question for you lovely ladies

i have a somewhat sensitive question to ask and i mean NO disrespect by it, i am just honestly curious.

i have seen many posts and read stories on other forums about how women, who are obviously PG, get on a crowded subway, bus or train and are not offered seats, or move towards a seat, only to have it stolen from them by someone who does not need it as much. most of the time the PG women will post about how they stared at the offender, gave them dirty looks, or sighed loudly, until someone did offer a seat.

while i obviously agree that these rude passengers SHOULD offer their seats to PG women, can i ask - why not just ask for the seat?

i am sorry if this is offensive to anyone, i am not trying to start anything, but i have never been PG and i am truly just curious.

Message edited 9/2/2009 9:57:48 AM.

Re: question for you lovely ladies

If I felt I really needed it, I would ask. Right now, I've been OK with the commute. My subway ride is only a few stops - but, the point is, the passengers don't know that.

Re: question for you lovely ladies

I dont even remember if I posted about the beyatch who stole my seat (I might have, just can't remember), but ftr, it was MY seat to take pregnant or not - it opened up in front of me, not her. She was short enough (most people are) to slip under my arm and take it from me while I was letting it's original occupant get off the train. She did get up for me, but by then I already hated her. And she made it worse by not taking a seat 2 stops later and instead kind of insisted that someone else sit down.

But anyway, back to the original question... I can't ask for a seat. I don't have it in me. Just like I can't ask people for help, I can't ask for expensive gifts and I would turn 30 shades of purple if I had to ask for a raise (I have broken out in hives doing this). It just makes me very uncomfortable.

Also, the non-preggo person sitting may just need the seat more than I do. Some people do. My condition is temporary, theirs may be permanent - who knows? A woman once gave me her seat only to sit down next to me and tell me how sick she was that morning.

I've started taking the bus because I really do need to sit now and I can't hope that people will just do the right thing.

Re: question for you lovely ladies

If I want to sit down I will say something, I am not afraid!

Re: question for you lovely ladies

I'm invading this post sorry!!! I'm a regular commuter, and I'm not pregnant yet, but it has always infuriated me when I see people sitting down with an obvious pregnant lady right in front of them. I know a lot of people don't have it in them to ask for the seat, but I remember one time I totally tapped this young guy on the shoulder in his own world and said can you give this woman your seat. It pisses me off sooo much when ppl just don't care...so I'll open my mouth up for them...

Re: question for you lovely ladies

I would never ask because I would never presume to know what the situation was of the person I was asking to give up a seat.

I had a situation when I was waitressing that I worked a double shift, basically 16 hours straight on my feet, and at the end of the night, we were moving the tables in the restaurant, and someone lifted the table and and dropped it on my foot. Needless to say, I was in excruciating pain and needed to sit. I could barely hobble to the train station and had an hour commute. On the train, there was an older woman (maybe in her 60s) who did not have a seat and someone else who was standing had the nerve to yell at me specifically to give up my seat to her. They asked noone else. Just me. I lost it. I said, I'm sorry, I can't and explained why. Just because I was young and looked like I was in good health did not mean that anyone had the right to presume that I didn't need that seat. There are dozens of people sitting down. No one else offered this woman a seat but they did have the nerve to stare at me the whole ride like I was the worst person in the world.

Since then, I would never presume that I needed a seat more than anyone else did. Only you, as the person sitting can judge whether you WANT to be gracious and give up your seat. I always give my seat up to PG ladies, and I'm not about to tell someone else how they should or should not act.

Acts of kindness should be voluntary, not forced or requested.

I'm not passive aggressive and don't give people nasty looks, but boy do I notice if someone is obviously trying to act like they don't see me to make them feel better about themselves about not giving up their seat.

Phew - that was a lot longer that I expected.