Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I am hoping to hear some feedback from mothers or fathers about this one. I'm 33 while DH is 36 and everyone around me is having children - many are already on their 2nd or 3rd - but I still can't decide if I want children or not.

The only reason I can think of for wanting children is because I'm curious as to what kind of parent I will be. And everyone in our family is egging us on to having children because they are very curious to see what DH and my child will look like - we are a very striking mixed pair.

That's not at all good reasons to have children though.

Would love to hear feedback on why you have children aside from the biological urge to do so.

Thanks.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I just always knew I wanted children.
Never really thought about it though

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I could never imagine that I wouldn't have children.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I used to say in my 20's that I wanted children. Then in my early 30's I wasnt so sure....maybe I was getting selfish in my "old Age'...but I guess deep down I always knew I would have kids.
1) Because I actually like kids and it would be nice to have one of my own
2) I think of all the people I know who dont have kids and their lives seem unfulfilled in some ways - but that could be just my take on their lives...they could be very happy.
3) I think when you get older its nice to have kids and then grandkids as it makes life more exciting and something to look forward to - I know my parents are besotted with my child and I couldnt imagine them not being grandparents
4) My Dh Absolutely wanted kids - no hesitation on his part

having said all that now that I have a child I am kind of sorry I didnt have her earlier as I LOVE being a mom so much I could easily imagine having 4/5 of them ..but I will be 36 this year so unless I pump them out really quick its probably not going to happen! Now I feel like I want to shout from the roof tops to all my friends how have decided not to have kids...Go and have a kid it will change your life, open your heart and make your whole life 100% better.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I think the part that's most scary about having kids is the 'no return policy' :D

Once you have them, they're yours for life!

I hear what you guys are saying about the sense of fulfillment and the unconditional love you get from a child who's part of you.

I guess I have so many nieces and nephews - 11 and counting - that when I want unconditional love I just go visit them. :D

But do you ever worry sometimes that the child will turn into an ungrateful brat who taxes your patience, money and time?

I think that's the biggest worry parents have, raising children who won't reciprocate in loving you unconditionally but hates you for bringing him into this world.

Perhaps it's just the rare child who turn into a little Dennis the Menace or evil Damian.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

My husband's cousin had a baby, we went to visit her in the hospital and we looked at eachother and said "it's time!!!", we got pregnant the next day!!! We both knew we wanted lots of kids.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I am 35 and have a 9 month old daughter. I didn't want to have children until I met my current husband. I was married before for 8 years and neither my ex or I wanted to have children. I worked with women and children and felt it was too much for me and had little interest. I prefered to leave the children when I left work in the evening. After I divorced and met my current husband, my feelings changed. I'm not sure why. Maybe because he wanted children and we were in a position that I knew I would be able to be a stay-at-home-mom. So, we have one and it is very hard work. Still not sure if I want to do it again, but now I feel like I owe it to her to give her a sibling. I don't want her to be alone. I love my daughter, but have found the transition to motherhood somewhat difficult. Maybe because I didn't think I would ever be one and had come to enjoy my independence. It's not all about me anymore. I don't think the decision to have children is something to take lightly. It's a big step. You still have plenty of time to start a family.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I always knew I wanted kids, at 36, I am a newlywed and now a brand new mommy.
I have wanted a child for awhile, but made sure to wait until I was with the one I loved and we wound up getting preggo 4 month before our wedding!

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

i always wanted children. I couldn't wait to be a mom. And when they were born, I was holding both of them, and my dh said to me "you have been waiting 29 years for them." It was sweet. I was the first of my friends to have kids, and he was the last of his friends to have a first (well and second). You will know. Don't listen to others, you need to do what is best of you both.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

Posted by emilain

My husband's cousin had a baby, we went to visit her in the hospital and we looked at eachother and said "it's time!!!", we got pregnant the next day!!! We both knew we wanted lots of kids.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I grew up in a large family and I guess from that I always wanted the same. I would have liked a small army , DH was/is set on the 2 we have... I am undecided about more, but the love I had for my child was multiplied even more when I had my second.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I just always knew I wanted kids. So did DH. If you are unsure, definitely wait!

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

My DH and I were both unsure if we wanted children when we first met. We both loved our independence and were very happy with our lives as they were. We both knew having a baby would totally change our lives and we weren't ready to make the necessary sacrafices.

About three years later I just started feeling like something was missing in my life. I was happily married, had a good job, a house, etc but I still craved something. I know this sounds silly but I went out and adopted a kitten since I still wasn't sure I wanted a baby. My DH, my kitty and I were very happy for a year, then the feelings came back.

When I finally brought it up to DH that I wanted a baby I was surprised he was feeling the same way...and we started trying that night

I don't regret waiting until we were emotionally ready (I'm in my mid 30's). We did what we wanted to do for ourselves first and now we can't imagine our lives without her and hope to be blessed with another one day.

Good luck with your decision!

Message edited 3/17/2007 11:20:02 PM.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

All my life, all ever wanted to be was a Mom!

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I always knew I wanted a child (or children...who knows) but I knew that I wanted to be married for a bit before we started.

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

Honestly, I was never a person who had a lifelong desire to be a mom and *really* honestly, I don't even like little kids

I knew that I always wanted a family though, if that makes any sense. My family is very close and just couldn't wait to have that sort of relationship with my own children.

Oh, and I do love little kids now--well, one of them anyway

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

I have always wanted children

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?

For me, it was never an option to NOT have children. We just always wanted them. So, I guess I can't really give a better answer that that.

However, I give you a lot of credit for putting so much thought into it. Having children is not for everyone, and make sure your decision is based on what you feel in your heart and your gut and not based on what other people expect from you

Re: Why Did You Decide To Have A Child (Children)?