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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3986 total posts
Name:
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WfH and childcare
How would you address the fact that a manager that you work with consistently but do not report to is constantly watching their child (under 1) while working.
Kid strapped to the chest during zoom calls, constantly being interrupted during meetings due to having to check on the child. I try to be non judgemental but this is going on for months now. I feel a lot of the times what could have been a 5 min meeting now takes 30+ min because of this or discussions are pushed off.
It's starting to feel like work and discussions are around the baby's sleeping, eating etc schedule and it has on some occasions caused me to work late and/or pick up more of the work load. I am starting to feel resentful and I hate working with this person because I just find it so unprofessional. My review is coming up and a part of me feels like I should address it during it.
My direct manager knows I do not like working with this individual and I have already told him if I was ever to report this person I would quit. I LOVE working with my direct manager but he ultimately does not have final say on my workload. Do I say anything or just shut up.
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Posted 11/15/22 3:48 PM  |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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WfH and childcare
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
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| Posted 11/15/22 3:59 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
How old is the baby? I am assuming it's fairly young if she is still strapping it to her chest. Are the people that she reports to aware of this situation and okay with it? If they are then I would probably not say anything, but there are so many factors to consider.
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| Posted 11/15/22 4:06 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3986 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by lululu
How old is the baby? I am assuming it's fairly young if she is still strapping it to her chest. Are the people that she reports to aware of this situation and okay with it? If they are then I would probably not say anything, but there are so many factors to consider.
5 months old. Not sure what the extent the Senior manager is aware of on the team. I just know I am not sticking around if this continues.
Message edited 11/15/2022 5:42:32 PM.
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| Posted 11/15/22 5:17 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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WfH and childcare
Ugh - WFH and childcare is a huge peeve of mine - my coworker can’t come into the office as she can’t afford childcare and it drives me crazy. The fact that she has 2 toddlers home with her drives me crazy and it’s starting to impact me as she’s not doing her work correctly or in a timely fashion.
I would start noting the extra workload you are taking on and the extra hours you are working. Maybe mention it to your mgr lightly at your review as it is bothering you and they know you don’t like this individual but start documenting everything.
I have to think if it’s as unproductive as you say - that others are noticing it and are frustrated too.
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| Posted 11/15/22 9:44 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by lululu
How old is the baby? I am assuming it's fairly young if she is still strapping it to her chest. Are the people that she reports to aware of this situation and okay with it? If they are then I would probably not say anything, but there are so many factors to consider.
5 months old. Not sure what the extent the Senior manager is aware of on the team. I just know I am not sticking around if this continues.
If you are seriously considering leaving your job over it, you owe it to your manager to bring it up. As a manager, I wouldn't want an employee of mine to quit over something like this without bringing to my attention that it was bothering them. You are a valuable employee I'm sure.
This is why working from home can't work forever in my opinion. Too many people talking advantage at the expense of the honest, hard working ones.
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| Posted 11/15/22 10:18 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3986 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by LuckyStar
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
I do have a child. I get that it's nice to have flexibility to wfh however we have a standard meeting same 2 days/time every week and 80% of the time it gets moved because they are busy feeding their child or the baby just woke up from a nap......meanwhile I end up missing out on picking up my child during what should be my lunch break or having to skip lunch when it's more convenient for him. I've had him keep me on the phone until 9pm to meet a deadline because he kept pushing our meetings off so he can tend to his baby and then had to run out to pick up his other kid from daycare. His wife also wfh and he has even used the excuse that she has a work call so he is not avail.
Its just making me angrier the more I write about this.
Message edited 11/15/2022 10:49:23 PM.
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| Posted 11/15/22 10:48 PM |
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klingklang77
kraftwerk!
Member since 7/06 11486 total posts
Name:
Völlig losgelöst
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
I do have a child. I get that it's nice to have flexibility to wfh however we have a standard meeting same 2 days/time every week and 80% of the time it gets moved because they are busy feeding their child or the baby just woke up from a nap......meanwhile I end up missing out on picking up my child during what should be my lunch break or having to skip lunch when it's more convenient for him. I've had him keep me on the phone until 9pm to meet a deadline because he kept pushing our meetings off so he can tend to his baby and then had to run out to pick up his other kid from daycare. His wife also wfh and he has even used the excuse that she has a work call so he is not avail.
