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What would you do …

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MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

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Me

Re: What would you do …

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by MrsA1012

To clarify again, she has NO plans to EVER sell this house. It would pass to me via inheritance when she passes one day, as I am on the deed. My worry is that if I go off the deed I won’t get an inheritance. The value of this home is well north of seven figures. We aren’t talking about a trivial amount of money.



I think you would get the house when she passes whether or not your name is on the deed, no? Unless she leaves it to someone else in her will?

While the situation does sound odd, ultimately she agreed to this at one point and that’s her problem to deal with now.

ETA I think it’s odd (or maybe sneaky) that your dad was dead set on you getting an inheritance- from your mother’s assets.

It would go to me I were off the deed and she passed without writing a will , but if she wrote a will and left it to someone else it would not. I don’t think she’d do that , however , she’s been erratic and hostile towards me over the past few years so you never know for sure. My dad, I guess ,just wanted me to be on it for security reasons. My mom didn’t object at the time so …

Posted 2/21/22 8:34 PM
 
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TTCwithHope
LIF Infant

Member since 4/10

286 total posts

Name:
M

Re: What would you do …

Please please do not take your name off the deed. I literally can’t disclose my experience with this due to legal issues, but if you remove your name you will regret it one day, DO NOT do it. When the time comes you can decide what you want to do with the money but don’t give up your rights to be involved in the decision. Don’t let her harass you into it. She will try to manipulate you, don’t allow this toxicity into your life, regardless of who it it. Something is fishy here and you should honor your father’s choice, he did this for a reason. Don’t be afraid to consult a lawyer.

Posted 2/21/22 10:05 PM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

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Me

Re: What would you do …

Posted by TTCwithHope

Please please do not take your name off the deed. I literally can’t disclose my experience with this due to legal issues, but if you remove your name you will regret it one day, DO NOT do it. When the time comes you can decide what you want to do with the money but don’t give up your rights to be involved in the decision. Don’t let her harass you into it. She will try to manipulate you, don’t allow this toxicity into your life, regardless of who it it. Something is fishy here and you should honor your father’s choice, he did this for a reason. Don’t be afraid to consult a lawyer.

Thank you for sharing this. I have NO intention of going off the deed. I have to protect my / my daughter’s inheritance. She’s definitely bullying me and pressuring me hardcore and it doesn’t even make sense because I know she will never sell the house, so this has no impact on her life anyway. It’s just about control .

Posted 2/21/22 10:46 PM
 

missingmydaddy
LIF Zygote

Member since 2/22

4 total posts

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Re: What would you do …

Tell your mom that you respectfully decline to remove your name as you've been given your father's previous share of the home.

If the relationship is strained now, it will continue to be strained even if you give in to her request. It'll change to something else in the future.

Posted 2/22/22 6:38 AM
 

SLPRunner
LIF Adult

Member since 12/13

1101 total posts

Name:

What would you do …

Does your mom have a will? Whether your name is on the deed or not you would inherit the property when she dies. It is a little more complicated in that situation but you would end up with the house. I went through a situation like that when my mom died except that I had to argue with 2 siblings. I’m sorry that you are being put in this situation.

Posted 2/22/22 6:51 AM
 

RomeyT
LIF Infant

Member since 1/21

338 total posts

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Re: What would you do …

Posted by TTCwithHope

Please please do not take your name off the deed. I literally can’t disclose my experience with this due to legal issues, but if you remove your name you will regret it one day, DO NOT do it. When the time comes you can decide what you want to do with the money but don’t give up your rights to be involved in the decision. Don’t let her harass you into it. She will try to manipulate you, don’t allow this toxicity into your life, regardless of who it it. Something is fishy here and you should honor your father’s choice, he did this for a reason. Don’t be afraid to consult a lawyer.



This 100%. My husband is in a very similar situation and has come close to caving to his Mom’s pressures but thankfully hasn’t. Protect your future and stay on the deed. As others have said here your father made this arrangement for a reason.

Posted 2/22/22 7:42 AM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5774 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: What would you do …

Posted by SLPRunner

Does your mom have a will? Whether your name is on the deed or not you would inherit the property when she dies. It is a little more complicated in that situation but you would end up with the house. I went through a situation like that when my mom died except that I had to argue with 2 siblings. I’m sorry that you are being put in this situation.

