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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
My BF has been dating this guy for 3 years. She recently broke up with him a month ago and came to me for guidance. The reason they split is because at a recent wedding she realized a number of things. She has completely abandoned her friends for this guy because he's not social and prefers to just be with her. If prodded he will either go and sulk, or not go but constantly call her to tell her how bored he is. Because she feels such a loyalty to him, she has put her friends and social life on the back burner. She's also in a place in her life where she desperately wants another child. She has twin daughters from her previous marriage that are 9 years old. She wants to get married and he claims he wants the same thing, but not until he buys a house and can provide for her. Understood, but he bought a home in the poconos and there's still no talk of marriage. When she asked him again, he said all in due time, give me at least 5 years. But she just doesnt want to wait that long to have another child. Now that's she's single, she's afraid to get back into the dating scene (She's 32). She just emailed me today and said they got back together again. I know her main reason for going back is because she doesnt want to be alone. As her best friend who has ALWAYS been honest with her, should I mind my business this time around? I really dont know what to do. 
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Posted 11/1/06 11:57 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
If you truly are best friends, you can share these feelings without her getting upset. But if and when she does what she wants, which might be to remain with him--keep quiet, because you'll have said your peace.
Good luck!
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| Posted 11/1/06 11:59 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
I think in the nicest way possible, I would say to her at 32, if she really wants another child, she needs to tell him to fish or cut bait. It sounds like he is stringing her along and it isn't fair to her.
She probably already knows this and might need to hear it from someone who loves her. 
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| Posted 11/1/06 11:59 AM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
Posted by dpli
I think in the nicest way possible, I would say to her at 32, if she really wants another child, she needs to tell him to fish or cut bait. It sounds like he is stringing her along and it isn't fair to her.
She probably already knows this and might need to hear it from someone who loves her.
Good advice!
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:00 PM |
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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
Posted by dpli
She probably already knows this and might need to hear it from someone who loves her.
See that's the thing. When she came to me, I did tell her and she admitted that she knew. So what I cant understand is, why go back to him.
I guess my biggest fear is that if I do say something, she'll hesitate to confide in me again about this.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:02 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
IMO if it were me and my BF I would tell her honestly, I would reather her be a bit upset now then wait the 5 years for nothing or something who knows but personally I would voice my opinion.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:04 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
Well, sometimes people don't really want to hear what you are saying when they are caught up in a situation, especially when you tell them they are wrong.
My approach is to say something like, "I love you and I am always on your side, but sometimes that means confronting you when you are doing things that aren't good for you."
IMO, 5 years is a long time to tell someone to wait to plan their future. Speaking from experience, a LOT changes in 5 years.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:05 PM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
i always hated when people told me what to do.
even if they are right.
at the most, advise her that getting back with him will just dealy everything for her. but leave it at that.
shes probably lonely and hes a comfort to her.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:06 PM |
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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 3/5/2010 1:28:23 PM.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:10 PM |
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
I dont know her so I would say what she "should or should not" do but I dont think you should butt out if she is coming to you for advice.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:10 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
If she's ASKING for your advice and guidance I'd tell her exactly how you feel, otherwise, try to talk to her about it more w/o flat out telling her what you think .........Get the conversation going and just let her talk it out, maybe she'll realize it herself.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:12 PM |
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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
I would judt be honest with her and let her know that because you love her so much, you don't want to see her get hurt.
Fear is a very powerful emotion. I don't know her and can't say what she is thinking. However, she might be thinking that she can change his mind and if she just sticks it out a little longer, he'll come around.
Good luck!
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:14 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
Posted by MrsPorkChop
i always hated when people told me what to do.
even if they are right.
at the most, advise her that getting back with him will just dealy everything for her. but leave it at that.
shes probably lonely and hes a comfort to her.
I was thinking something along these lines plus if they do actually get married, it may hurt her if she thinks you don't support their relationship.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:14 PM |
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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Please tell me to mind my business - kinda long
I was thinking of just mentioning to her that I'm glad they are back together and that I hope they came to an understanding about wanting to start a family. Kinda not asking for an answer, but reminding her about the main reason she broke up with him in the first place.
Like sweety said, my biggest fear is that she'll resent me for being negative about her man.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:18 PM |
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sweetie
Member since 8/06 1730 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 3/5/2010 1:28:35 PM.
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| Posted 11/1/06 12:23 PM |
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