Friendships

When do you say enough is enough. That keep up the friendship is something that you don't want to do anymore?
And what usually makes you do this?

Re: Friendships

Re: Friendships

when people dont contribute emotionally like i do and when they are "toxic" people.

Re: Friendships

Re: Friendships

Funny - this just came up today. I wrote off a friend about 8 months ago, when, after being a HORRIBLE bridesmaid, she emailed me for the 5th time in a two months to ask a legal-related favor, and when I told her I just couldn't do anything then and there because I was going through a miscarriage at the time, her response was "Sorry to hear that. Hope you feel better". And that was it. No word from her for another 5 months until she sent me an email wishing me a happy bday.

A mutual friend just forwarded an email she sent to him asking him if he's heard from me. He doesn't want to get in the middle, so I'm going to have to contact her and tell her why I wrote her off.

So, to answer - people who are so wrapped up in themselves and self-centered - that's a deal breaker for me.

Re: Friendships

Sometimes i think i quit on friendships to quick but i feel that if i just can't trust someone then what is the point


ETA. I can take friends that are just social. Ya know the ones that you talk to on occassion. Ones that you don't expect much from. It is the ones that pass themselves off as "good friends" who i can't trust or feel betrayed by that i can't take

Message edited 7/25/2005 12:31:42 PM.

Re: Friendships

When I call someone so much and they don't make an effort to call me back. I have dropped those friends.

Re: Friendships

Message edited 7/25/2005 12:51:07 PM.

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when all i get is forwarded joke emails, not a personal note or anything...i hate that

Re: Friendships

Re: Friendships

Re: Friendships

Unfortunately, I think experiencing real tragedy or loss can really help you understand and realize who the people are in your life that you can depend on 100%. After losing my parents, I find I am much less tolerant of people who are careless with my heart or my feelings. I also tend to let those people go who are unwilling or unable to invest much in the friendship emotionally or are very self-centered.

I do think that we all keep some friends that we have a lot of history with that if we met them today, we might not necessarily befriend.

And on a lighter note - the ones who help you move are definitely the keepers!

Re: Friendships

Re: Friendships

i cut off a friend who I became great friends with in college. We were so close and even went together for our Masters. We also worked together at a cell phone company before we both became teachers. I always felt I put more into the friendship... The last straw was when she asked everyone to be in her bridal party except me. her husband to be didnt like me because he thought I was wild and a bad influence on her!!!

meanwhile she is the one who cheated on him before she got engaged !!! and she only told me about it!!!
she even asked a girl she had cut off two years ago and then recentlyhad rekindled the friendship.

after that, i was done. I admit i did go about it the wrong way. I was invited to her bridal shower and was going to go- responded yes. but then never went and havent spoken to her since.

Re: Friendships

I actually just ended a friendship because it became "work" to talk with her and share like we used to. I also knew she lied to me about a few things in her life and that is something I cannot forgive. When I feel like I am being a phoney to someone who used to be like a sister, I realized the relationship changed and the effort wasn't worth it anymore

Re: Friendships

Re: Friendships

I usually put a lot into my friendships, so I give it a few shots of working it out...Thankfully I have only had to give up on a few friendships in my life, but you just " know" when the person is not a true friend, either at all or from the beginning or from a certain point.

I think I noticed with any friendship I gave up on, that I simply didnt want to talk to the person anymore, avoided them, or didnt feel liek sharing things with them. Thats what friendships are about IMO, so when theres NOT that, then theres nothing.

Re: Friendships

when they become a puzzle or a chore more than fun! I had a best friend since elementary. After school we went our own ways but always continued where we left off.
We both live close to one another but in the last year we started drifting again and I really felt like I did something to tick her off but didn't know what.
well it's been almost a year since we spoke/saw each other. It stinks but at the same time I have felt it to be an 'exhausting' friendship
I have also let go of some friendships that seem to be based solely on convenience.

.

Message edited 3/2/2010 4:36:17 PM.

Re: Friendships

When I end up putting all of the effort into the friendship..is when I stop being friends..

Message edited 7/27/2005 2:17:00 PM.

Re: Friendships

I think a lot fo firnedships just drift apart naturally if you grow apart or something, but I've had to "break up" with one friend, and I still feel the effects of it 2 years alter. I still feel as though a weight was lifted. this guy would call me all the time (several times a day) and would enver let me hang up but when he had to go it was "gotta go bye." He's put down everything I did. When I had a 3.8 GPA and he was failing out it was because I had only 4 days of classes so I had the extra day to study, it wasn't because I worked hard and studied, and it wasn't that I did well despite having 2 jobs and a long coimmute nad he did poorly even though he didn't work at all and lived on campus. He would also twist stories around. He was loaded. His aprents deoposted $150 a week into his checking account just as spending money. I was lucky to make that much at my 2 jobs and it went to gas, books, etc. He was always losing his ID and several times I bailed him out and paid the $10 fee for him (he had no money having spent his 'allowance' on dvds, cocnerts, clothes, watever. And then later one he would say "remember when we were in school and you'd borrow all that money from me" WHAT? And also he'd criticize my parents all the time becuase I'd say I couldnt go to a concert with him or something because I couldn't afford it and he'd say my parnets were cheap because they didn't give me money. meanwhile they just couldn't afford it. He just ****** me off left and right. I remeber the last time we talked, he just kept making excuses for why the only reason I was doing well in school was b/c I had easy classes, or my teachers liked me, or whatever. And he was always complaining about my advisor, the head of the theatre dept. He would call him name and say that he hadn't gotten roles b/c he wasn't a pet of the director,and he'd say I got roles because I was. I had totally had it. I told him to take his spoiled rich *** elsewhere and leave me the hell alone. He then said I was jealous of his money or something and called me names and I told him not to contact me. He tied calling a few times but I igored the calls and I haven't heard from him since. UGH..as you can see the thought of him still frustrates me, He was the kind of guy, he invited a few people over ot his parent's place and they gave him $50 to order chinese food, he ordered himself 2 entrees ate them all and then left one entree for 4 other people to share, and like when 3 of us couldn;t eat it (it had pork, with 2 kosher people and one vegetarian there) he ate that too..and said "opps" when he finished like the one vegetarain/non pork food. His selfishness was just too much. I'm surprised I put up with it as long as I did!