She doesn’t but I’m afraid that it I were off the deed she could threaten to make one ( a will ) leaving the house to someone else. Like I said , things have been strained the last few years and I could see her holding this over my head during a disagreement.

Posted 2/22/22 9:05 AM
 

Katareen
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Katherine

Re: What would you do …

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by KarenK122

I don't think you should have been on the house to begin with and that was sneaky on your father's part. If he wanted you to have an inheritance there are other ways to have done it. I personally do not think you are entitled to the house and if your mother is the one paying all the bills and the mortgage, just take yourself off. Why cause friction over something that is not yours.

. Because money equals survival and I’m not going to take an amount north of Seven figures away from my child. I’m not insane.



But it’s not YOUR money or YOUR house. Nobody is entitled to inheritance, and your child is not your mother’s responsibility.

Both of your parents are ridiculous and immature and put their teenage child in the middle of their divorce. And now you are acting the same way.

Posted 2/22/22 9:34 AM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5774 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: What would you do …

Posted by Katareen

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by KarenK122

I don't think you should have been on the house to begin with and that was sneaky on your father's part. If he wanted you to have an inheritance there are other ways to have done it. I personally do not think you are entitled to the house and if your mother is the one paying all the bills and the mortgage, just take yourself off. Why cause friction over something that is not yours.

. Because money equals survival and I’m not going to take an amount north of Seven figures away from my child. I’m not insane.



But it’s not YOUR money or YOUR house. Nobody is entitled to inheritance, and your child is not your mother’s responsibility.

Both of your parents are ridiculous and immature and put their teenage child in the middle of their divorce. And now you are acting the same way.

If you want to give up a multi million dollar inheritance that’s legally yours , good for you. If you want to take a life changing amount of money away from your kid, also good for you. I,on the other, hand have brain cells and don’t live in a fantasy world where money doesn’t matter, so I will be making a different choice.

Posted 2/22/22 10:03 AM
 

SLPRunner
LIF Adult

Member since 12/13

1101 total posts

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Re: What would you do …

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by SLPRunner

Does your mom have a will? Whether your name is on the deed or not you would inherit the property when she dies. It is a little more complicated in that situation but you would end up with the house. I went through a situation like that when my mom died except that I had to argue with 2 siblings. I’m sorry that you are being put in this situation.

She doesn’t but I’m afraid that it I were off the deed she could threaten to make one ( a will ) leaving the house to someone else. Like I said , things have been strained the last few years and I could see her holding this over my head during a disagreement.



If there is THAT much money up for grabs with the house I would go consult an attorney about your rights on this situation. That may ultimately may make things more contentious with your mom but at least you will know your rights and how you can potentially protect your rights to any future proceeds from the sale of the house. An estate attorney is who would wan to find.

Posted 2/22/22 10:15 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9361 total posts

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Re: What would you do …

It sounds like your mom is unstable. If you are an only child and you are worried about not getting an inheritance something already seems off. I would not take yourself off the deed.

Posted 2/22/22 10:17 AM
 

blu6385

Member since 5/08

8349 total posts

Name:

Re: What would you do …

Posted by Katareen

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by KarenK122

I don't think you should have been on the house to begin with and that was sneaky on your father's part. If he wanted you to have an inheritance there are other ways to have done it. I personally do not think you are entitled to the house and if your mother is the one paying all the bills and the mortgage, just take yourself off. Why cause friction over something that is not yours.

. Because money equals survival and I’m not going to take an amount north of Seven figures away from my child. I’m not insane.



But it’s not YOUR money or YOUR house. Nobody is entitled to inheritance, and your child is not your mother’s responsibility.

Both of your parents are ridiculous and immature and put their teenage child in the middle of their divorce. And now you are acting the same way.




We don’t know the divorce agreement. But typically assets are supposed to be split. So if the decision was instead of buying out the dad his fair share the decision was that the daughter be put on the deed so if she ever sold his half went to her I am not seeing what’s wrong with that.
The dad was entitled to half the house he chose to leave it to his daughter rather than take the money. Maybe he was doing mom the favor because she would have not been able to afford to buy him out so this was the solution.

Posted 2/22/22 10:18 AM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5774 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: What would you do …

Posted by SLPRunner

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by SLPRunner

Does your mom have a will? Whether your name is on the deed or not you would inherit the property when she dies. It is a little more complicated in that situation but you would end up with the house. I went through a situation like that when my mom died except that I had to argue with 2 siblings. I’m sorry that you are being put in this situation.

