Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

kinda like they dont really understand life with young ones around ??? schedules and feedings and nap times etc....

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

yes but it's understandable, some get it more than others, but I learned I have to teach them since they haven't been in my shoes yet and they seem to be catching on

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

My friends have not a clue. They dont know why I cant go out to the bars until 4AM anymore. They think Im nuts because I have to home for naps. Relationships are definitly deteriorating.

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

I was the first of my friends to have a child. And it was weird and a little awkward - but it wasn't my friends who changed - it was ME. My priorities changed almost overnight.. I couldn't go out drinking, clubbing, whatever. I didn't do spur of the moment trips to Boston or AC anymore. I couldn't be counted on to spend a stress free weekend in the Hamptons. I was still there to hear them out - but with half an ear on the moniter. I was still willing to talk about their latest romantic escapade, but in hushed tones so that the baby didn't hear the anxiety in anyone's voice. I still went out to dinner.. but always needed to bring the baby or leave early.

I was hurt when I realized that I was slowly being cut from certain events.. but it was par for the course. I was not the same person.

BUT.. it all evens out. We all meant enough to each other to try to weather through the differences. and they listened patiently to my latest diatribe about leaky diapers and colic - and I found time to carve out away from my child to spend with people when they needed me or wanted me for some adult only time. And eventually my friends started having babies and their priorities started to match mine.. and I became the 'veteran' since I was already battle savvy.

And those friends who do not have babies? They still listen to me chat about report cards, playground drama and the latest game my kids DESPERATELY NEED! And I rely on them to enforce those adult only nights where I can have a nice supper and a glass of wine while the boys are with the sitter.

It's an adjustment.. but you'll work it out and your friendships will be stronger for it!

Message edited 3/17/2009 7:09:43 PM.

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

Actually, I'm the last of my friends and family to have children so I'm on the other side.

The youngest child of my friends' kids is about to turn 5, most have kids in middle school and a few in high school.

I have gotten a vibe from several of them that they are "over the baby thing".

For YEARS, I went to their showers, birthday parties, christenings and communions. I fully understood their lives changed (I took care of my disabled Dad so I didn't have the carefree lifestyle either) and was always supportive. Let's just say, now that I have babies, a few have not reciprocated or been as understanding.

Some friendships just do not survive life's milestone events. They run their course and if it's meant to be you will drift back towards one another if and when your lives are in synch again.
Just want to provide the other perspective.

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

I guess somewhat. I was never the kind of person to go out to bars drinking till 3am or stay out too late doing whatever or hang out with girls who did , so I (they)don't miss that. In most cases my friends will still include me in whatever they are doing. And in most cases I am the one who can't go out with them and they understand. There have been few times when few of my friends got kind of "offended" bc I didn't do something with them, but once I explained the situation they were fine. I do have to say there is one friend who I know for sure gets annoyed with me bc I can't do as much with her, even though she says she doesn't,lol.

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

The friends I have had forever, those friendships changed a little bit, but not too much. A few friends I made later in life, I drifted away from, and then I made a bunch of NEW friends after becoming a mom.

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

it did change but I do find that my friends are VERY understanding and I love that about them.

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

Re: Do you find that your relationships have changed with friends that dont have children yet ????

bump