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laurabora
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2712 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by Goobster
Honestly, while I get along with my MIL, I would never expect her to do what your own mother would do. I would imagine MANY MILS would feel out of place to help with house tasks, laundry, etc, not to overstep boundaries.
And my own mother would not do my laundry or help with cleaning either. I would only expect someone to play with my child, which would then free me up to do things without having my child hang on me.
ITA
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Posted 12/30/12 9:36 PM  |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2642 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
wowsa! There is some definite judgment in some of these posts.... why would anyone be embarresed to accept help from their mother or mother in law??
I get a ton of help from both my mom and my MIL... I work full time and dont get home till 7pm every night, and without their help I would have NO time with DD. My MIL will often cook and bring over food and my mom will tidy, do small projects at the house, empty dishwasher etc, fold my laundry, do DD's laundry etc. I dont EXPECT it but I defintly appreciate it and feel very grateful. I also dont see their role as a cleaning lady, as I do have a cleaning lady, and she actually does heavy duty cleaning- which I wouldnt want MIL or my mom doing.
I think it depends on the scenario, if my MIL Or mom only got to see DD once a week or once every couple of weeks etc, obviously they would spend the time WITH DD and not doing any type of chores. However, mom watched DD 3 days a week and MIL 1 day a week, so they are helping with 'chores" during DD's down/nap time, they actually ask me for stuff to do bc neither is the type to sit back and watch TV, they are both "doers".
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| Posted 12/30/12 11:25 PM |
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VickiC
Rocking the party
Member since 5/05 4937 total posts
Name:
Vicki
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by Goobster
Honestly, while I get along with my MIL, I would never expect her to do what your own mother would do. I would imagine MANY MILS would feel out of place to help with house tasks, laundry, etc, not to overstep boundaries.
And my own mother would not do my laundry or help with cleaning either. I would only expect someone to play with my child, which would then free me up to do things without having my child hang on me.
Same for me - I need them to watch my DS because I work PT from home. Every now and again one of them might do my dishes, but that's about it. My Mom was amazing in that she would do DS's laundry for me at her house - she did it for 2 years for me and I was thankful because I worked FT at the time and it was hard enough to keep up with DH & my laundry!
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| Posted 12/30/12 11:59 PM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by Budjeg11
wowsa! There is some definite judgment in some of these posts.... why would anyone be embarresed to accept help from their mother or mother in law??
I get a ton of help from both my mom and my MIL... I work full time and dont get home till 7pm every night, and without their help I would have NO time with DD. My MIL will often cook and bring over food and my mom will tidy, do small projects at the house, empty dishwasher etc, fold my laundry, do DD's laundry etc. I dont EXPECT it but I defintly appreciate it and feel very grateful. I also dont see their role as a cleaning lady, as I do have a cleaning lady, and she actually does heavy duty cleaning- which I wouldnt want MIL or my mom doing.
I think it depends on the scenario, if my MIL Or mom only got to see DD once a week or once every couple of weeks etc, obviously they would spend the time WITH DD and not doing any type of chores. However, mom watched DD 3 days a week and MIL 1 day a week, so they are helping with 'chores" during DD's down/nap time, they actually ask me for stuff to do bc neither is the type to sit back and watch TV, they are both "doers".
Exactly!!! My mom is a "doer" too and she loves helping me!!! I am also a "doer" which is why she helps me as she knows I don't sit around much if at all. My mom and I are also very close.
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| Posted 12/31/12 12:42 AM |
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sfp0701
Liam's Mommy!
Member since 1/07 9764 total posts
Name:
Tricia
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My MIL and Step-MIL live oos. So on the rare occasion that they come over it is very different.
My S-MIL lives in NJ. She will come for the day and it doesn't really lend itself for helping. She will play with DS or help clear a table.
MIL lives in TN. When she comes for a visit it is for a while and she does help. She winds up getting in the way but, that is just because I like things done a certain way. She will cook and clean and watch DS>
My mom... She comes over and critiques my cleaning.. cleans things while saying grumpy things about my abiliity to clean. She will play with DS but, doesn't really come over with the intention to help. I mean, yes, she cleans the table afer meals with me but, she doesn't come over and fold laundry or something.
