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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Living with family for extended period of time
This weekend we are moving in with my SIL and her fiancé. We sold our house and while we are looking for our new home, they offered for us to move in with them since they have 2 extra bedrooms. They've been super accommodating so far - made us keys, gave us the entire basement to use as a playroom/office, gave us the family room to use as our own living room (they have another living room for themselves), DS has his own room and DH and I have our own room. We have no idea how long we will be there for...could be a few months or it could be as long as a year.
So I have 2 questions. First, they have refused to accept money from us, however DH and I know that they will be incurring extra costs by having us live there. How much money per month do you think would be reasonable for us to offer them just for taking us on (to cover ancillary things)? We plan on mostly doing our own food shopping but I will also pick up the laundry detergent and those types of things for the household each month since we'll be using it as well.
And second: any suggestions or advice from anyone who has moved in with family would be great! We're so nervous about this - they're being so great but we also want to make sure we don't take over the whole house and totally invade their lives!
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Posted 6/26/15 11:04 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19453 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
I would focus on finding a house and keep showing them the progress you are making towards it. Also why would you think this is for a year? I would focus on three months tops.
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| Posted 6/26/15 11:36 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
We moved back in with my parents for a year when we were looking for our house 10 yrs. ago. At the time though, we didn't have children. I'm not going to lie, it was tough BUT I think it might be harder going back with your parents then other extended family. Their inclination is to always act like you're "their kid" even as a grown, married woman. 
We gave them just a few hundred a month (I think it was $300) to cover any increase in electricity, water, etc. and as a "thank you".............we bought all of our own groceries, detergent, etc. etc.
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| Posted 6/26/15 11:40 AM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
I'd say anwhere from $300-$500 a month for extra water, utilities, etc.
still cheaper than paying rent. 
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| Posted 6/26/15 12:01 PM |
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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
We moved in with my in laws after Hurrican Sandy and we were looking for a house during that time. We ended up living there for almost a year. At first it was fun and everything was great. However, after some time we all ended up at getting on each other's nerves a little bit. The little things that you're not used to or that they aren't used to will be the things that can annoy everyone. Privacy was a major issue, but it seems like you guys will have a good amount of room to keep separate. We paid for all of the groceries and household cleaners etc...I also made sure to clean the house as if it were my own and I would do the laundry for everyone. I also enjoy cooking whereas MIL doesn't like it so I cooked every night. My advice is to try and not let things get to you.
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| Posted 6/26/15 12:03 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Living with family for extended period of time
I think you're very lucky to have such a great SIL! If they outright refuse any money, I would pick up detergent and any other household supplies you notice need replenishing (enough for you and them). Maybe treat to weekly take out or dinner in a restaurant? Grab a few food things from the grocery store you know they like? If they drink, keep them stocked in beer, wine, etc?
And of course, give them a SUBSTANTIAL wedding gift!
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| Posted 6/26/15 12:03 PM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
I would offer to pay for the utilities
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| Posted 6/26/15 12:10 PM |
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jessnbrian
Only God knows His plan for us
Member since 4/13 7238 total posts
Name:
Jessica
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Living with family for extended period of time
as for $$, We gave my mom $300 every month. As for advice for handling it, try to set boundaries early. Like, this is family time and this is alone time. That's where it can get tricky. And try to establish alone spaces, like if those 2 bedrooms are yours, then those are yours and no one else can go in them, KWIM? MIL did that while she was living with us, and while it was tough on DH because she knows just how to push his buttons, it was really easy on me, even being in the first trimester of pregnancy and having construction going on in the house.
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| Posted 6/26/15 12:28 PM |
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
Posted by LuckyStar
I think you're very lucky to have such a great SIL! If they outright refuse any money, I would pick up detergent and any other household supplies you notice need replenishing (enough for you and them). Maybe treat to weekly take out or dinner in a restaurant? Grab a few food things from the grocery store you know they like? If they drink, keep them stocked in beer, wine, etc?
And of course, give them a SUBSTANTIAL wedding gift!
All of this. If she is going to refuse money for utilities, room and board, etc... I would try to take them out for dinner 1x a week and also restock some of the stuff you'd be using (cleaning supplies, toilet paper, paper towels, ziplock bags, alcohol, things like that). And then give them a really generous wedding gift lol.
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| Posted 6/26/15 12:29 PM |
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TheMrs
LIF Infant
Member since 1/14 251 total posts
Name:
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Living with family for extended period of time
We moved in with my parents for just over a year before we got married and bought our place. They invited us to live there rent free so we could save for a down payment on our home on top of them paying for our wedding. They refused to take any money. Even buying milk my mom would get mad and would throw the money back at us. We got them really nice gifts for our wedding. And every opportunity we had to treat them to dinner or something they wanted, we jumped on it. And still do. My dad wanted a new BBQ, mom told him they can't afford it right now. He was so happy when it magically appeared on their doorstep a few weeks ago.
