Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

I went to lunch with some co-workers, who are also all attorneys. One of them, who recently had baby #2, just applied for part-time status at our office. The other who is pregnant with #2 piped in and said her application is next. Then they both looked at me and said they couldn't understand how I manage to work-full time, as a supervisor no less, with two kids.

The general consensus in our office is usually that we have it so luck as attorneys; no billable hours, 8 hour days, work from home 2 days a week, time off for parent-teacher conferences, school trips, preventive medical appointments, etc. But now it seems that even with that, a few of our attorneys feel as if they can't manage with more than one child.

I understand that, I do, and I replied that the reason why I can do it is because I have DH; he takes them to school, he's home by 5pm, cooks dinner while we play, cleans, does the grocery shopping, etc. I admitted there's no way I could ever do it without him.

But it did make me feel awful, just awful. I know they didn't intend it that way - I love these girls. But it made me feel like I'm inadequate in some way for even having the desire to keep working, and to take promotions. I feel like deep down inside I'm not an equal mother because I don't have that innate desire to stay home with my children, and because I don't feel like it's too much for me to work full-time with young children at home.

I know it's all my own projections and insecurities at play here, all of which haven't reared their ugly little heads for years now. But, all the same... I feel bad.

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

Beth I think I remember that you came from a different work environment and this job is so much better for you with set hours etc. I think it sounds like your schedule is so reasonable and it seems that you love your job and are great at it (recent promotion) I wouldn't let other peoples comments upset you. You are raising two beautiful girls who will be comfortable working one day if thats what they want!

How are things with your DH? Based on your post seems you really appreciate him, hope things are good with you two!

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

You know what...you've got a system that works great for you and your family. You don't really have to feel guilty about it at all. Your girls are happy and loved and you're content with your life as well. Happy mom, happy kids. That's the bottom line.

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

everyone has a different home life.

everyone has different help.

you KNOW that.

there could be a million reasons as to why these women feel the need to go part time. all you need to remember are the reasons you LOVE your work and you have a great BALANCE at home.

you do. midlife crisis issues aside, you have a GREAT BALANCE. you have no need to work less b/c things simply get done.

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

My colleagues make me feel awful for wanting to be a SAHM. They say my education and career are a waste.

It's hard being a mom. You are always going to feel torn. It sounds like you have an amazing balance. You should be proud!

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

Beth do not feel bad - working is good for you too - it is not for everyone but your daughter's will see a strong role model who manages both


i know i am a better mom when i am working - i am attorney too - i could not see not working.

if you get a free moment read "just let me lie down" it is a good laugh from a working mom perpestive

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

Beth, as someone who is a FT working-mom attorney at a law firm with a 2000 billable hour requirement and no flex-time, your job would be a PT job to me

I kid, I kid But what I am trying to say is that your schedule is a DREAM to me and in mind, would be completely "do-able" with children. I honestly do not think I would be considering PT in your position.

That being said, every one is different and what works for one doesn't work for another. Some people can't handle working FT and other do not want to work FT.

But don't feel bad for one minute for working FT!

You are making the choices that are best for your family just as they are making the choices that they believe are best for their's

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

Let's face it! Women who have "higher" position cannot be home and at work at the same time. The hours, the commitment, the responsibility. Or just the desire!

I feel women "have to" sacrifice their career to be with their children. And if they want a career they have to have someone else taking care of the kids.

It is a reality for women! That most men are never faced with.

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

everyone is different! don't feel bad about it, this is what you want to do. you have a good schedule and like your job.

when I was working I always felt guilty, so I'm home now. like I said you have to do what's right for you. If they want to work PT good for them!

my SIL has NO kids (is never having any either) and only works 2 days a week. that's what she chooses to do. others criticize her, but if she is happy so what?

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

Posted by KrisT

Beth, as someone who is a FT working-mom attorney at a law firm with a 2000 billable hour requirement and no flex-time, your job would be a PT job to me

I kid, I kid But what I am trying to say is that your schedule is a DREAM to me and in mind, would be completely "do-able" with children. I honestly do not think I would be considering PT in your position.

That being said, every one is different and what works for one doesn't work for another. Some people can't handle working FT and other do not want to work FT.

But don't feel bad for one minute for working FT!

You are making the choices that are best for your family just as they are making the choices that they believe are best for their's

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

Message edited 8/5/2010 7:11:13 PM.

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working

What is it that you feel guilty about? It seems like from your post that you are saying these women stayed home b/c they thought it would be too much for them to keep working as mothers of two. But, you say for you, you are managing just fine - so I'm not sure where the guilt is there? If that is what it comes down to and it works for you I think you should be proud and happy!

For me (and I am an attorney as well) - it doesn't come down to managing while working - I'm sure if I had a nanny or daycare I'd manage just fine. I just don't want to a) miss out on time with my kids or b) leave them with strangers. So if that is what you are feeling guilty about - that is different - and, maybe then you should consider working part time

Re: Ugh. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty for working