Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

Anyone have any? It is "easier", for lack of a better word, to be aggressive with your friends when it comes to drinking and driving. But it definitely gets a little "hairy" when family members are involved.

Has anyone ever experienced this? Has anyone ever confronted the person? Does it change a little considering it is a family member and we all know how things get with family - very tense.

I ask b/c there is someone that we know and is a member of the "family" be it by marriage or not and he/she definitely drinks too much and then drives home. And let me tell you what it does to ME - of all people - to not know what to do b/c I feel if I say anything my husband and I will be like banished from the family. So, I guess I'm just looking for insight in how, if at all, I should handle this. Now that everything went down with Kenneth I feel like I can't allow it anymore. FYI: this person does NOT know Kenneth - don't want you to think one of our family members that loves him is drinking and driving w/o a care.

Curious to read what you guys have experienced or have to say...

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

I don't think that i'd be able NOT to say anything. I think when something happens in life that is so life shattering, it will forever change your outlook on lots of different situations. I'm never one to speak my mind..I keep lots of my comments to myself because I don't like confrontation...but if I were you I would definitley say something.

Others may say it's her business and her life, but I still think I would need to say something.

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

We just do an intricate song and dance to avoid XXXX from driving. We will ALL take the train into the city. If it is for the holidays someone will offer a bed for him that night. Or just avoidance. . . he wants us to go to a comedy show with him soon and I refuse to go because I dont want to be put in that situation and we know he wont go alone ( meaning with his wife ) to something like that. His wife also bends over backwards and makes almost every "drinking" holiday like the 4th of July at their house.

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

With family its easier for me, if you are drunk you are staying over if you cant get a ride with someone else. We dont care if the whole damn party ends up staying over. I've waken up to aero beds and bodies all over the floor.

ETA: Sorry I didnt read the whole post

I am sorry that you have to deal with and wanted give you some

Message edited 9/29/2008 3:49:30 PM.

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

I think a lot of it depends on whether the person is an alcoholic. If the person is not an alcoholic, I would definitely say something as there is a greater likelihood of that person internalizing and comprehending his/her behavior. If the person is an alcoholic, it becomes more difficult as there is an underlying problem. In that instance, I think you would need the family onboard in order to have such a conversation because of the gravity and sensitivity of the matter on all sides. Alcoholism is, by its very nature, a selfish disease, one that is often wrought with denial. I am not saying that in this instance you should not attempt it but rather, realize that there are going to be many emotions on all sides and possible futility.

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

you have fm

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

What a difficult situation

DH and I both feel strongly against drinking and driving... and we will leave our car somewhere and take a cab home, and then come back for our car the next morning if need be. It's frustrating because some of our friends (and sometimes DH's brothers) will drive when I personally think they shouldn't. I dont think anyone should drive after they have been drinking unless A LONG TIME has passed and they are clearly sober.

It really upsets me... just take a cab, or alternate who is the DD. It's so not worth the risk.

I don't really have any advice for you, but

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

Experienced it, confronted them... it caused a huge scene, very hurtful things were said, and they drove anyway. I'm not sure what I would do if faced with the same situation again.

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Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

i won't quote heather - i'm sorry.

FM.

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

I've had family members that have DWIs. I've had family members that were in serious car accidents as passengers in the car of a drunk driver. I've had a friend that was decapitated due to driving drunk.

What I've done is made it very clear that I will pick them up from wherever they are, no matter what time...

and I have.

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

I dont think for myself personally it will matter if you are family or not. If I feel like you are to smashed to drive I have ZERO problem telling you so. I have ZERO problem sticking a screw driver in your tires to make you stay put. go ahead, you will get over your anger. Death not so easy.

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

I have no problem confronting family members who I think are going to drive drunk. If a family member has had too much to drink, I will ask (usually in front of a group) "How are you getting home?" or "You didn't drive--did you?" and when he/she answers "I am driving" I make a big song and dance about it--I tell him/her that there is no way I will allow it and it usually works. I even offer to dive so and so back the next day to pick up their car or I arrange for a ride home with a sober person. I find that when you make it known in front of a few people, others chime in and eventually the drunk person gives up. I have never had a problem with me b/c of my aggression, and if they did, I wouldn't care b/c I know what I am doing is for the good of who knows how many people.

Re: Spinoff - family members who drive drunk:

My aunt and her husband had a drinking problem. They had 4 children together at the time and they both would drink and drive. I was just a kid at the time but I remember them coming to my grandma's house and they would both be a bit wasted. My family tried to talk to them about it but they were both in denial. They said they were just social drinkers.

It all changed one day when my aunt crashed her car into a telephone poll. She was drunk, her husband was in the car (he was drunk too) and three of the kids were in the car. My uncle was in the hospital for a year with brain damage, many broken bones, and went through massive physical therapy to recover. Two of my cousins had broken bones / concussions etc. The third baby was ok. After the massive grief we all went through during the recovery, my aunt stopped drinking and cleaned up her life. They divorced later on and she hasn't had a drink since then.