Its just making me angrier the more I write about this.
I would just stop being available during those times. Say no. You are rearranging your reasonable time schedule to his unreasonable time schedule. It’s extremely unfair that he is switching the schedule at the last minute it seems.
And if you aren’t meeting deadlines because of his lack of organization, then that is a HIM problem, not a YOU problem. I’d talk to your direct manager about this and start writing down and filing emails in which times are changed because of his disorganization.
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| Posted 11/16/22 5:05 AM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1063 total posts
Name:
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WfH and childcare
I agree with other people. I think you should say something. If you can't get your work done because of him, it needs to be brought up. I guess start with him first. If he's not responsive, then say somethiing to your manager.
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| Posted 11/16/22 7:51 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17789 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
I do have a child. I get that it's nice to have flexibility to wfh however we have a standard meeting same 2 days/time every week and 80% of the time it gets moved because they are busy feeding their child or the baby just woke up from a nap......meanwhile I end up missing out on picking up my child during what should be my lunch break or having to skip lunch when it's more convenient for him. I've had him keep me on the phone until 9pm to meet a deadline because he kept pushing our meetings off so he can tend to his baby and then had to run out to pick up his other kid from daycare. His wife also wfh and he has even used the excuse that she has a work call so he is not avail.
Its just making me angrier the more I write about this.
I would tell him that those times don't work for you.
That's odd that he has one child in daycare but not both.
I would say something and definitely document the instances when you are missing lunch and working late. I had to do that at a previous job - someone was dumping all of their work onto me. Some managers realized it and it was brought up to my manager. She didn't handle it appropriately but her boss found out what she did and it was rectified.
Message edited 11/16/2022 8:34:06 AM.
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| Posted 11/16/22 8:32 AM |
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lpg21
LIF Infant
Member since 9/21 341 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
I am just finding it odd that whoever he reports to has not said something about this, or do they not know about it? I would not let his life dictate your schedule. I would still build in the times that you need to be free, for lunch and picking up your kid, you shouldn't be bending your schedule around him.
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| Posted 11/16/22 8:34 AM |
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Re: WfH and childcare
Not right and where is this person's boss to allow this?
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| Posted 11/16/22 9:38 AM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7983 total posts
Name:
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WfH and childcare
if you say something to your manager make sure you document this in an email.
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| Posted 11/16/22 9:39 AM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
I do have a child. I get that it's nice to have flexibility to wfh however we have a standard meeting same 2 days/time every week and 80% of the time it gets moved because they are busy feeding their child or the baby just woke up from a nap......meanwhile I end up missing out on picking up my child during what should be my lunch break or having to skip lunch when it's more convenient for him. I've had him keep me on the phone until 9pm to meet a deadline because he kept pushing our meetings off so he can tend to his baby and then had to run out to pick up his other kid from daycare. His wife also wfh and he has even used the excuse that she has a work call so he is not avail.
Its just making me angrier the more I write about this.
Ok no, that’s too much. I think the first thing I would do is try to figure out if this is a temporary situation. If he’s in some sort of bind because a sitter quit or a grandparent is sick or something I wouldn’t make a stink. But if this is a permanent situation then I would say something to your direct manager and brainstorm next steps.
But temporary or not, I would not let him keep you on the phone until 9pm again. You let it go once, which was very nice of you, but I wouldn’t let it go again! I’d also say you’re unavailable if he proposes a meeting at the say time you need to pick your child up and tell him exactly why.
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| Posted 11/16/22 9:56 AM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3986 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
I do have a child. I get that it's nice to have flexibility to wfh however we have a standard meeting same 2 days/time every week and 80% of the time it gets moved because they are busy feeding their child or the baby just woke up from a nap......meanwhile I end up missing out on picking up my child during what should be my lunch break or having to skip lunch when it's more convenient for him. I've had him keep me on the phone until 9pm to meet a deadline because he kept pushing our meetings off so he can tend to his baby and then had to run out to pick up his other kid from daycare. His wife also wfh and he has even used the excuse that she has a work call so he is not avail.
