Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

I feel stupid for feeling this way but here goes.

I suffered a natural miscarriage over the past couple weeks. I haven't been able to bring myself to take an at home pregnancy test to see if my levels have gone down and didn't go do the beta test they wrote me a script for and tonight is my first Dr appt since it happened... I know it's over, I am pretty sure everything passed naturally, and yet I find myself sitting here like an idiot thinking, oh maybe I'll go tonight and they'll do the sono and realize it was twins and I only lost one! I know it's not going to happen but for the same reason I haven't let myself have a beer or glass of wine since, it's like tonight when I go and they confirm that I 100% lost it then its really, really undeniably over. I am sitting here sobbing at my desk just realizing it. I guess I thought I was handling it better than I am.

Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

You really need to get the beta done. They are not likely going to do a sonogram, they'll probably do a blood draw. It's not easy and every one goes through the process differently. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You'll have waves of the pain and sadness throughout your grieving process. It's really important to get the beta done for so many reasons though.

Re: Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

They are going to do it all tonight, sono and bloodwork, to see if I passed everything. When I wasn't sure if I was miscarrying they ordered a beta script for me to go 2 days apart to see if the levels were rising/falling, but then I started bleeding more heavily and pretty much knew so I decided to wait until tonight to get it done, since I'd need one tonight to check the status of my levels now anyway. It's just the facing-the-reality part of it that's proving to be harder than I thought, since by not going for the beta before it wasn't like, black and white, in my face "over" like it will be now.

Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

It's really important to get it done until beta gets back to ZERO. How far along were you? They told you they were going to do a sono?

Re: Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how terribly hard it can be.

Re: Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

It's very hard to go through this kind of thing. I have been there myself. It's important to do all the tests the dr asks you because they need to make sure levels are dropping at the appropriate rate. My dr had me keep going until level was zero. If the levels are dropping then your body is doing what it needs to do to clean itself out so you can get ready to cry again. I didn't feel like doing much of anything for a few days, let yourself feel how you want to feel. Give yourself this time to let it all out. Feel free to FM if you need anything.

Re: Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

Re: Dealing with aftermath of a miscarriage

Thanks everyone for the support and good wishes. As I expected my body passed everything naturally so now I just wait to recover emotionally and wait a couple of cycles to try again. I was really upset at the appt but the doctor was so wonderful and understanding and comforting, it helped a lot. I told her I felt silly being so upset when I am so lucky to already have a young child at home, how much worse it must be if its your first. She said its just a totally different kind of loss because now that I have a baby already that means "I know what I lost"... that just hit me because that's exactly how I'd been feeling.

I've had some time to deal with and process it and am trying to move on. I really appreciate you guys who posted when I was feeling really down. Definitely needed that!