Delicate situation...

I have a question on how to help a friend.

My best friend and I always planned on doing the pregnant thing together (I'm sure that all girls do) anyways. She had fertility problems in the past and had twins 5 years ago. She had one frozen embryo left and always said she would use it when she was ready (I'm not sure if she really knew the odds she just always thought it was there and that someday she would have another baby).

Anyways I got married last Oct and since then she has been drilling me as to when we were going to have a baby. We weren't really trying or being careful but we ended up pregnant in May. When I finally told her she was so excited because she already (I didn't know it) had any appointment for a transfer of the frozen egg. She said whether I was ready or not she was, she was just glad I was already pregnant.

Well she did the transfer a week and a half ago and just learned today that it didn't take. She is just devastated and I don't know what to do for her. Is it going to be too hard on her to watch me go though this pregnancy?? How do I help her??

I know that she always "knew" there was a possibility that it might not take but who really thinks that way.

I just thought I could ask some of you ladies for advice on how to help her, my heart is breaking for her loss.

Thank you!

Message edited 8/13/2008 12:45:23 PM.

Re: Delicate situation...

Having never been through anything even remotely similar I really don't know what to tell you. I think you just need to be there for her, as her friend. I would try not to talk too much about my own pregnancy at least in the beginning. Give her time to heal and I'm sure she'll come around to you as time passes.

Re: Delicate situation...

Having gone through fertility treatments... IUI's, 2 IVF's and one m/c, I would say just let her know you are there for her if she needs you and leave it at that.

For me, after each failed cycle and then my m/c I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. My husband told everyone basically to leave me alone (in a nice way of course) and if I wanted to talk about it, I would.

If she wants to talk about it, she will let you know. Otherwise, just offer your support and leave it at that.

Re: Delicate situation...

Thank you for your advice.

I told her when she called this morning that i was here if she needed me. But I think that made her cry even worse. (we are going to see each other tomorrow at a friends daughters b-day party) she just asked if I was going to be there and that she would just see me tomorrow.......she was crying so hard when she hung up the phone. I feel so bad that she is so upset and that there is nothing that I can do for her. I know that but I hate to see her like this....

Re: Delicate situation...

I can relate because we are going through a similar situation. I think you can be there for her and be positive, but ultimately, there's not a whole lot you can do---she has to cope with this on her own terms.

Re: Delicate situation...

Re: Delicate situation...

Thank you all so much for your support and advice.

I decided to stop by the store pick up a cute friendship card, I wrote in it that I was here for her and that I was thinking of her. I dropped it by her mailbox on my way home from work.

This way I feel like I did something and now she can come to me when and if she is ready......

Thank you all!!