Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

My mom sent this to me and I thought it was really funny, and boy, could I relate!!

* Isn't it redundant to put a yarmulke on a toupee?

* Yiddish word for today: POLKES (POHL-kess) THIGHS [note: this word has been traced back to the language of one of the original Tribes of Israel, the Cellulites.

* When you say some English words with a Yiddish accent, they take on a whole new meaning. For example, if you would have asked my dad what the word wrench meant, he would have said something like: "A wrench is where cowboys keep their horses".

* The best advice your Jewish mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

* You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout, "Are you okay?” through the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes.

* Your family dog responded to commands in Yiddish.

* Every Sunday afternoon was spent visiting your grandparents and/or other relatives.

* You may have experienced the phenomenon of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to a deli tray.

* You spent your entire childhood thinking everyone called pot roast "brisket."

* You had at least one female relative who penciled on eyebrows which were always asymmetrical.

* You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.

* You were as tall as your grandfather by age seven and a half.

* You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 5 standard suffixes: (-berg, -baum, -man, -stein and -witz.)

* You were surprised to discover that wine doesn't always taste like grape juice.

* You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.

* When your mother smacked you, she continued to make you feel bad for hurting her hand.

* You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.

* You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't know exactly what they mean. Kinaynahora.

* You thought speaking loud was normal.

* You considered your Bar or Bat Mitzvah a "Get Out of Hebrew School Free" card.

* You're compelled to mention your grandmother's "clunkers" or "cannonballs" upon seeing light, fluffy matzo balls served at restaurants.

* Your mother or grandmother took personal pride when a Jew was noted for some accomplishment (showbiz, medicine, politics, etc.) and was ashamed and embarrassed when a Jew was accused of a crime as if they were relatives.


For the non-observant:
* Every Saturday morning your father went to the neighborhood deli (called an appetizing store) for whitefish salad, whitefish ("chubs"), lox (nova if you were rich!), herring, corned beef, roast beef, cole slaw, potato salad, a 1/2-dozen huge barrel pickles for which you reached into the brine, a dozen assorted bagels, cream cheese and rye bread (sliced while he waited)... all of which would be strictly off-limits until Sunday morning.

* And finally, you knew that Sunday night and the night after any Jewish holiday was designated for Chinese food.

Zeit gezunt.

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

* The best advice your Jewish mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

* You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout, "Are you okay?” through the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes.

These 2 had me LMAO! LOL
very funny

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

I just forwarded it to my MIL.

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

Posted by muchinluvmichi


* The best advice your Jewish mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

* You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout, "Are you okay?” through the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes.

These 2 had me LMAO! LOL
very funny

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

omg!! that was my childhood in a nutshell!!!!!!! my dog only knew yiddish and the part about lox, corned beef and bagels....oy. *sigh* good ol' cleveland.

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

Message edited 8/6/2006 8:53:54 PM.

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

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Message edited 11/5/2006 10:38:52 AM.

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

This is cute... I am catholic, but work in a Hassidic office... I cam relate to some of these though!

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

* The best advice your Jewish mother gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

- I hear my grandmother's voice clear as day!

* You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout, "Are you okay?” through the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes.

- You mean it's not normal???!


* You may have experienced the phenomenon of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to a deli tray.

- Many, many times!!


* You were surprised to discover that wine doesn't always taste like grape juice.

- Mmmmm...Manishevitz!

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

Doug does that "Are you okay? thing all the time and it drives me NUTS!

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home

That's great! We saw jewtopia a while back and dh likes to continue to quote from it that he married a jewish woman so he would not have to make decisions

Re: Thoughts On Growing Up In A Jewish Home