Decision to adopt

Can I ask who here has made the decision to adopt? How did you decide whether to persue international or domestic adoption?

I really appreciate any insights.

TIA

Message edited 2/20/2008 7:58:22 PM.

Re: Decision to adopt

One of my closest friends made the decision to adopt after 5 years of unexplained infertility & being classified as a "spontaneous aborter" - basically a problem getting pregnant & staying pregnant. She was done & couldn't bear the thought of going through one more medical procedure. In her words, "at least I knew this money would guarantee me a baby."

She was briefly considering international adoption but opted out.

She chose to adopt domestically (Utah) for a number of reasons. The most important to her was that she wanted a newborn. The second was that she wanted as complete of medical history as she could get. She felt that it was much harder to get internationally.

She used an adoption attorney who walked her through the process of getting certified, but when it came time to find a bio mother, she found it very difficult. She switched to an agency. After switching, she had her daughter in about 6 months. She did say that she knew someone who used the same agency & they told her to call the agency all of the time & stay on them. She said she was such a PITA, they were dying to get her set up.

I saw her cut many people out of her life because she couldn't deal with them during her IF struggle. Our friendship barely survived. I have to say that after seeing her tortured for so long, I never ever thought she would ever be the same. She has healed in ways I never thought possible. Her daughter is the light of her life - the light at the end of the tunnel.

HTH

one more thing, if you chose domestic, be aware that states terminate bio parental rights with different time tables. Utah was one of the fastest.

Re: Decision to adopt

Posted by nrthshgrl

One of my closest friends made the decision to adopt after 5 years of unexplained infertility & being classified as a "spontaneous aborter" - basically a problem getting pregnant & staying pregnant. She was done & couldn't bear the thought of going through one more medical procedure. In her words, "at least I knew this money would guarantee me a baby."

She was briefly considering international adoption but opted out.

She chose to adopt domestically (Utah) for a number of reasons. The most important to her was that she wanted a newborn. The second was that she wanted as complete of medical history as she could get. She felt that it was much harder to get internationally.

She used an adoption attorney who walked her through the process of getting certified, but when it came time to find a bio mother, she found it very difficult. She switched to an agency. After switching, she had her daughter in about 6 months. She did say that she knew someone who used the same agency & they told her to call the agency all of the time & stay on them. She said she was such a PITA, they were dying to get her set up.

I saw her cut many people out of her life because she couldn't deal with them during her IF struggle. Our friendship barely survived. I have to say that after seeing her tortured for so long, I never ever thought she would ever be the same. She has healed in ways I never thought possible. Her daughter is the light of her life - the light at the end of the tunnel.

HTH

one more thing, if you chose domestic, be aware that states terminate bio parental rights with different time tables. Utah was one of the fastest.

Re: Decision to adopt

I personally chose to adopt internationally because domestic adoption was too much of a risk for me. I had already gone through so much stress and uncertainty with infertility that I needed a "sure thing" - something that would guarantee me a baby. I was too afraid the birthmother would change her mind after I had the baby in my arms, as rare as it may be - and I was too nervous that I wouldn't be "picked" by a birthmom - or that if I did it would take an eternity. Of course there are similar risks when you adopt internationally, but I did not feel it was to the same degree. I also did not care if I had a newborn and liked the idea of having a multi-cultural family.There was not one thing about the Korea program that made me feel uncertain about adopting. Once I did my research, I knew it was the right decision for me. Everyone is different.

Re: Decision to adopt

although we haven't started the adoption process yet, the decision to adopt was kind of made for us. i was born with a genetic condition where my ovaries aren't developed and so i don't produce eggs. i could do IVF with donor eggs, but they don't recommend it because of possible heart problems for me.
we thought about international and domestic... and right now we're leaning towards china. out of the other countries, it is one of the most straightforward processes. i also don't want to risk the birthmom coming back for the baby or changing her mind with a domestic adoption.
ALSO, DH talked to a doctor who has adopted from china and he said that the chinese babies are some of the healthiest, and the medical care over there is very good. after hearing that from a doctor, it kind of sealed the deal for us.
now, we're just in the waiting game because we can't start the process until we're 30 ( 2 more years!)

