"They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

A very close friend of mine made this statement about a relative of hers. We got into a very lively discussion about it My feeling is, you could have kids who want nothing to do with you or better yet you don't want their input. Having kids doesn't mean you will have someone to care for you in your old age and besides, I hope I never need anyone to care for me!

Discuss

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

All the money I would have spent on my kids will pay for my nursing home. I know money will take care of me. Kids, it's not a definite.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

I've heard this before...friends ask..."who will take care of you when you are old??"...i said...well my niece & nephews will hopefully grow up & be like my parents who cared for their relatives whose own kids hardly cared for them...i always joke that if they want to be in the will they will come visit & help me when i am old

I would never have kids just for this reason...it's idiotic to me.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

I don't think it's a reason to have kids but I would be lying if I said I don't wonder about what will happen when I am old. I see my friends taking care of their older parents and what they need to manage - I am taking notes so I will do my best to have things in order while I am able to do so.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

Absolutely, having children is no guarantee they will take care of you.

My grandmother broke her hip and spent 7 years in a nursing home, she could not walk and needed to be in there because my mom was not capable of taking care of her.

I know quite a few other people with kids who are in nursing homes. If your kids work and you need 24/7 care how will they do that?

My Inlaws have money, so they just took out an extended care policy, Its Very expensive around 8k a year. And they have to pay premiums until they start using it.
They are around 58-60 now.

They are not counting on My Dh or their daughter to take care of them

The words out of their mouth is They do not want to burden their children

Message edited 6/4/2009 8:39:29 AM.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

My aunt has been alone for as far back as I can remember and now she is about 75 yrs old & needs a lot of help. I'll admit it's made me think "maybe if she had kids" but then I think if I ever have children I wouldn't want to put such a burden on them.

When my mom tries to buy us stuff we don't need I tell her "the best gift you could ever give us is to plan for your future"

I think everyone should plan for their old age if they have children or not. IMO some people with kids assume their children will just take care of them while people w/out children tend to plan better.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

Dh and i do want to have at least one child someday, but DH is a little more on the fence about it than i am. One of his friends always tells him this, too " whos gonna visit you or take care of you when you're old?"
BUT i think whether you have kids or not, you have to plan for your own future to take of yourself- theres no guarantees that your kids will be able to take care of you. and i think a lot of parents don't want to be a burden on their kids either.
haha my dad tells us " if i get that bad, just take me out and shoot me" . his mom was in a nursing home and had a live in aid before she passed away, and he just doesn't want to be in that situation.
DH is an only child, and so his mom says " just put me in a nursing home, i don't want to be a burden to you guys". i'm curious to see what will happen if it ever comes to that because they live 5 hours away from thier only son, and the family they have near them is all older and probably won't be able to care for them either...
so, basically its not a good reason to have a child-- theres no guarantees that they'll be able to take care of you.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

If it ends up that we don't have a baby, I already know that our goddaughter would take care of us, if we needed it. There is no dout in my mind.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

FEAR is not a good enough reason to have kids. If you're going to have kids because you fear no one will be there for you when you are old, then you are not having children for the right reasons.

I HATE when people use this as an argument to have children. Have children because you want to have children, not because you are scared of what may or may not happen 60 years from now.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

That is so silly-that is why there are health care proxies and adult communities and nursing homes! Personally, I don't think that someone should have a child for the sole purpose of becoming their caretaker when they are old! But that is JMO.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

Having worked almost my entire career in nursing homes, i've seen so many families that couldn't take care of their family member (some for legit reasons, others not). Just because you have children doesn't mean they will or can absolutely without any doubt take care of you...and sometimes the more kids you have the worse the fighting when parents get ill, and its a mess.

If a person needs total care, sometimes there's no way you can be at home. If a person is more functional, say only has Alzheimer's and needs only supervision, sometimes they get put into the nursing home because family doesnt have time to supervise, they work, have their own kids etc.

You have to live your life and plan for old age appropriately regardless of your children.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

I was thinking about this recently because DH's grandmother died a few weeks ago at her home. Her husband, daughters, and grandchildren, surrounded her bed as she passed. I was thinking if she never had children, who would be there? A nurse? Her husband only? No one? It just really got me thinking how wonderful it was for her to be surrounded by her kin. Just an observation.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

i find in most instances the families don't want to be bothered with you when your old. You are the inconvenience and a burden to them. On the other hand with my grandparents they pushed us away when they were dying. They didn't want us to see them in that way. So you can say "what ifs" but you really do not know.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

Posted by BunnyWife

Posted by RadioLau

I was thinking about this recently because DH's grandmother died a few weeks ago at her home. Her husband, daughters, and grandchildren, surrounded her bed as she passed. I was thinking if she never had children, who would be there? A nurse? Her husband only? No one? It just really got me thinking how wonderful it was for her to be surrounded by her kin. Just an observation.

That is nice, but is it a reason to have kids?

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

I have an aunt with no kids & if /when she needs me, I would take care of her as I would my own parents.

As for me, I don't know who would be there if I out live my borther & DH, since I have no nieces/nephews, but my cousin is PG, so I will have to spoil her kid & hope he/she remembers me when I'm old!

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

Every time someone says this to me I'm reminded of a sign my mom had on the refrigerator..

"Get revenge, live long enough to be a burden to your children"

Funny thing is, she's 79, extremely independent, and says most of her kids are STILL driving her nuts.

Re: "They never had kids so there is no one make decisions for them now that they're old"

I see all of you guys are mentioning nursing homes, but they are assisted livings where older people who needs assistance with either medications or early alzheimer's could live in.
I have to say that for people without children in the assisted living that it does get sad at times especially during the holidays and when grand children come over for visit.
We also have people with children who never visit, either because they live in a different state or they just don't care.