Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

I am totally interested in answers.

Good
Becuase of IF....
-me and DH are closer
-I know when we do get our blessing, we will be great parents and truly appreciate our child.
-We are able to go on Vacations on a whim
- I eat sushi whenever possible.

Bad
Because of IF....
- I am sad very often
- I no longer like going to church, because we go to the children's mass
- It takes nothing for me to cry
- I feel like giving up
- I avoid making friends/ starting conversations with anyone I know who has a baby.
- I'm jealous of women w/ children.

Ugly
Because of IF....
- When someone ask for the date, I give them CD10 instead of March 13.
- The whole world can see my ladyhood and it doesn't even phase me.
- I am now of BC so that I can do my lap w/o the possiblitiy of being pregnant.

Your Turn.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

Good:

I have found a strength within myself I didn't think I had to subject myself to injections, sonograms, and the day to day stress of it.

DH and I are definitely closer (especially since family and friends don't know what we are going through).

Each month that AF comes, I think of something fun that I have planned for the month ahead and that I can have a drink now and then

Bad:

My emotions flip flop every minute

I feel like this is all I think about when I'm alone

I sometimes question if this is what I really want and would my life be better without all this stress

Ugly:

Feeling jealous when people announce they are pregnant

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

Good..

DH and I are closer
My knowledge of the whole reproductive process/system has increased dramatically.
I know we will be great parents and will love a child.
I went back to church and found my faith again.

Bad..

The stress increase is unbelievable.
I hate the 2-3 times a week co-pays at the doctors office & lab
I hate being a human pin cushion at the lab..they know me by name now.
I have difficulty dealing with friends who are now pregnant while I've been trying, and failing.

Ugly...

I'm not exactly thrilled about the drugs, I don't know what or if they will do anything to my body in the long run, but they are a necessary evil.
There is one nurse at the doctors office that is mean.

Patty

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

Good...

I have made many new friends on this message board because of my IF journey
My husband fully understands and appreciates the beauty and wonder of creating life (he has 2 kids from an ex and one was an "oops" and the other was conceived after the first month)
I've learned just how strong I am and what I'm willing to endure to get what I want
I've learned a lot about my body and how everything works
I'm going to church again and praying nightly. I've become much more involved in my faith.

Bad...

I hate living in 2 week intervals
I feel like giving up
I feel envious of those who are able to conceive with no problem
I can't walk down a baby aisle in a store or walk into ANY baby store at all
I cry when I watch any type of baby product commercial
I pray that I'm pregnant for every single upcoming event/holiday (i.e. I'll be fine if I'm pregnant by Mother's Day. I'll be fine if I'm pregnant by Thanksgiving. etc.)

Ugly...

I have gained A TON of weight from the stimming meds.
I'm irritable and angry most of the time.
I've switched doctors twice in hopes of better news that never happens.
I've literally nearly twisted my nipples off during a 2ww to see how they're "feeling"
I've begged and bargained with God for just one more chance at becoming a mother

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The good:
Because of IF..

- I've gotten over my insane fear of blood and needles!

- I've learned to not take other things in my life so seriously, because, by comparison, they aren't that important to stress about

-I've gained a tremendous appreciation for how truly life IS a miracle

-I've started to learn to STOP yearning so bad for what I DON'T have, and instead, concentrate on everything I DO have that's a miracle and blessing

- I started therapy, which is helping me in so many other ways to gain confidence and understanding in myself, and to come to peace with those aspects of my life that bring stress.

The bad:
Because of IF...

-There is no such thing as privacy in my physical life

-I've lost some friends

-As much as I feel I have a handle on everything, it can all turn upside down with one bad phone call from the RE, or an announcement of an unplanned pregnancy

-I worry. Endlessly. Over things I simply cannot control.

The ugly:
Because of IF...

-I can't feel truly happy for my best friend who just got pregnant, without a tinge of jealousy

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The Good:

I now realize how much a really want to be a monther after years of ambivalence.

DH and I have gotten closer and more supportive of eachother.

I realized hidden inner strength to cope with and juggle even the most difficult things in life.

I have become extremely knowledgable about the human body and how miraculous reproduction really is.

The Bad:

The jealousy that strikes around pg women.

Living life in 2 week increments.

Swallowing and injecting hormones into my body which alter the way I look, think, and feel.

Obsessive worrying about if/when I will ever get pg.

Being scared to death of what life will be like if I never get pg.