Its just making me angrier the more I write about this.
Ok no, that’s too much. I think the first thing I would do is try to figure out if this is a temporary situation. If he’s in some sort of bind because a sitter quit or a grandparent is sick or something I wouldn’t make a stink. But if this is a permanent situation then I would say something to your direct manager and brainstorm next steps.
But temporary or not, I would not let him keep you on the phone until 9pm again. You let it go once, which was very nice of you, but I wouldn’t let it go again! I’d also say you’re unavailable if he proposes a meeting at the say time you need to pick your child up and tell him exactly why.
Sitter did not quit. His MIL was there with his wife for a few weeks and then went home. His other son is in daycare so not really sure what the deal is why this one isn't getting sent there either. I had my daughter in daycare at 3 months and still to this day make sure I have someone to watch her when I am working.
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| Posted 11/16/22 2:08 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
I do have a child. I get that it's nice to have flexibility to wfh however we have a standard meeting same 2 days/time every week and 80% of the time it gets moved because they are busy feeding their child or the baby just woke up from a nap......meanwhile I end up missing out on picking up my child during what should be my lunch break or having to skip lunch when it's more convenient for him. I've had him keep me on the phone until 9pm to meet a deadline because he kept pushing our meetings off so he can tend to his baby and then had to run out to pick up his other kid from daycare. His wife also wfh and he has even used the excuse that she has a work call so he is not avail.
Its just making me angrier the more I write about this.
Ok no, that’s too much. I think the first thing I would do is try to figure out if this is a temporary situation. If he’s in some sort of bind because a sitter quit or a grandparent is sick or something I wouldn’t make a stink. But if this is a permanent situation then I would say something to your direct manager and brainstorm next steps.
But temporary or not, I would not let him keep you on the phone until 9pm again. You let it go once, which was very nice of you, but I wouldn’t let it go again! I’d also say you’re unavailable if he proposes a meeting at the say time you need to pick your child up and tell him exactly why.
Sitter did not quit. His MIL was there with his wife for a few weeks and then went home. His other son is in daycare so not really sure what the deal is why this one isn't getting sent there either. I had my daughter in daycare at 3 months and still to this day make sure I have someone to watch her when I am working.
They probably don't want to have to pay for 2 in daycare. Boo effing hoo.
Maybe Elon Musk needs to come take over there
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| Posted 11/16/22 2:28 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
I do have a child. I get that it's nice to have flexibility to wfh however we have a standard meeting same 2 days/time every week and 80% of the time it gets moved because they are busy feeding their child or the baby just woke up from a nap......meanwhile I end up missing out on picking up my child during what should be my lunch break or having to skip lunch when it's more convenient for him. I've had him keep me on the phone until 9pm to meet a deadline because he kept pushing our meetings off so he can tend to his baby and then had to run out to pick up his other kid from daycare. His wife also wfh and he has even used the excuse that she has a work call so he is not avail.
Its just making me angrier the more I write about this.
Ok no, that’s too much. I think the first thing I would do is try to figure out if this is a temporary situation. If he’s in some sort of bind because a sitter quit or a grandparent is sick or something I wouldn’t make a stink. But if this is a permanent situation then I would say something to your direct manager and brainstorm next steps.
But temporary or not, I would not let him keep you on the phone until 9pm again. You let it go once, which was very nice of you, but I wouldn’t let it go again! I’d also say you’re unavailable if he proposes a meeting at the say time you need to pick your child up and tell him exactly why.
Sitter did not quit. His MIL was there with his wife for a few weeks and then went home. His other son is in daycare so not really sure what the deal is why this one isn't getting sent there either. I had my daughter in daycare at 3 months and still to this day make sure I have someone to watch her when I am working.
