes, that was a crappy, you are right to be annoyed, it helps me get over it a little.
I don't think this is as petty of a thing as say, someone cutting you off, but when you are not validate for the bigger things, then yes, every little thing will piss you off.
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| Posted 3/14/16 11:10 AM |
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