The Ugly:
Being poked and prodded by strangers all trying to get me pg.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The Good:

My husband has proven to be an amazing man, even though he was kind of ambivalent about having children in the first place(which was a dealbreaker for me and he knew that all along)

I have gotten much smarter and more confident in my ability top be my own advocate

I don't let ANYONE push me around when it comes to my body and my fertility-I sometimes know more than my Dr's

I appreciate all the little ones in my life because they are the closest thing I have to my own right now

I realized that I am a positive thinker even when times are REALLY tough

Enjoying our entertainment

We have had LOTS of time to analyze parenting styles of others(privately, of course) and make plans for ourselves.



The Bad:

Sex for babymakin-nuff said

Depression

Being insanely focused on this one goal

Dealing with nosiness and dumbazz suggestions-eg. just pray and it will happen or maybe you shouldn't drink coffee

The Ugly:

See the last statement above-I can be pretty b!tchy in response to these types of statements.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

I love this Post!

The Good:

Dh and I have a new found love for each other.

Met amazing friends on this site!!

Learned a lot about myself (physically and emotionally) and it has empowered me in many areas of my life.

Stronger faith in God.

Knowing that when we do have a child, he or she will be loved immensely.

Knowledge=Power

If I cannot get PG, my hopes is that the information I share with others will help them get PG

The Bad:


Emotional Rollercoaster

Questioning God

The Unknown

Fertility drugs su x!

"Do you have children?"

Who knew that I would have so many white coats looking up my vajay jay.

The Ugly:


My miscarriage

Message edited 3/14/2008 3:08:25 PM.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

I'm new to this board and really related to this post.

The good:
I realized how strong of a person I am

My husband and I have been so close through this process

I realized how much I want to be a mom

I value every moment I spend with my neices and nephews

The bad:
I cry all of the time

I hate the two week stages

I am so jealous when other announce they are pg or have babies

The ugly:
My fears of never having a baby

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The Good:
- DH and I have gotten closer.
- I have a tremendous support team of friends, family and co-workers.
- IF is nothing to be embarassed about, I'm very open about it.
- I know that I'm not alone in this.
- I'm getting a real education about fertility and my body.
- The ladies on this board are fantastic and wonderful and extremely supportive.
- DH has a better appreciation on what I'm willing to put my body through to have our baby.
- My inner strength is growing stronger as I go through this journey.

The Bad:
- Sometimes I feel that God is punishing me for a past mistake.
- That I have only 1 working tube.
- That I have go through this at all to have a baby.
- The expenses.
- People telling me to just relax and not think about getting pregnant, then it will happen.
- My emotions.
- Thinking that I will never be able to get pregnant.
- Depression.
- The crying.
- I can't watch the news because there is always a story of a baby being killed by their parent/s.

The Ugly:
- I'm starting to doubt my faith in God.
- I got very depressed when I found out that my unmarried 21 year old cousin got pregnant and me who has tried to do everything the right way can't get pregnant.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The Good:

- a restored faith in myself
- falling in love with DH all over again.
- support of family
- seeing my child's heartbeat on my late father's birthday
- new found friendships

The Bad:

- a diagnosis resulting in surgery in order to get pregnant.
- the disappointment of failed IUIs
- doubting myself and my caregivers based on info read and received on the internet that was not applicable to me and thus drove me nuts
- not being able to enjoy a healthy pregnancy


The Ugly:

-Two miscarriages and having an exam while bleeding.

Message edited 3/18/2008 9:18:02 PM.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The Good:
Learning how wonderful DH truly is
Learning how strong I can be if necessary
Knowing that if it hadn't worked DH and I would have been okay with it
Loving my friends babies as much if not more than if I had my own.
Becoming my own medical advocate

The Bad:
Transfer after transfer after transfer
Crappy RE's who wasted my valuable time
Crying jags for no reason at all
Hating myself for being "damaged goods"
Lack of sex for weeks at a time

The Ugly:
Four days in the hospital for OHSS
Having stomach drained
Chemical pregnancies
Surgery

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The Good:
Finding LIF through a google of my first RE
The true and lasting friendships I have made through this board
Surviving the stress this puts on a marriage and coming out stonger
Appreciating my DS every moment

The Bad:
The expense, emotional and financial
Dark days of depression
The unknown effects of these drugs
Not being able to give DS a sibling


The Ugly:
Jealousy
Worrying that I am killing myself with all the drugs, and will leave my DS not only an only child, but a motherless only child because of it.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The Good:

DH & I have a deeper relationship and fully realized how much we can depend on each other

Have wonderful support group from the girls on here

Learned a whole lot about my body that I never knew!!