Well, he is doing this because he CAN. But if you are the one that puts a stop to this situation I would expect there to be some animosity on his part. If he is the type to take advantage of a work situation like this, he is the type to hold a grudge too I bet. Not that that should stop you but I would think carefully about the best way to approach the situation. If he is reasonable maybe you can explain to him the strain that his situation is putting on you and come up with a solution.
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| Posted 11/16/22 2:59 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3986 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by lululu
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by RainyDay
Posted by LuckyStar
If this is a manager I wouldn’t say anything. Do you have kids? If so, I would make sure you get the same treatment and do as you please with your schedule as it pertains to your child. Block off your calendar for pickup/drop off/school activities, etc and don’t bat an eye.
I do have a child. I get that it's nice to have flexibility to wfh however we have a standard meeting same 2 days/time every week and 80% of the time it gets moved because they are busy feeding their child or the baby just woke up from a nap......meanwhile I end up missing out on picking up my child during what should be my lunch break or having to skip lunch when it's more convenient for him. I've had him keep me on the phone until 9pm to meet a deadline because he kept pushing our meetings off so he can tend to his baby and then had to run out to pick up his other kid from daycare. His wife also wfh and he has even used the excuse that she has a work call so he is not avail.
Its just making me angrier the more I write about this.
Ok no, that’s too much. I think the first thing I would do is try to figure out if this is a temporary situation. If he’s in some sort of bind because a sitter quit or a grandparent is sick or something I wouldn’t make a stink. But if this is a permanent situation then I would say something to your direct manager and brainstorm next steps.
But temporary or not, I would not let him keep you on the phone until 9pm again. You let it go once, which was very nice of you, but I wouldn’t let it go again! I’d also say you’re unavailable if he proposes a meeting at the say time you need to pick your child up and tell him exactly why.
Sitter did not quit. His MIL was there with his wife for a few weeks and then went home. His other son is in daycare so not really sure what the deal is why this one isn't getting sent there either. I had my daughter in daycare at 3 months and still to this day make sure I have someone to watch her when I am working.
Well, he is doing this because he CAN. But if you are the one that puts a stop to this situation I would expect there to be some animosity on his part. If he is the type to take advantage of a work situation like this, he is the type to hold a grudge too I bet. Not that that should stop you but I would think carefully about the best way to approach the situation. If he is reasonable maybe you can explain to him the strain that his situation is putting on you and come up with a solution.
I do not report to him and he is new to the company. I don't give a shit what he thinks of me but more concerned how it may come off to higher ups if I make a complaint. Do I seem petty.
Message edited 11/16/2022 3:03:59 PM.
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| Posted 11/16/22 3:02 PM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1063 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by RainyDay
I do not report to him and he is new to the company. I don't give a shit what he thinks of me but more concerned how it may come off to higher ups if I make a complaint. Do I seem petty.
No, I don't think it makes you look petty. I would be honest with my manager and say something like, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've had to work later in order to meet my deadlines. I just wanted to explain why. For the past xx months, YY has been unavailable at certain times. Therefore, it takes longer for me to get the info from him. Etc., Etc."
Maybe don't mention the baby right away. But, maybe say something like "I don't know if it's his new baby, but he's definitely distracted and/or unavailable. I don't really care what he does, but it is affecting my productivity, and so that's why I'm bringing this up." Or something to that effect.
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| Posted 11/16/22 3:12 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9508 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by nycbuslady
Posted by RainyDay
I do not report to him and he is new to the company. I don't give a shit what he thinks of me but more concerned how it may come off to higher ups if I make a complaint. Do I seem petty.
No, I don't think it makes you look petty. I would be honest with my manager and say something like, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've had to work later in order to meet my deadlines. I just wanted to explain why. For the past xx months, YY has been unavailable at certain times. Therefore, it takes longer for me to get the info from him. Etc., Etc."
Maybe don't mention the baby right away. But, maybe say something like "I don't know if it's his new baby, but he's definitely distracted and/or unavailable. I don't really care what he does, but it is affecting my productivity, and so that's why I'm bringing this up." Or something to that effect.
Agree with everything said above.
That's crazy he is new and behaves this way....
