mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

i think i'm having a sort-of mid-life crisis... i'm re-thinking a lot of things:

as i'm getting too-d@mn-close to 40, i'm looking around, re-thinking my paradigms, and wondering what it's all for. i'm trying to get a handle on it with some planning, and list making... seems to be helping.

how do you combine being a responsible adult, planning for your future, providing for your family, the grind of a job, and being happy?

i saw a movie, the other day, one character was a free-spirit who walked dogs for a living and did cartwheels at the beach. i can't remember the last time i felt the sun on my face, like that... do all free-spirits walk dogs (seems to be how hollywood portrays them)?

if you've been able to find that perfect-for-you balance, how did you do it? did you forego the "career" for the sake of enjoying life? did you learn how to live with less money, less comforts?

heck, is it even possible?

Re: mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

Sometimes I struggle with what I didn't get in this life - children..and sometimes I've been angry because of it, some things "seem" to come easier to others.

I go back and forth - life has it's trade offs and what seems like others have - the "free spirit" life - may not be as free as it seems, you never know what goes on in someone's life.

I'm in my mid life too - I'll be 43 soon, DH just turned 40.

We're trying to make the conscious decisions to have those moments in the sun - and unfortunately, you may have to schedule them, becuase if you don't "life" gets in the way.

Start small - take the monthly calendar out - put in the "musts" - either birthdays/weddings, etc. Then on the days off - whatever they are - especially with the summer weather coming - make one weekend (in case of rain or bad weather" - your "Sun in My Face" weekend with your family or your SO. There are so many things to do that really don't cost alot of money - pack a lunch and go to a public park or the beach for the day. There are certain weekends it's free to go to T. Roosevelt's House - Sagamore for free - you have to scrounge around on the net to find things, but they are out there.

Baby steps!

PS - the job is a means to an end - it is my "dream job" - no, of course not. It pays the bills so I can try to fulfill other dreams.

Re: mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

I try to focus on what I have (home, DH, DS) versus what I don't (free time) to keep from going nuts

Everything is a trade off, I work a lot now so that when I'm 50/55 I'm a consultant working from home versus long days in the city.

My M-F are crazy so I do what I can to make sure I really enjoy the weekend even if that just means lounging around the house.

Re: mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

Before I had kids, and when I started law school, I envisioned myself as a high-power attorney in the courtroom everyday.

I started out at a litigation firm and was doing fabulously... until... I had Alex.... and my parents separated... and my father got sick and we moved him into our house and became his caretakers.

That was when my world came crashing down around me, and I kid you not, I truly had a nervous breakdown. But I don't regret it at all, because that huge conflict of work versus family obligations really made me stop dead in my tracks and reevaluate my life, where it was headed, and really THINK about what would make ME happy longterm.

A few months after Alex was born, and my father got sick, I realized that the career vision I had for myself did not jibe with my goal of being happy, and having a close relationship with my children. I started looking for other jobs, ones that aligned more with my goal for work/life balance, and also ones that really aligned with my interests and ideals. And thankfully, I landed my dream job, working as a civil rights attorney, in the Dept. of Education. When I got the offer, I marched right into the law firm partner's office, told him I was sorry, but I needed more flexibility for my family, and gave my notice.

And I've never looked back. I know a lot of my law school peers view me as someone who "gave up" - I was the trial advocacy guru in law school and everyone expected me to work for the DA's office, or at a large law firm as a litigator in the courtroom everyday, and I know many of my peers are SHOCKED that I'm working for the government. But... I had to balance my needs, and desires, and I don't regret even a second.

So, now, the Universe has somehow aligned itself for me, and everything fell into place. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my job, so much that I was promoted and I'm making more money now than I would have been making at the firm anyway. But, it also gives me so much freedom to spend time with my family. I had the opportunity to spend 3 years as my father's caretaker, which is immeasurable to me. And I get to spend oodles of time with my children, all while doing work that really makes a difference and that really inspires me.

So, yes, I consider myself one of the lucky ones living the dream - I love my family, I love my job, and I'm able to balance them both quite well, while also climbing the ranks at my job. I do of course have issues with the rest of my immediate family, but that's out of my control. Aside from that, I'm exactly where I want to be, but yes, it took a certain degree of compromise, and really UNDERSTANDING myself and my needs and desires.

Long diatribe... sorry!

Re: mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

I work for the government too and the work/life balance just cannot be beat.

I don't feel that I sacrificed my career because I am helping people every day AND I am providing for my family.

I never have to sacrifice my family time. I can be home by 3. I have weekends off. I can't take any work home. Tomorrow, I am working until 10 and then taking DD to the zoo -- for no reason. Sometimes, I leave early just to spend time with DH.

Re: mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

I think I am going through the same thing as u at 30 I am trying to find my niche in life still. I just started taking classes to become a makeup artist, hopefully start a new path. Also taking up the guitar. Idk if that would be considered a mid life crisis but I am just trying tonget outbthere and start some new things

Re: mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

One of the first things I've done is to ignore the media when deciding what I want out of life, what I deserve, and what makes me happy.

I think you have to kind of strip your self of all preconcieved ideas and almost place yourself in a blank room and decide what is important to you.

And then focus on your own ideas of how to make that happen.

Re: mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

Can anyone really ever have it all in the real world??

I came to this point when my maternity leave was over in February of this year, so after some discussion I gave up my job to spend more time with my family. Living in a country where I never have to worry about health care is a big bonus for me. And I believe that my quality of live here in the UK is much better than anything I could have in the states. All this helped me with my decision.

I think you shold pack it all in and move to Europe. Worked for me.

Good luck finding your happiness!!

Re: mid-life crisis, the american dream, being "happy"

No matter where you go....there you are! Thats my theory...happiness comes from within.

We had pregnancy issues so spent lots of savings and borrowed money to have our children via IVF. Now they are a large part of my happiness

We moved out of NY for financial reasons..that took a lot of stress off. Then we were both laid off, so even though the cost of living was less two people on UE don't make much.

I finally found a job that I LOVE. I work for a great company, we help charities make more money and I work at home so I can see my kids all day(I have a nanny)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, throughout life, we make ourselves happy with diferent things: security, family, job satisfaction, good relationships etc. In reality it all comes down to YOU.