Has given me a new perspective on my relationships with the children I do have in my life (nieces, nephews, friend's kids)

The Bad:

Wanting to cry when something baby related comes on tv, etc.
Thinking that me & DH end here-hard to explain (like "we" won't be carried on by children)
Trying to stay strong & plan my sister's baby shower for next month!!
People saying just relax and it will happen

The Ugly:

Feeling like I'm less of a woman

Message edited 3/14/2008 1:45:08 PM.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

Good
DH and I are a lot closer (we actually communicate now)
Finding this website and all of you
Finding strength I didn't know existed inside me
Finding out that I really want children (when I used to avoid them)
Finding faith
Learning about the human reproductive system and how amazing it is
Appreciating my family


Bad
Constantly telling myself i'm OK
jealousy
Depression
The quiet empty house
Having to deal with everyones advice, I know they mean well but it's annoying
Doctors who waisted my time
Finding out I have a T-shaped Uterus and that my Mom may have been given DES (all the health related issues that I have read)

Ugly
M/C and always feeling like I did something to cause it even though I know I didn't
The ultimate fear that it will never happen
Fear of what these drugs will do in the future

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

This is a great post!

The Good:
Seeing how truly amazing and supportive my DH is, not that I didn't already know but it's totally different.
Having wonderful family and friends there to support me and let me talk when I need to.
Learning and understanding so much about what it takes to make and have a baby.
Being open about things and finding out how many others are in the same position as me.
Finding the inner strength to be positive, month after month.
Knowing for sure that DH and I want a baby more than we could have ever imagined and will be great parents together.
Yoga!

The Bad:
Living in two week increments, desperately trying to ignore what DPO it is and wishing away two weeks of my life at a time(what a waste)
Having to answer "nothing exciting" when a friend innocently asks "what's new?" in a hopeful tone.
Dealing w/ insurance
Scheduled BDing
People who tell me, "in time" or when it's "meant to be".


The Ugly:
The pangs of jealousy I feel when I hear someone else is pregnant or just had a baby.
The crying, depression, weight gain and desperation.

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The good
My miracle DD that we had been told would never be here. Being her mom is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I feel like I am a much better mom for going through IF I value every single second with my child.
FInding you all and your support.
I have become so knowledgeable about my body and am truly able to be an advocate for myself.
The bad
that ttc #2 is even harder than #1 and we have no insurance coverage for it as we had with dd. With DD we both had ivf coverage and luckily did not need it. Now its only DH and he has no coverage so we will be taking a loan for ivf.
all of the people I know who got pg by "surprise" or didn't know they were pg until they were 8 or 9 weeks. Are you serious?
Living in 2 week intervals.
Scheduled bding kills us in the romance dept.
The ugly.
All of the stupid comments- are you SURE you need ivf? Just relax it will happen? Are you pg yet? That is my favorite- STFU already.
CD1- need I say more?

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

I absolutely hate women who think they can get pg at the drop of a hat (or pants!).

In the last few weeks I have heard a 40 year old & 46 year old (yes 46!) say "well, we are thinking about having a baby." ***!!! Are you serious?

Re: Because of IF________. The good, bad and ugly

The Good:
- I truly appreciate the relationships that I have with my neice and nephews.
- I have found my strength in me than I ever thought I had (including after 9/11- which was the last time I found a different type of strength that I didn't know I had).
- DH and I are definitely closer as a result of IF.
- I am my own best advocate when it comes to my body.
- I know we will be that much better as parents because we'll truly appreciate the miracle that will be given to us in having children.
- Pretty much everything else everyone above me has posted.
- Having a tremendous support team in all of you.

The Bad:
- There are some days I just can't get out of bed... and others when I manage to that I get right back in when something sad happens.
- I can't look at other people's children w/o tearing up.
- When I hear others are pg my heart sinks, especially those that haven't really been trying (for the most part).
- I am extremely jealous of certain people that I don't believe deserve to be parents.
- I avoid family events (mainly baby showers and christenings/baptisms) because I can't take the pain
- I try to stay away from people that I know are pregnant or new parents b/c I can't bring myself to hold those conversations right now.
- Again pretty much everything that was mentioned in above posts.


The Ugly:
- I cry at the drop of a hat
- Me on provera
- The day AF shows.
- Most days, I feel like I'm a shadow of who I used to be.

Message edited 3/17/2008 11:41:34 PM.