i feel lkike a failure.....

last night was Samantha's 3 month dr's visit (its about 2+ weeks early but they schedule them) - she weighs 8lbs 9 oz which is small for her age.....so now we have to go back next week for a weight check. I had to reschedule from today's appt so it was a new dr and they couldn't find her records for some reason but assured me they'd turn up....but the dr basically made me feel bad - like my breastmilk is lacking or something.....

Samantha is a peanut, which is funny since dh and i are so talll...but we already have gone through this when she was born and the 15 co-pay "weight checks" are annoying and frustrating!....aside from being small weightwise she seems fine....she is right on track and even a little ahead....but i felt so "shootty" the way she (the dr) questioned me about Samantha's eating...like I would ever hold back milk on her or anything like that...she is the light of my life and such a happy girl (to me, if she wasn't well fed - wouldn't she be cranky??) - anyway, i just feel like such a failure...its ironic when i started bfing i was ambivalent - i said i'd try it and it worked fine, if not oh well....but now i enjoy it....i also enjoy knowing that even when she gets her bottle w/ daddy its still a piece of me (ok, sounds wrong but hopefuuly you know what i mean...) and what if i am not giving her enough??? i feel horrible....



dh is great and so supportive of me....and keeps telling me she's fine but it breaks my heart..my poor lil girl....am i failing her as a mom??? - i just can't help but keep asking myself that!

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

I think you shouldn't be so hard on yourself! As long as she is a happy baby, she is thriving! All babies are different and some gain weight quicker than others! She will be fine!

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

First of all, it has NOTHING to do with you being a failure or your breastmilk not being good enough. What you are giving her is the absolute BEST that any mother could give their baby. Whether she's gaining a TON or not, you are giving her the healthiest thing that is out there for her, anywhere.

How much weight has she gained since she was born? Some babies are just smaller and slower gainers. My DD never gained that quickly, but she started out as a 10lb baby and at 14 months old is perfectly normal now. She's not overweight, her body leveled things off since she was so big to begin with.

I would be concerned if she wasn't gaining at all, and I'd think that you should probably suppliment, but if she has gained, but just not a TON, I wouldn't be too worried about it. Some pediatricians just freak out for no reason about things. You'll hear other pediatricians think entirely differently about the same situation.

Maybe you should get a 2nd opinion? Does your regular pediatrician in the office worry about it or is it just this other doctor that you've never seen before.

Maybe you should call a Lactation Consultant?

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Oh, don't feel bad! You're doing a great job! Every kid is different. Andy is 5.5 months and rarely drinks 5 oz at one sitting. He only likes a few oz here and there. we try and try and he just won't take more until he's ready, so we've resigned ourselves to the fact that he's a feed on demand kid. we figure he's going to be a snacker when he gets older.

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

thank you alll i should have added she was born at 6 lbs 14 oz and was 6lbs 5 oz when we brought her home, at her 2 month visit she was 7lbs 11oz....so all in all she's gained over 2 lbs since being home w/ us....and eats but is also always on the "move" (always active and not a big napper during the day! )

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

If she is happy and content after feedings I would not go by the scale. If she is gaining and not losing she is doing well.

My son has always been very lean. He was under the 25% at times for weight, while he was over the 75% for height. Every month he would gain less than a pound, the most he gained was a pound. But he is perfectly healthy. How is your doctor towards BFing generally? If your not comfortable and they are not supportive you may want to consider a second opinion, or switching doctors. Especially if it is stressing you out, which may impact your milk supply.

If your at all worried I would recommend contacting a lacatation consultant. When my son was first born I contacted one when he was actually losing weight in the first week. She was a huge help. Or just try putting her to the boob more. But I really think there is no problem. Good luck!!!!

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

We are tall people and my son has always been in the 25% for height and 75% for weight. Even after I stopped BF he still is and he is 20 months and still is. I don't think you are failing your child. My son eats so much as is tall and thin.

Message edited 12/12/2006 12:23:42 PM.

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Andrew lost weight at his 6 month visit so we had to go back the next week for a weight check.

