need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

SO as some of you know from ALL my postings, mikayla was a GREAT baby but has turned into quite a handful as a toddler

She is WONDERFUL with others (sitter, IL's, DH, etc) but with me, she needs CONSTATNT attention

She is whining, crying, and wants me to hold her all the time. She refuses to walk when we go anywhere (store, from the car into the house, etc) and wants me to hold her. If I say "mikayla you need to walk, you are a big girl", she FLIPS out and has a tantrum, even throws herself on the floor

If I am sitting on the couch, she will ONCE in a while crawl over to me to cuddle but most of the time she wants me to stand up and hold her

I am 14 weeks and she is over 30lbs so that is just not doable

How do I "fix" this. Do I just refuse to hold her whenever she demands it and let her CIO?

I need help before I get too far along into my pregnancy and physically can't pick her up.

HELP !!!!!

any advice would be appreciated

Message edited 3/17/2009 1:32:26 PM.

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

First some for you!!!

Definitely don't pick her up-she's too heavy and it's not safe!
I think after a few times and a few tantrums she will get the picture and give up trying!!(hopefully)

Wherever I go I bring my stroller -I refuse to carry ds for more than a few minutes!

Once you have the new baby you won't be able to hold her anyway!

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Posted by mypumpkin



Once you have the new baby you won't be able to hold her anyway!

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by mypumpkin



Once you have the new baby you won't be able to hold her anyway!

exactly, which is why I want to get her out of this habit now

thanks for the advice and hugs

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Posted by mypumpkin

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by mypumpkin



Once you have the new baby you won't be able to hold her anyway!

exactly, which is why I want to get her out of this habit now

thanks for the advice and hugs

You are welcome!! It is sooo hard because she has always been the baby and now she will have to share you!! So it is better to get her more independent now rather than later!!

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by mypumpkin

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by mypumpkin



Once you have the new baby you won't be able to hold her anyway!

exactly, which is why I want to get her out of this habit now

thanks for the advice and hugs

You are welcome!! It is sooo hard because she has always been the baby and now she will have to share you!! So it is better to get her more independent now rather than later!!

I know, you are so right. Hope this goes smoothly.

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Posted by mypumpkin

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by mypumpkin

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by mypumpkin



Once you have the new baby you won't be able to hold her anyway!

exactly, which is why I want to get her out of this habit now

thanks for the advice and hugs

You are welcome!! It is sooo hard because she has always been the baby and now she will have to share you!! So it is better to get her more independent now rather than later!!

I know, you are so right. Hope this goes smoothly.

It definitely will!!! You have to make dd your extra special helper!! Include her in every thing you do for the new baby!! Also make special time for dd by herself to paint her nails or play a fun game,etc!!! hth

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

BUMP for some more advice

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

this is my babysitting boy, Gavin...exactly.

He turned 2 in Feb.

His mom is due in July. Gavin is a big boy, atleast 33 pounds.

Since Christmas he throws these mean as hell tantrums when his mom comes to get him. Anything that day that I asked him not to do, he does it the second she comes through the door.

He has never ever hit me or josh...but I have seen him wack his mother across the face.

At his house he will only eat dinner on her lap. At my house, he sits in booster seat and eats fine twice a day.

He cries and whines at home, here never.

He has become overly clingy. When he's out and about with me, I don't tolerate it. I tell him he can hold my hand but I can't hold him. If he cries then I won't hold his hand.

He is becoming OCD with his things. His hat has to be a certain way on his head. He wants to sleep with it on. I tell him no, that once he wakes I will put it back on his head.

He has his "puppies"
3 stuffed animals. I tell him to go put them in the bed for naptime, that he can't take them out with us.

I understand a security toy or thing...but he always goes overboard. When the lost one, no one in the house slept for 5 days!

I do give him tons of attention. He sits on my lap at home a lot. I chase him down also pretty often to play.

Its amazing how they can be night and day with different people

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Ah yes, I have this problem too, though my daughter has always been on the difficult side. Once I was put on bedrest for this pregnancy everything had to change.

The approach I took was to sit down with Alex and tell her that I had to talk about something very important with her and asked if that was ok. We sat down on the floor together and I explained that mommy and the baby were a little sick, and that mommy's doctor told her that she can't pick things up anymore.

I explained all the things I could and couldn't do anymore, and told her that because of this, I'm going to need her help even more than ever, and that she's going to have to do some really big girl things.

She took it really well and is really proud of herself in helping me around the house. She even holds the door open for me when we leave school and when we get home

I think, at least for us, much of it has to do with the tone and the approach. I made a real effort to sit down on her level and have a real conversation with her, and asked her first if she could talk to me so it wasn't me talking down to her, but us having an important conversation together.

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Posted by Bxgell2

Ah yes, I have this problem too, though my daughter has always been on the difficult side. Once I was put on bedrest for this pregnancy everything had to change.

The approach I took was to sit down with Alex and tell her that I had to talk about something very important with her and asked if that was ok. We sat down on the floor together and I explained that mommy and the baby were a little sick, and that mommy's doctor told her that she can't pick things up anymore.

I explained all the things I could and couldn't do anymore, and told her that because of this, I'm going to need her help even more than ever, and that she's going to have to do some really big girl things.

She took it really well and is really proud of herself in helping me around the house. She even holds the door open for me when we leave school and when we get home

I think, at least for us, much of it has to do with the tone and the approach. I made a real effort to sit down on her level and have a real conversation with her, and asked her first if she could talk to me so it wasn't me talking down to her, but us having an important conversation together.

Message edited 3/17/2009 3:58:32 PM.

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Jack is a lot like this - he requires a lot of attention.

When he whines, cries, and throws his tantrums we ignore him. I tell him that I will not pay attention to him unless he acts like a big boy - 90% of the time it doesn't work but I feel better for trying.

I've found that since its attention he seeking I ignore the bad behavior and once he calms down and acts "human" again I take care of what he needs. I'm finding this works pretty well.

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

You know that sticker chart I made you? Use that same template with a new picture, and call it "Mikayla's big girl" chart

Let her know she will get "Big girl" stickers to get a special toy that she wants - maybe even put the picture of the toy on there, or ice cream, or a video, or a special treat. Getting a big box together of junk from Oriental Trading and making a prize box may work.

Walking gets a big girl sticker, no crying gets a big girl sticker, etc - get big fun glittery stickers she gets to put on, and make it a big deal when she is getting her big girl sticker. Keep reminding her that big girl stickers get (special something)

Re: need advice from BTDT mom's (behavioral issues)

Posted by lipglossjunky73

You know that sticker chart I made you? Use that same template with a new picture, and call it "Mikayla's big girl" chart

Let her know she will get "Big girl" stickers to get a special toy that she wants - maybe even put the picture of the toy on there, or ice cream, or a video, or a special treat. Getting a big box together of junk from Oriental Trading and making a prize box may work.

Walking gets a big girl sticker, no crying gets a big girl sticker, etc - get big fun glittery stickers she gets to put on, and make it a big deal when she is getting her big girl sticker. Keep reminding her that big girl stickers get (special something)