I need advice..for my sister.

My sister is 23, dated this guy for 2 years, he broke up with her and then for the past 2 years, they "hook up" and hang out but aren't "together". My sister of course, loves him and accepts that he must be dating other people but practically shuts her eyes to it. She just wants to be with him. He comes and goes as he pleases, he ignores her for days (sometimes even weeks) at a time and to make matters worse he lives across the street from her. At this point in her life, she is sort of in a "rut" - her friends are either still away at college or have graduated and moved away or are in serious relationships. So her weekend plans pretty much revolve around him. She just bought a brand new car (when she could have moved out!) and she lets him drive it all the time...and he has no license. And she is still on my parent's insurance.

Of course she asks me for advice and whatever I tell her she gets defensive...but I want her to open her eyes to see that he has her right where he wants her...whenever he needs something, she gives in....where is this going? I told her to ask herself, what are you really getting out of this? You are either happy when he (briefly) gives you attention...or miserable because he is ignoring you. What is that worth?

I don't know what else to say...I know she is at that age where she is just discovering the real world etc...any ideas of what else I can say?

Re: I need advice..for my sister.

in all honesty, i think she HAS to get burned to learn, as sad as it is to sit there and watch, thats life.

I am the same way. I have to learn the lesson myself. everyone can tell me what is going to happen but unless I live through it, I can't understand it.

Re: I need advice..for my sister.

If she hasn't learned already, she probably won't listen. All you can do is just be there for her.

Re: I need advice..for my sister.

Wow that is a tough situation. I have been on your side before. My friend is in love with a total user.

As the PP said, your sister may need to get burned before she smartens up.

I think your sister gets defensive because deep down she knows what you are saying is true. She is at a tough age. It's a transitioning period for her.

All can do is and hope she get past this soon. She needs to be brave and get out there and get involved with other things that take her mind off of him and expose her to meeting new people, friends and maybe others. Can you do something togehter at first.

Also, I would be worried that she is letting him driver HER new car and if soemthign happens, it is your PARENTS insurance. Before something happens she needs to nip that in the bud ASAP.

Good luck, you are great sister. I know this is hard seeing her like this.

Re: I need advice..for my sister.

is she at least willing to go out and meet other guys or is she trying to be "faithful" to him?

Re: I need advice..for my sister.

To protect your parents I think I would be a tattletale and tell your parents about him having no license and driving her car. If he gets into an accident your parents will be completely liable and god forbid someone is severely injuried, your parents could lose everything.

As far as your sister, unfortunately there is really nothing you can do to make her see the light. She is going to have to come by it on her own. I might start offering to make plans with her on the weekends so that maybe that could put her in a position to meet someone else (ughhh...the single scene, I sure dont miss THAT). The Riverview in Oakdale is a cool happy hour friday night hang out that is "tolerable" for a married person. GL

Re: I need advice..for my sister.

Re: I need advice..for my sister.

I have been there myself and everyone tried to talk to me and give opinions...but I seemed to have listened but didn't act on it. It's kind of like I knew my friends and family members were right in what they were saying....but I was like...well I know what I'm doing...they aren't in the actual relationship...they are just hearing me talk about it.

Unfortunately, she is going to have to learn for herself. I do believe, one day she will wake up and realize what a big waste of time he is and how she is worth so much more then that. It's unfortunate...cause you have to watch your sister going through this and watch her hurt and watch this dude take complete advantage of her...but again...the only way she is going to change her ways with him, is when she is good and ready to do it.

Your sister needs to meet another guy that treats her totally different and then she start to realize what she is actually doing is not good for her.