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| Posted 11/16/22 3:19 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7272 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by nycbuslady
Posted by RainyDay
I do not report to him and he is new to the company. I don't give a shit what he thinks of me but more concerned how it may come off to higher ups if I make a complaint. Do I seem petty.
No, I don't think it makes you look petty. I would be honest with my manager and say something like, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've had to work later in order to meet my deadlines. I just wanted to explain why. For the past xx months, YY has been unavailable at certain times. Therefore, it takes longer for me to get the info from him. Etc., Etc."
Maybe don't mention the baby right away. But, maybe say something like "I don't know if it's his new baby, but he's definitely distracted and/or unavailable. I don't really care what he does, but it is affecting my productivity, and so that's why I'm bringing this up." Or something to that effect.
I wouldn’t mention the baby at all. I understand he isn’t your direct manager, but I would tread carefully because if he is in a position where he has influence over policies and is called out for his behavior, he may turn around and make it so no one has any flexibility anymore.
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| Posted 11/16/22 5:19 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3986 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by LuckyStar
Posted by nycbuslady
Posted by RainyDay
I do not report to him and he is new to the company. I don't give a shit what he thinks of me but more concerned how it may come off to higher ups if I make a complaint. Do I seem petty.
No, I don't think it makes you look petty. I would be honest with my manager and say something like, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I've had to work later in order to meet my deadlines. I just wanted to explain why. For the past xx months, YY has been unavailable at certain times. Therefore, it takes longer for me to get the info from him. Etc., Etc."
Maybe don't mention the baby right away. But, maybe say something like "I don't know if it's his new baby, but he's definitely distracted and/or unavailable. I don't really care what he does, but it is affecting my productivity, and so that's why I'm bringing this up." Or something to that effect.
I wouldn’t mention the baby at all. I understand he isn’t your direct manager, but I would tread carefully because if he is in a position where he has influence over policies and is called out for his behavior, he may turn around and make it so no one has any flexibility anymore.
He has no influence over policy. We just merged with a larger Corp and although he's a manager he doesn't have that authority.
The more I have been thinking about it, I won't say anything at the moment. I'll hold off to see if hopefully it fixes itself. I will be standing my ground when it comes time to meetings being pushed off and working later.
Message edited 11/17/2022 10:56:13 AM.
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| Posted 11/17/22 10:53 AM |
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Bebelove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/12 742 total posts
Name:
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Re: WfH and childcare
Things have certainly changed since I stopped working when Covid hit! I can’t believe the amount of people who have been home for 3 years and have not had to pay for child care or leave their babies. I’m honestly a bit jealous, I had to leave my LO and pay 30k a year for daycare ! Sheesh , the only reason I am with DC now is because I resigned !
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| Posted 11/21/22 3:19 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by Bebelove
Things have certainly changed since I stopped working when Covid hit! I can’t believe the amount of people who have been home for 3 years and have not had to pay for child care or leave their babies. I’m honestly a bit jealous, I had to leave my LO and pay 30k a year for daycare ! Sheesh , the only reason I am with DC now is because I resigned !
I think that is the frustration the OP has with this situation. This person who "doesn't have to leave their baby or pay for childcare" is dropping the ball at their job because of it and causing her and others more work in the process.
It really isn't fair.
Caring for a baby is a full time job. You can't expect your job to pay you for 40 hours of work when you are not fully focused on your job due to caring for an infant.
Message edited 11/21/2022 8:22:03 AM.
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| Posted 11/21/22 8:20 AM |
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Re: WfH and childcare
Posted by Bebelove
Things have certainly changed since I stopped working when Covid hit! I can’t believe the amount of people who have been home for 3 years and have not had to pay for child care or leave their babies. I’m honestly a bit jealous, I had to leave my LO and pay 30k a year for daycare ! Sheesh , the only reason I am with DC now is because I resigned !
Ditto what Nell said below.
You paid $2,500 a MONTH for childcare? That is absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't even have been able to work as I don't think I was even making that much when my kids were in daycare. I think I was paying like $193/week the last year I was and my company kicked in 25% to help employees out.
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| Posted 11/21/22 8:39 AM |
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