Are these feelings normal, or is it time I look for help?

This is hard to post. My DS is 4 months old and I still don't feel "comfortable" being a mommy. I don't feel confident in my abilities as a mom (and I ALWAYS thought I'd be a great mom) and I just don't think I have the "feeling" that I'm supposed to have. I don't feel like my adorable DS and I have bonded and I don't know why. Sometimes I think i've become an anxious person and I question everything and anything. I cannot relax around my child. I have tremendous guilt about leaving him at 8 weeks to go to work bc i had to and so when I'm with him, I can't relax, I jsut feel like I can't be myself. I'm always trying too hard if that makes sense.

My DS hardly smiles at me and it crushes me. All my DH has to do is say hi to my DS and he's all smiles. I stayed home with him 6 days in a row bc he was sick and finally had a day alone with him (DH was at work) and i got some smiles and laughs but yesterday when I got home, DS would barely look at me, no eye contact

I have this fear that my baby won't be securely attached to me and that our relationship is doomed. I plan on working PT or being a SAHM in October but I worry that Oct will be too late. I sometimes think this goes way back to when I was pregnant. I didn't feel connected to my baby then either. I was just so scared and unprepared to deal with this new aspect of my identity. I can't help but think my DS felt my distance in utero and that this has something to do with it.

Sometimes I think that I need help, like seeing a psychologist (ironically, I am one). And wonder if maybe I need to find like a child specialist to work with me and my DS. My DH thinks I'm overreacting but this just doesn't feel right. I feel like something is wrong with me. I love my DS but I'm scared he doesn't know how much.

Are my feelings completely crazy? I'm at a loss for how to handle this.

Re: Are these feelings normal, or is it time I look for help?

have you gone back to work recently? I felt such a disconnect to my baby, esp after I went back to work. I felt like he wasn't happy to see me, and I was so exhausted at the end of the day, I didn't give him my all either. once he hit around 6 months, he had such a little personality things started to change. so much so, that I wound up staying home with him bc I missed him soooooooooooo much! it was hard for me to connect with him while he was a newborn esp since I was away from him all day. Now we have such a bond it's hard to believe i felt that way when he was a newborn

Re: Are these feelings normal, or is it time I look for help?

first of all...

the amount of love you have for your son is APPARENT in what you said - so please know first off....you should not question your love for him.

i honestly think that no matter what anyone tells you on this thread, you are going to feel better after talking with a doctor about this. we can tell you until you are blue in the face, i felt this way, i still feel that way...but until someone with MD, or any other valid initials (don't know much about medicine in that respect) after their name says that you are alright, or you need help.....you won't feel BETTER.

Taking care of yourself is priority and if you feel deep down that something isn't right, don't let anyone make you feel that it is.... It cannot hurt to see a doctor and have them tell you it's normal (or not normal).

Re: Are these feelings normal, or is it time I look for help?

Is it wrong to ask what you would tell a patient asking the same question? I personally am someone who thinks you should rely on your gut and if you feel that something just isn't right then what would it hurt to talk tp someone. At the very least ot may make you feel better and put you at ease so you can be yourself. As for DS' response to you, I believe kids/babies sense everything and he may be able to sense that you just don't feel right. My DH was going thru a hard time at work and he was very unhappy, as much as he tried not to, he brought that home with him and DS was very distant from him at that time. I finally had to tell DH he semses your mood, he is feeding off you. Once he realized that it made all the difference it the world. HTH!

Re: Are these feelings normal, or is it time I look for help?

talk to someone.

Re: Are these feelings normal, or is it time I look for help?

I do think you shoud talk to someone. I am not saying those feelings aren't common because I think they are. However-it can't hurt to get a professional opinion. You also mentioned anxiety...

I can tell you when I first brought my babies home I was SO unprepared for what would go on. I was pumping and waking up all night. I was exhausted and overwhelmed. Being a Mom is hard

Re: Are these feelings normal, or is it time I look for help?

I think that a good portion of what you are feeling is totally normal. Being in the mental health field it is probably a bit of a job hazard that you over analyze all these things and make them worse. If your gut is telling you to talk to someone do it. It never hurts to have someone to talk to who isn't part of your everyday life.