Off to the doctor today-PPD maybe

I go to my OB today and its bittersweet for me. Since DD has been home from NICU I havent had a good nights sleep-which is sad cause she sleeps thru the night. I find myself watching her which is normal right but I also find myself going to sites where preemie mothers have lost children and reading their stories almost like preparing myself. it makes me appreciative that she is here but I am worried that something is going to happen to her, there isnt a day or night I dont cry. I keep analyzing her as if to find something wrong that the doctors havent picked up yet with her being a preemie. I have what may be irrational fears about her going to daycare and there is some resentment towards DH for me being the primary $$ earner and not g able to SAH. I really dont want anyone around me except for DH and this includes my parents. Sometimes I blame myself for her coming early, I feel like my body failed somewhat-I've felt like this the moment I delivered and the drugs wore off. I think its affecting my BM production, I notice that I dont let down easily and can only pump 2 oz per session now. Truely scared to think I may be going through a type of PPD.

Message edited 10/11/2007 9:30:37 AM.

Re: Off to the doctor today-PPD maybe

Hang in there...you have been through so much and just really havent had the time to heal yet.

I wasnt treated for PPD but I have been treated for Depression in the past after a really trying time in my life. It was the best thing I could of ever done. 3 years later things are so much better.

Re: Off to the doctor today-PPD maybe

It doesnt sound like PPD to me, more like the baby blues and the hormones make that happen. Almost 90% of new moms feel exactly like what you have described.

And dont be so hard on yourself. I honestly dont think you should worry so much about her preemie status? DO you have legit reason to?

I mean she wasnt THAT early, you know that. I was born earlier then her, and I know sooo many babies who were too.

I know 5 babies born before 30 weeks! All are fine actually.

So try to maybe go to the positive websites? See all the success stories?

Because the chances of something happening to a child at your daughters gestation is very low and maybe concentrating on that will help?

Join a web board maybe?

Hang in there.

We ALL go through this.

Re: Off to the doctor today-PPD maybe

Hopefully your doctor will be able to refer you to someone. You have been through this before, so you know how differently you feel now.

Re: Off to the doctor today-PPD maybe

Everytime I tell mys4elf not to worry Iget the doctor saying she is not at high risk but there is a possibility..

This is #2 for me and I am definitely not feeling the same. I was a worry wort with #1 but I was preoccupied with the fear of losing her and the guilt wasnt an issue. We'll see what my Dr says I guess. I hope its just hormones.

Re: Off to the doctor today-PPD maybe

I think you should talk to someone. It sounds like all normal fears that a lot of mothers go through, but talking to someone may help you work through those fears and realize that your precious baby is thriving and you are doing a wonderful job as mommy