If they're going to refuse $ like my parents did, substantial wedding gift or get them a gift card toward a trip. Like the Southwest Airlines gift cards or whatever airlines they'd use for their honeymoon.
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| Posted 6/26/15 1:13 PM |
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TheMrs
LIF Infant
Member since 1/14 251 total posts
Name:
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Living with family for extended period of time
Edit: double post.
Message edited 6/26/2015 1:14:50 PM.
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| Posted 6/26/15 1:14 PM |
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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
Posted by LSP2005
I would focus on finding a house and keep showing them the progress you are making towards it. Also why would you think this is for a year? I would focus on three months tops.
We're not putting a time limit on it. We've been looking for a house for a very long time and we've already lost 3. The market is very competitive and realistically it could take us into the fall or winter market before we find something. We're also not going to settle or rush into something just because we feel like we need to get out of SIL's house. They have made it very clear that we're welcome to stay as long as we need and TBH, if we don't find a house within several months, the cost of renting in our area is basically the cost of a mortgage...we would just be throwing money away that we NEED in order to buy the next place.
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| Posted 6/26/15 1:16 PM |
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HomeIsWithU
Baby #2 on the way!
Member since 9/07 7816 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
All REALLY great advice! Thank you!! We were thinking around $300 per month, so I'm glad to see that's a good number. I know she's going to refuse it again when we try to give it to her, but DH will insist. Taking in a family of 3 plus a dog is a HUGE adjustment and we definitely want to earn our keep and thank them.
I definitely plan to cook dinner for everyone several nights per week and/or treat them to take out or out to dinner. I also planned to make sure we stock their fridge with their favorite beers (SIL can only drink one brand of beer and its hard to get, so I'll get that pretty often for her). Great suggestion on cleaning the house/doing the laundry - they would appreciate that. They plan on doing a few renovation projects while we're there and DH is very handy, while SIL's fiancé is still learning, so we offered our help on any projects as well.
I agree with the private spaces - our bedrooms are our rooms and I think that's the only time we'll get privacy. The shared spaces will be tricky - like the kitchen. I'm not really sure how that will work, but I guess we'll have to figure it out and establish it right away. Hopefully we're not there for a year!!
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| Posted 6/26/15 1:34 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
Name:
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Living with family for extended period of time
I would also talk about ground rules with them. I think addressing it at the beginning will make for a healthy relationship.
As a op said its the little
Things that can everyone crazy. Does sil like all the dishes done after dinner? Does a dirty towel drive her crazy? Does the finance have to take a shower at x time?
Make sure you tell that if you are doing anything that is bothering them to please come talk to you. You are open to hearing anything. Especuay if makes everyone comfortable. She can feel free to speak with you or DH because even though you don't anticipate problems you would rather hear about anything as its happening and fix it rather than there being an issue 6 months in that someone resents someone for.
Make sure it's clear that you don't know how long it will be. It could be a year. So that you all know what to expect going in.
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| Posted 6/26/15 1:41 PM |
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brooke23
LIF Toddler
Member since 3/11 482 total posts
Name:
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Living with family for extended period of time
Just had a thought -- if they refuse to take money, what about hiring a cleaning person for the house once a week on your dime. Knowing that 3 more people and a dog make it much harder to keep a house clean, I'm sure they would appreciate not having to worry about it and it will keep things organized and tidy while you are there (assuming of course they don't already have somebody coming in).
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| Posted 6/26/15 3:13 PM |
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LI-Joy
Member since 10/07 2910 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
Posted by brooke23
Just had a thought -- if they refuse to take money, what about hiring a cleaning person for the house once a week on your dime. Knowing that 3 more people and a dog make it much harder to keep a house clean, I'm sure they would appreciate not having to worry about it and it will keep things organized and tidy while you are there (assuming of course they don't already have somebody coming in).
That is a great idea. You could also buy a few hundred dollars in supermarket, drug, store or gas cards every month, since those are things needed all the time.
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| Posted 6/26/15 3:42 PM |
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MrsS1231
LIF Toddler
Member since 1/15 495 total posts
Name:
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Living with family for extended period of time
DH and I lived with my parents for a close to a year between selling my co-op and buying my house. Same as Hoftra26, it was just DH and I, not kids. They didn't take money for anything but we would stock the fridge at times, take them to dinner, clean, do yard work, washed cars, DH was handy so he fixed things and then we got them a flat screen TV for Christmas.
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| Posted 6/29/15 4:36 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Living with family for extended period of time
I would insist on paying something. Probably about $500. I would talk to them and say it would really make US feel better that they accept it.
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| Posted 6/29/15 4:41 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7983 total posts
Name:
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Living with family for extended period of time
If they wont take money, buy the monthly groceries and items you and your family like to eat, snack etc and keep that in your area of the house.
I agree about learning what her house keeping style is re: after dinner dishes, and setting some boundaries about your time, family time etc.
perhaps when you do a load of wash for your family, do a load of towels for her.
Message edited 6/29/2015 5:24:12 PM.
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| Posted 6/29/15 5:21 PM |
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