Vent about B-day party. UPDATE

So my mom is really a very wonderful mom and grandmother. I usually don't have many complaints. When she is in NY, if I need her for anything, she is here. She takes Jordana for the night here and there. When I went back to work, daycare didn't start for 2 weeks so she came to the city every day for 2 weeks and watched J years ago. Iordana.

BUT she is giving me a hard time about DD's 2nd birthday.

Here is some background: My mom is a widow. My dad passed away 11t was sudden and devestated my mother.

She is now in relationship with a man who was a childhood friend of my dad's. They have been together 8 years. He really isn't involved in our lives, and certainly not our childrens' lives. If she is babysitting, he will do his own thing rather than babysit with her. He even missed his own kids' birthday parties if they are over the winter when he is in Florida.

They stay in Florida during the winter. Its amazing, because her boyfriend really comes alive in Florida. In NY he doesn't do anything but go out for dinner at one of the 3 places across the street from his house. In Florida, they take salsa lessons, go to movies, socialize.

They were planning on coming up in mid April. DD's b-day is April 14. I can't have her birthday later than that, because the following 2 weekends are Passover.

SO, my friend's DS is a month younger that Jordana. We decided it would be good idea to have the kid's birthday parties together. It would save on $ and makes sense since we have some overlapping people.

So i call my mom to see what dates work for her. First she goes on about how Jordana is 2 and doesn't need to have a party. We have some $ issues so she asks why we are spending $ on a party. Now, I am very open with my mom about finances. Its totally OK for her to say something like that to me, once. But she keeps on harping on it.

Then she says the dates I suggested don't really work for her. She would have to come up from Florida a week or two earlier than they planned- which appearntly is a big deal to her boyfriend. In fact, he won't come up before DD's birthday. The other alternative is to come up for a week in March. She is coming up for my sister's b-day and her b-day, but was only going to come up for the weekend. If she would stay for DD's birthday party, she would need to stay an extra week.

Its times like this where I really miss my dad. If her were alive, this wouldn't be an issue. My dad would be all over his grandkids. Mom's bf isn't all over his own grandkids, let alone our children. It just makes me so sad.

ETA: She said that no matter what, she will be at DD's birthday party. It just makes me sad that I even have to deal with this.

UPDATE: Well life has a way of working out. Turns out the place is only available on teh 13 (which is the day before DD's real birthday), so that's when we are doing. My mom had even said this would be the ideal date for her.

Message edited 2/12/2008 1:20:21 PM.

Re: Vent about B-day party.

That's just not right. Can you say anything to her? That sounds totally like her generation. It drives me nuts when the woman revolves her life around what the man in the relationship wants. And she needs to be quiet about the money thing. Would she be mad if you have the party without her?

Re: Vent about B-day party.

Re: Vent about B-day party.

i'm sorry

Re: Vent about B-day party.

Re: Vent about B-day party.

I'm sorry It really stinks


Would it be an option if you had the b day planned with your friend the month before Jordana's birthday then have a small party with just your immediate family, like just cake and coffee when your mom comes up around passover?

That way Jordana can have a party and also celebrate her birthday with her grandmother. Every kid deserves a party whether they are 2 or 30

It's awful but i've learned by my own stuff with my mom, i can't arrange things specifically for her convenience, i have to do what's best for me and my family and hopefullyl she'll fit into that. I'm so sorry

Message edited 2/12/2008 1:01:24 PM.

Re: Vent about B-day party. UPDATE

Sorry you have to go through this I also do whats best for me and my family and if grandparents will come they will arrange it into there schedules. You cant make everyone happy