She doesn’t but I’m afraid that it I were off the deed she could threaten to make one ( a will ) leaving the house to someone else. Like I said , things have been strained the last few years and I could see her holding this over my head during a disagreement.

. I did. I was told to protect my inheritance by staying on. My only concern is that she is threatening to no longer speak to me / see me if I don’t sign off. While , we’ve had a lot of issues in recent years , she’s still my mom and I love her and don’t want things to be so contentious.

If there is THAT much money up for grabs with the house I would go consult an attorney about your rights on this situation. That may ultimately may make things more contentious with your mom but at least you will know your rights and how you can potentially protect your rights to any future proceeds from the sale of the house. An estate attorney is who would wan to find.

Posted 2/22/22 10:23 AM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5774 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: What would you do …

Posted by SLPRunner

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by SLPRunner

Does your mom have a will? Whether your name is on the deed or not you would inherit the property when she dies. It is a little more complicated in that situation but you would end up with the house. I went through a situation like that when my mom died except that I had to argue with 2 siblings. I’m sorry that you are being put in this situation.

She doesn’t but I’m afraid that it I were off the deed she could threaten to make one ( a will ) leaving the house to someone else. Like I said , things have been strained the last few years and I could see her holding this over my head during a disagreement.



If there is THAT much money up for grabs with the house I would go consult an attorney about your rights on this situation. That may ultimately may make things more contentious with your mom but at least you will know your rights and how you can potentially protect your rights to any future proceeds from the sale of the house. An estate attorney is who would wan to find.

. I did. I was told to stay on the deed to protect myself. My concern now is that she’s saying if I don’t remove myself she won’t see / speak to me again. While we’ve had a lot of ups and downs , I still love , she’s still my mom and her don’t want things to be so angry / contentious.

Message edited 2/22/2022 10:28:35 AM.

Posted 2/22/22 10:25 AM
 

klingklang77
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Member since 7/06

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Völlig losgelöst

Re: What would you do …

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by SLPRunner

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by SLPRunner

Does your mom have a will? Whether your name is on the deed or not you would inherit the property when she dies. It is a little more complicated in that situation but you would end up with the house. I went through a situation like that when my mom died except that I had to argue with 2 siblings. I’m sorry that you are being put in this situation.

She doesn’t but I’m afraid that it I were off the deed she could threaten to make one ( a will ) leaving the house to someone else. Like I said , things have been strained the last few years and I could see her holding this over my head during a disagreement.



If there is THAT much money up for grabs with the house I would go consult an attorney about your rights on this situation. That may ultimately may make things more contentious with your mom but at least you will know your rights and how you can potentially protect your rights to any future proceeds from the sale of the house. An estate attorney is who would wan to find.

. I did. I was told to stay on the deed to protect myself. My concern now is that she’s saying if I don’t remove myself she won’t see / speak to me again. While we’ve had a lot of ups and downs , I still love , she’s still my mom and her don’t want things to be so angry / contentious.



I get you still love your mom, etc.

However, she is being very manipulative here. I wouldn’t put it past her to take you out of the will or something.

Is your dad still alive? Even if he isn’t, I’m sure he. Would not not be pleased about it. It was a gift from YOUR dad. She can’t say “give me your dad’s gift” or I won’t talk to you. That’s like parental alienation for adults.

Leave your name on the deed and point out that she is being manipulative and say “if I take my name off, then I do not want to speak to someone who is manipulating me and trying to cause problems with my own father.”

Posted 2/22/22 10:38 AM
 

RomeyT
LIF Infant

Member since 1/21

338 total posts

Name:

Re: What would you do …

Posted by Katareen

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by KarenK122

I don't think you should have been on the house to begin with and that was sneaky on your father's part. If he wanted you to have an inheritance there are other ways to have done it. I personally do not think you are entitled to the house and if your mother is the one paying all the bills and the mortgage, just take yourself off. Why cause friction over something that is not yours.

. Because money equals survival and I’m not going to take an amount north of Seven figures away from my child. I’m not insane.



But it’s not YOUR money or YOUR house. Nobody is entitled to inheritance, and your child is not your mother’s responsibility.

Both of your parents are ridiculous and immature and put their teenage child in the middle of their divorce. And now you are acting the same way.




Expect that IS her house, as per the deed. And ultimately that Equates to an inheritance.

