What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

So we are due with #2 in a couple months....DH would love 3, I am on the fence.
For example, today out shopping we were waiting on line behind a mom and her 3 DC---they were a bit wild, hitting each other, running all over, rolling on the floor etc. Now I am not judging at all, so please, don't take any offense, I know kids can be crazy sometimes. My fear is that the more kids you have, the more likely these situations will present themselves and will I be able to handle them.
My DH feels some people just have out of control kids and it has to do with their parenting style, I am more afraid this is just how it gets when you are more outnumbered. Again, I am not trying to offend anyone, I know many kids who are from 3+ kids families who behave. What do you think?

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

I hope this doesn't come across wrong, but I think you should have #2 first before you think about #3. You don't know what could happen physically, you don't know what kind of baby #2 will be, etc...

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

I can definitely see the fear of being outnumber and i know this sounds cliche, but i really do think it comes down to the kids themselves and the parenting.

My SIL/BIL had 4 kids in 3 years (they had a 3 y/o and 2 y/o when they found out they were PG w/ twins). They are the BEST kids. So well behaved. Sure, they have their moments, but overall they just make it look easy. Theyre also strict and the kids know not to cross them! Then i have others that there are 3 of them and they were monsters when they were little! So i wouldnt necessarily go just by the #.

DH and I have never really said an exact number that we want. We just figure we'll see how it goes with 1. If she's not a complete monster, we'll work on #2, and so on.

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

Posted by 1stimemom

I hope this doesn't come across wrong, but I think you should have #2 first before you think about #3. You don't know what could happen physically, you don't know what kind of baby #2 will be, etc...

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

Posted by chelle

Posted by 1stimemom

I hope this doesn't come across wrong, but I think you should have #2 first before you think about #3. You don't know what could happen physically, you don't know what kind of baby #2 will be, etc...

I have to agree. I'm due with #2 in 3 days and I am in NO way even remotely thinking about a #3 right now.

I need to be sure I can handle 2!!

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

DH always says...

1 child = 2 on 1
2 children = man on man
3 children = zone

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

I think about that too. It's nice now. I get one kid, my dh gets the other. If we threw another one in the mix, then what?

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

I don't really think it is the number of kids you have, but how you discipline them that make all the difference. I know some people that have only one child and plan to have just one and that kid is a nightmare...so badly behaved. And I have friends that have 3 and they are great kids, behave in stores, etc.

Sure, you are outnumbered when you throw a third in the mix, but if you discipline correctly and effectively, it makes all the difference. But even the most well behaved kids have their demon moments, so you never can really be ready!

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

Well, I can give somewhat of a perspective... DH has 3 kids from a prior marriage, 2 boys (7 and almost 9) and 1 girl, 5 years old. We have a DD, 1 year old and another DD on the way, due in Dec. We have all the kids with us every Tues and Thurs from 3pm-7pm and every other Fri thru Sun.

I will say, that it is pretty hectic in our house. But, I will also say, that we run a very tight ship. The kids have bedtimes, rules to follow and are not allowed to do whatever they want. Their BM and her live in boyfriend, apparently have less control over them, since we are always hearing snippets of how they won't listen, won't go to bed sometimes, won't drink milk at dinner... blah, blah, blah.

So, in my experience as a step mom and mother of almost 5 children, it has a lot to do with how you run your household. We love to have fun with the kids and allow them to be kids, but when it is time to behave and not run around like savages, there is no negotiation. And I will add, that even when I am out with all of the kids and DH is elsewhere, they all listen to me as if their father were present. Actually, they tell their dad that "Gabi's the boss!" In my opinion, consistency, firmness and control, play a big part in how children are handled, especially in larger families. I hope that our firm but loving foundation help all of our kids to become great humans! Just my two cents.

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

As a mother of 4, soon to be 5, I would definitely say it depends on how you raise your kids. I've been parents of only two who have kids that make me go

Not to toot my own horn, but my kids are pretty well behaved. Sure they have their moments, but for the most part they listen, are respectful, and behave well with each other. That is not to say they don't have fights etc. with each other, but you'd never find my kid jumping in the booth to a restaurant, or running around the supermarket.

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

Posted by twinkletoes807

Well, I can give somewhat of a perspective... DH has 3 kids from a prior marriage, 2 boys (7 and almost 9) and 1 girl, 5 years old. We have a DD, 1 year old and another DD on the way, due in Dec. We have all the kids with us every Tues and Thurs from 3pm-7pm and every other Fri thru Sun.

I will say, that it is pretty hectic in our house. But, I will also say, that we run a very tight ship. The kids have bedtimes, rules to follow and are not allowed to do whatever they want. Their BM and her live in boyfriend, apparently have less control over them, since we are always hearing snippets of how they won't listen, won't go to bed sometimes, won't drink milk at dinner... blah, blah, blah.

So, in my experience as a step mom and mother of almost 5 children, it has a lot to do with how you run your household. We love to have fun with the kids and allow them to be kids, but when it is time to behave and not run around like savages, there is no negotiation. And I will add, that even when I am out with all of the kids and DH is elsewhere, they all listen to me as if their father were present. Actually, they tell their dad that "Gabi's the boss!" In my opinion, consistency, firmness and control, play a big part in how children are handled, especially in larger families. I hope that our firm but loving foundation help all of our kids to become great humans! Just my two cents.

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

I think that kids have off days.

I think that some parents don't "Parent" their children.

I think that being outnumbered could be really hard.

It all depends on you and your DH.

When asked if I am going to have a third my reply is always "Let me see how I handle two first"

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

My DH was one of three kids and I was one of two. I do not see where there were major behavioral differences in our families and I do not think that any diffrerences were related to family size. If anything, I think that he and his siblings were probably better behaved in most situations but my parents were stricter when it came to our grades in school. My parents tolerated some acting out in other ways but our schoolwork had to be just right. There is so much at play when it comes to behavior. There is also the debate over whether any traits are really nature or nurture.

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

I have 2 and they are really great children. They behave much better in public than they do at home and I am happy to say, I can take them almost anywhere without being embarrassed. They are 2 and 4. I am 8 months pg with #3, and even though they turned out great, it depends on the child just as much as the parenting skills. I think they are great just kids more than me being a great parent...

Re: What do you think about this....dealing with having more kids

I agree with the other posters. It's about how well you handle the number you have.

I have a friend with 4 kids. If anything it's made her even more organized, more strict otherwise there is chaos. Her days are spent running around car pooling to activities, homework, etc.

I'd wait until your kids are a little older. We have 2 now & splitting activities on the weekends means one of us is missing the other's game, etc. Weekdays are spent arranging car pickups to dance, soccer, homework, religion class, etc.

We've always wanted 3 but a third would change our family & I like what I have now.