He weighs 14 lbs 7 oz. Very Very tiny for his age. He was always smaller since birth.

He wasn't thriving with me BF'ing so when he was a month old I had to start supplementing with formula. He finally started gaining some more weight.

It is so hard but my dr. wasn't that concerned.

Does she spit up a lot? Or have a lot of bowel movements a day?

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

We went through the same exact thing with Amber. She was a peanut at birth and she's still a very slender child. She only weighs about 23 lbs at 2 1/2. Yet she eats like a hog! This kid is munching from morning til night. So what more can we do? IMO, Doctors can sometimes be alarmists and their approach can leave you feeling like you are doing something wrong. We've been to the Endo, the G.I. Specialist, you name it. She's been through a battery of bloodwork and tests and you know what? They can't "determine" whats wrong with her. She doesn't have a problem. She's a highly active child who burns the food as she's consuming it. These doctors are never happy

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Posted by wowcoulditbe

last night was Samantha's 3 month dr's visit (its about 2+ weeks early but they schedule them) - she weighs 8lbs 9 oz which is small for her age.....so now we have to go back next week for a weight check. I had to reschedule from today's appt so it was a new dr and they couldn't find her records for some reason but assured me they'd turn up....but the dr basically made me feel bad - like my breastmilk is lacking or something.....

Samantha is a peanut, which is funny since dh and i are so talll...but we already have gone through this when she was born and the 15 co-pay "weight checks" are annoying and frustrating!....aside from being small weightwise she seems fine....she is right on track and even a little ahead....but i felt so "shootty" the way she (the dr) questioned me about Samantha's eating...like I would ever hold back milk on her or anything like that...she is the light of my life and such a happy girl (to me, if she wasn't well fed - wouldn't she be cranky??) - anyway, i just feel like such a failure...its ironic when i started bfing i was ambivalent - i said i'd try it and it worked fine, if not oh well....but now i enjoy it....i also enjoy knowing that even when she gets her bottle w/ daddy its still a piece of me (ok, sounds wrong but hopefuuly you know what i mean...) and what if i am not giving her enough??? i feel horrible....



dh is great and so supportive of me....and keeps telling me she's fine but it breaks my heart..my poor lil girl....am i failing her as a mom??? - i just can't help but keep asking myself that!

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Is she growing faster than she is gaining weight? I would think if her percentiles stay similar - she is doing fine.

when you pump, do you get a decent amount? If yes, I don't think there is anything to worry about

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Posted by Eleanor

Is she growing faster than she is gaining weight? I would think if her percentiles stay similar - she is doing fine.

when you pump, do you get a decent amount? If yes, I don't think there is anything to worry about

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Posted by wowcoulditbe

Posted by Eleanor

Is she growing faster than she is gaining weight? I would think if her percentiles stay similar - she is doing fine.

when you pump, do you get a decent amount? If yes, I don't think there is anything to worry about

she is getting taller but not "giant-like"....she was 19 3/4" when born and is now 22"

when i pump i usually get at least 5 oz or more.....per sitting (thats good right??)

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

I have been BFing for over 8 months and have never been able to pump that much. The only time I was able to pump 6 ounces was when he missed a feeding and then I pumped. I think that is great that you are pumping that much!!

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Go get a new ped. period.
You need one that is supportive of BF, not one that is questioning you like this.

Your baby is small..but is the baby healthy? healthy is more important. I am really sorry that this ped said those things to you.

Pumping and nursing are very different. I pumped for a year. Not all women's bodies respond the same to both ways of getting milk. There is also a TON of factors= when you pumped, what pump u are using, if your baby ate right before you pumped etc...

Re: i feel lkike a failure.....

Posted by wowcoulditbe

Posted by Eleanor

Is she growing faster than she is gaining weight? I would think if her percentiles stay similar - she is doing fine.

when you pump, do you get a decent amount? If yes, I don't think there is anything to worry about

she is getting taller but not "giant-like"....she was 19 3/4" when born and is now 22"

when i pump i usually get at least 5 oz or more.....per sitting (thats good right??)