Posted 2/22/22 11:08 AM
 

lululu
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

9361 total posts

Name:

Re: What would you do …

Actually, I think that you should consult an attorney. You are on the deed of the house but are you on the title? Also, you should find out what rights being on the deed actually affords you. You may have less of a claim on the house than you think and taking your name off the deed might not be an issue. I would really hope that even if your mom took you out of her will that she would leave your child in it. That would be an extremely crappy thing to disinherit you and your child.

Posted 2/22/22 11:29 AM
 

BabyBearA
LIF Adult

Member since 7/11

1254 total posts

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Re: What would you do …

It sounds like you know what you're doing. It sounds like your father gifted his half to you and that makes it yours, or 50% yours? I completely understand where you're coming from and yes, you have to protect yourself and your child.

Posted 2/22/22 12:54 PM
 

MissJones
I need a nap!

Member since 5/05

22060 total posts

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Re: What would you do …

Posted by RomeyT

Posted by Katareen

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by KarenK122

I don't think you should have been on the house to begin with and that was sneaky on your father's part. If he wanted you to have an inheritance there are other ways to have done it. I personally do not think you are entitled to the house and if your mother is the one paying all the bills and the mortgage, just take yourself off. Why cause friction over something that is not yours.

. Because money equals survival and I’m not going to take an amount north of Seven figures away from my child. I’m not insane.



But it’s not YOUR money or YOUR house. Nobody is entitled to inheritance, and your child is not your mother’s responsibility.

Both of your parents are ridiculous and immature and put their teenage child in the middle of their divorce. And now you are acting the same way.




Expect that IS her house, as per the deed. And ultimately that Equates to an inheritance.




And it sounds like her mom is not stable mentally and she needs to protect herself. Her dad obviously had a reason for doing what he did. She's not acting immature. For all we know, her mother might sign the house over to some random guy and she'll never see a penny. We all have those family stories.

Posted 2/22/22 2:47 PM
 

Katareen
5,000 Posts!

Member since 4/10

7172 total posts

Name:
Katherine

Re: What would you do …

Posted by MissJones

Posted by RomeyT

Posted by Katareen

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by KarenK122

I don't think you should have been on the house to begin with and that was sneaky on your father's part. If he wanted you to have an inheritance there are other ways to have done it. I personally do not think you are entitled to the house and if your mother is the one paying all the bills and the mortgage, just take yourself off. Why cause friction over something that is not yours.

. Because money equals survival and I’m not going to take an amount north of Seven figures away from my child. I’m not insane.



But it’s not YOUR money or YOUR house. Nobody is entitled to inheritance, and your child is not your mother’s responsibility.

Both of your parents are ridiculous and immature and put their teenage child in the middle of their divorce. And now you are acting the same way.




Expect that IS her house, as per the deed. And ultimately that Equates to an inheritance.




And it sounds like her mom is not stable mentally and she needs to protect herself. Her dad obviously had a reason for doing what he did. She's not acting immature. For all we know, her mother might sign the house over to some random guy and she'll never see a penny. We all have those family stories.



OP is a full-grown adult, not a child that still requires financial support.
If my parents decided to sell their home and blow all of their money in Vegas—that’s their prerogative. They don’t owe me or my siblings a damn thing.

I’m sure the Dad’s reason for doing what he did was to make his ex-wife become his daughter’s problem. And he succeeded in that.

Posted 2/22/22 3:14 PM
 

CookiePuss
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Member since 5/05

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Re: What would you do …

It's such a weird arrangement. Did you mom buy your dad out in the divorce or was her getting the house part of the settlement?
If they wanted to make sure you would get the house when your mother passes - they should have put it in a trust.
I believe you should move forward with your mother's request and remove your name from the deed and then ask about moving the house to a trust. You have not added to the house financially and you, even as a child, are not entitled to an inheritance.
Right now, you guys are fighting over control of HER biggest, or one of her biggest assets. She wants the power and control and she has every right to it...you do not.
Your father signed away his right to the house and he should not have a lingering say on the asset.

Posted 2/22/22 3:42 PM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5774 total posts

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Me

Re: What would you do …

Posted by CookiePuss

It's such a weird arrangement. Did you mom buy your dad out in the divorce or was her getting the house part of the settlement?
If they wanted to make sure you would get the house when your mother passes - they should have put it in a trust.
I believe you should move forward with your mother's request and remove your name from the deed and then ask about moving the house to a trust. You have not added to the house financially and you, even as a child, are not entitled to an inheritance.
Right now, you guys are fighting over control of HER biggest, or one of her biggest assets. She wants the power and control and she has every right to it...you do not.
Your father signed away his right to the house and he should not have a lingering say on the asset.