Re: Decision to adopt

Re: Decision to adopt

I could not have said this better. I was extremly afraid of a birthmother here changing their minds. I know it's rare, but I did not want to risk it. After looking at all the international adoption options available, we too decided to go with China. It was just the best fit for us. As everyone is saying, it is a very personal decision of where to adopt. But I have to say, it was the best decision we ever made

Re: Decision to adopt

My close friend adopted from Guatamala after deciding not to continue IF treatments. She chose this country at the time due to the agency she worked with.

My mom adopted my brother because she was his 20th foster mom in his 24months of life. Although a difficult child, she could not bare to send him on to another home. There was a lot of red tape, and he was not officially adopted until he was 13. Thank good ness she did though, because he is one of my best friends.

I hope to adopt an older child in a few years because I often wonder where my brother would be without a family, and if I can help just one child, its what I would like to do.

Good Luck if this is something oyu are considering.

Re: Decision to adopt

Mine is very simple ...I just went to church one day and said G-D please bless me with a child of my own and I will then adopt one! I begged and prayed all the time! I was finally blessed so now i have an appt with a lawyer next week and they said it would be best for me to start off with domestic adoption...But even as a child i always said I wanted to adopt.

Re: Decision to adopt

I just want to wish you the best of luck. It is such a beautiful thing to do. DH & I have also looked into it.

Re: Decision to adopt

Re: Decision to adopt

My co-worker adopted from Guatemala after having doing IVF and suffering a MC. She didn't want to shell out the money for another IVF that didn't guarantee her a baby. Actually she was ready to skip the IVF process entirely but her DH insisted on trying before considering adoption. I believe start to finish from choosing an agency to bringing the baby home was a little over a year and a half. She brought home her baby girl at 10 months old. She chose international adoption because she was afraid of not getting picked by a birth mother and also the birthmother being able to change her mind if she chose domestic adoption. She also took into consideration that Guatemala is closer to the US than China, Russia etc. Good Luck if this is the route you choose to go. I think adoption is a beautiful thing.

Re: Decision to adopt

Even as a teenager I also knew that I wanted to adopt a baby. My husband and I discussed adoption before we got married as a possibility in case of IF.
We were blessed me getting pregnant less than 6 months after getting married. I had have a beautiful daughter.
When Molly was 2 we decided that we wanted to look into adoption. After A LOT of reseach I found an agency that helped adopt from Ethiopia.The minute I read it, I knew. My son was there. My husband agreed and we sent our money in for our registeration package. After that we told our families. Some wereVERY excited. Others were very "are you sure that this what you want". But I can tell you that my son is sooo very loved. After the intial - are you sure you can raise a black child- he truly became not a black child being raised by white parents but a child being loved and raised by his parents.
He is a true light. I cannot imagine my life without him. I truly blessed to be given the opportunity to love him.
Often people tell me that "he is so lucky" but it is us who are the lucky ones.

Re: Decision to adopt

"and I was too nervous that I wouldn't be "picked" by a birthmom - or that if I did it would take an eternity. Of course there are similar risks when you adopt internationally, but I did not feel it was to the same degree. I also did not care if I had a newborn and liked the idea of having a multi-cultural family.There was not one thing about the Korea program that made me feel uncertain about adopting. Once I did my research, I knew it was the right decision for me. Everyone is different."
------------
My feelings as well. And let me tell you, when my 1st DS was placed in my arms, I thank God every single day that this is the way my family was mapped out. I am thankful that I never became pg! Because this is the exact was it is supposed to be for us.. I could never imagine my life w/o my boys!

Message edited 3/3/2008 5:46:43 AM.

Re: Decision to adopt

I don't really have much advice to give you in this department...but just wanted to wish you lots of luck in your journey...and best wishes to you...I think adoption is a wonderful wonderful thing...

Re: Decision to adopt

I am an adoptee and I want to wish all of you that are considering adoption the best of luck.