Terminal illness

I just found out that my Ex has stage 4 metastatic small cell lung cancer. My heart aches for my two daughters(16& 14). I told the girls that he is very sick with cancer and that he is receiving treatment but I did not tell them anything about his prognosis - they are giving him less than a year. They haven't seen him in two years but I will bring them to see him (he lives oos in maryland), it is the right thing to do so that there will be no regrets but did I do the right thing by not fully telling them all I know. Can he recover from this? Should I tell them everything?

Message edited 12/7/2015 7:52:58 PM.

Terminal illness

I'm so sorry. How old are your daughters?

Terminal illness

They're 16 and 14

Terminal illness

I'm so so sorry, but that does not look good. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in October and passed only 4 months later in February.

Not sure how old they are, but I'd tell them everything.

Terminal illness

How old are they? Aside from not having seen him, do they stay in contact in other ways? I think it's ok to slowly give them info. If they ask, then I think you have to be honest but if they don't you can talk to them over time without hitting them with it all at once - explain that it's serious but he is receiving treatment. And then down the road you can let them know that the treatment doesn't seem to be working (if that is the case).

Re: Terminal illness

Terminal illness

I would tell them. I work in the field and am generally very optimistic as I see miracles every day but this doesn't sound good and you don't want to blind side them. Stage 4 AND small cell are not a good combo.

So, so sorry for your girls.

Terminal illness

I am so sorry this is happening. I am dying of cancer right now, so understand what you are facing as I had to tell my own children, ages 24 and 31, just a few months ago.

Having all the facts is essential. The first thing you need to do is to confirm what you have heard about your ex and speak directly to him, if at all possible, or to someone you trust who could verify what you have heard. He may have been a bad father, but he is their father.

I asked the wonderful people on here for advice about what to do and to a person I was told be open and honest with my children. I think it was the best advice.

Get therapy for your kids if you can, as it won't be easy and may impact their school work as well. The school should be informed. Get any and all support you can get for them.

This will be hard on you too. Take care of yourself as well.

Message edited 12/7/2015 8:36:19 PM.

Terminal illness

I would tell them. At least this way they can say what they need to say when they are with him. I would feel terrible if someone knew one of my parents was dying, especially if my relationship wasn't good and I wasn't told until it was too late. I'm not saying that this will repair their relationship by any means, but at least it gives them a chance to cherish the last memories they can with him if they choose to.

Re: Terminal illness

First, I am sorry. Second, I would tell them everything. I would confirm the diagnosis with an ex mil or someone else, but I would tell them. I would also travel down there asap. I might make a few trips so the girls could really
get closure.

Re: Terminal illness

Since they already know he has cancer and you are taking them down there why can't he tell them?

Sorry for your girls

Terminal illness

I would tell them everything. My dad got sick when I was 18 and my parents didn't tell any of us his prognosis, which was 3-6 months. He died three weeks later.

Re: Terminal illness

Re: Terminal illness

I am so sorry I would tell them the truth. A friend of mine passed away from cancer recently -she lived oos and I was completely blind sided. She knew for the past couple of years that she was not going to survive but she kept it to herself and her family who lived oos were devastated - there was so much to say and so much to do and then it was too late. I agree that you should tell the school what is going on and get your kids some counseling through the schools. Good luck to you all

Re: Terminal illness

Message edited 12/8/2015 10:21:17 AM.

Terminal illness

I spoke to my ex-bil this morning and it is true. The cancer metastasized to his brain, liver and bones. The prognosis is not good but I did tell my two daughters that their father will die from this. Because no one really knows when death will happen, I thought that this was best for now. We are going to Maryland this weekend to see him, they are perceptive and will know everything this weekend.