He gave up any claim to the house and gave it to me ( by putting me on the deed). He didn’t buy anyone out. My mom agreed with the arrangement at the time. It wasn’t ever discussed or an issue for many years. It’s only recently become one. Unsure as to why , I think she’s becoming paranoid regarding money. Could be age related, I don’t know.

Posted 2/22/22 4:11 PM
 

MrsA1012
love my little girl !

Member since 9/10

5774 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: What would you do …

Posted by Katareen

Posted by MissJones

Posted by RomeyT

Posted by Katareen

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by KarenK122

I don't think you should have been on the house to begin with and that was sneaky on your father's part. If he wanted you to have an inheritance there are other ways to have done it. I personally do not think you are entitled to the house and if your mother is the one paying all the bills and the mortgage, just take yourself off. Why cause friction over something that is not yours.

. Because money equals survival and I’m not going to take an amount north of Seven figures away from my child. I’m not insane.



But it’s not YOUR money or YOUR house. Nobody is entitled to inheritance, and your child is not your mother’s responsibility.

Both of your parents are ridiculous and immature and put their teenage child in the middle of their divorce. And now you are acting the same way.




Expect that IS her house, as per the deed. And ultimately that Equates to an inheritance.




And it sounds like her mom is not stable mentally and she needs to protect herself. Her dad obviously had a reason for doing what he did. She's not acting immature. For all we know, her mother might sign the house over to some random guy and she'll never see a penny. We all have those family stories.



OP is a full-grown adult, not a child that still requires financial support.
If my parents decided to sell their home and blow all of their money in Vegas—that’s their prerogative. They don’t owe me or my siblings a damn thing.

I’m sure the Dad’s reason for doing what he did was to make his ex-wife become his daughter’s problem. And he succeeded in that.

It’s very different to willing give up money that’s is legally yours than to say I have no claim to money you have no way of controlling.( ie your example ) She has plenty of money aside from the house and I don’t know or care if she is going to give it to me. Money that I already have a share in is a different matter. My dad’s reason was to give me joint control over a big asset, but thanks for assuming things Chat Icon

Posted 2/22/22 4:14 PM
 

CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!

Member since 5/05

13986 total posts

Name:

Re: What would you do …

Posted by MrsA1012

Posted by CookiePuss

It's such a weird arrangement. Did you mom buy your dad out in the divorce or was her getting the house part of the settlement?
If they wanted to make sure you would get the house when your mother passes - they should have put it in a trust.
I believe you should move forward with your mother's request and remove your name from the deed and then ask about moving the house to a trust. You have not added to the house financially and you, even as a child, are not entitled to an inheritance.
Right now, you guys are fighting over control of HER biggest, or one of her biggest assets. She wants the power and control and she has every right to it...you do not.
Your father signed away his right to the house and he should not have a lingering say on the asset.

He gave up any claim to the house and gave it to me ( by putting me on the deed). He didn’t buy anyone out. My mom agreed with the arrangement at the time. It wasn’t ever discussed or an issue for many years. It’s only recently become one. Unsure as to why , I think she’s becoming paranoid regarding money. Could be age related, I don’t know.



Based on that, then your equity in the house was given to you by your father and it's not your mother's house - it the 2 of yours. I would still discuss with her moving it to a trust or register the property where each party owns a set percentage and not by entirely.
Again, I would gander to say this is about control and the power of ownership over the property. I think if you come to her with some solutions other then no, she may be more receptive.

Posted 2/22/22 4:15 PM
 

Deeluvsvinny
DONE

Member since 10/08

4948 total posts

Name:
Whatever

What would you do …

was this done as part of a divorce decree? legally, the house is 1/2 yours, but some would argue that would mean you are reponsible for 1/2 the costs... if it was done as part of divorce settlement, I would think things like that would have been addressed. How are you listed on the deed, as tenants with rights of survivorship? Is it a 50% ownership each?
People are saying to remove your name, but it's not as simple as that, you're not just "listed on the deed" you have actual ownership in the house when your name is on it.

Posted 2/22/22 5:31 PM
 
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