Every once in a while, If I am really stressed or the 2 times when I was very very sick (like in the hospital) she came over and cooked, cleaned, took care of DS. That was a different situation though.
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| Posted 12/31/12 8:03 AM |
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JsWife
His laugh, Her smile
Member since 12/06 2902 total posts
Name:
Patricia
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Either one come and help? HaHaHaHa! Too funny.
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| Posted 12/31/12 8:11 AM |
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Waste06
Waste not, want not
Member since 6/06 7219 total posts
Name:
Lois Mom Mommy Mama Ma
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My Mother raised 4 daughters. She does not clean any of our houses when she comes over. She has her own house to clean and that's more than enough. (She's 70 yrs old too.) I've actually offered to pay for a cleaning lady to go to her house and clean, but she still insists on doing her own cleaning. The last thing I'd want her to do is clean my house.
And she knows better than to cook. The kitchen is my husband's domain, and when we invite them over for dinner, her job is to sit on the couch and relax and maybe keep our DS out of the kitchen.
My Mother does help out with my son when she's over. She plays with him, helps feed him, will change him if I'm busy. She's a VERY hands-on Grandma.
My MIL lives in FL and when she comes for a visit, she doesn't clean either. If she's staying with us, she'll do her own laundry and try to stay out of the way as much as possible. But when my inlaws come to my house, they do not clean.
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| Posted 12/31/12 11:01 AM |
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MrsS2005
Mom of 3
Member since 11/05 13118 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My mom always offers to help with the laundry and fold clothes. Sometimes I will take her up on her offer. Mostly, I like just having some extra hands with the kids so I can get stuff done around the house or run errands without them.
MIL doesn't come over often. I don't expect her to help around the house. When she has helped cook at our house for the holidays, she also helps clean up.
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| Posted 12/31/12 1:01 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54917 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Ok, I have to ask........ is this like an Italian mother thing? I ask because now that I'm thinking about it, my friends who have Italiian mothers tend to be more all up in the house, helping cook and clean, even when they are guests.
I've also seen similiar with Greek mothers.
Just wondering if maybe this was like a cultural thing? Not saying across the board, but just something I noticed.
I think it's more of a personality thing than a nationality thing.
My NON ITALIAN mom is the type who can't sit still and she helps even when I tell her not to.
It's just her.
She hates sitting idle even as a guest.
My ITALIAN mother in law was not that way.
So that theory is out the window.
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| Posted 12/31/12 1:04 PM |
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Cheeks24
Living a dream
Member since 1/08 8589 total posts
Name:
Cheeks
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
Neither my MIL or mom do anything except play with the baby.
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| Posted 12/31/12 1:35 PM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My Italian MIL cooks as a stress revliever. At least once a week she sends over dinner for ME (DH is a work out freak and only eats very select things). When she babysits DD she had been folding our laundry (and possibly even washing some) at DH's request until I got really mad and said no more! It made me very uncomfortable to have MIL (or my mom for that matter) doing chores when babysitting DD. The free babysitting is nice enough, I don't need them doing housework on top of it. My (non Italian) mom will maybe wash a few dishes while she's here if we eat lunch together but I tell her it's not necessary.
Both MIL and my mom work FT, so unless they're specifically coming to babysit so I can go to work or special errand I haven't had them come to "help" since DD was a newborn. I would love for someone to just come and entrain DD so I could do things uninterrupted though!
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| Posted 12/31/12 1:51 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by Budjeg11
wowsa! There is some definite judgment in some of these posts.... why would anyone be embarresed to accept help from their mother or mother in law??
I get a ton of help from both my mom and my MIL... I work full time and dont get home till 7pm every night, and without their help I would have NO time with DD. My MIL will often cook and bring over food and my mom will tidy, do small projects at the house, empty dishwasher etc, fold my laundry, do DD's laundry etc. I dont EXPECT it but I defintly appreciate it and feel very grateful. I also dont see their role as a cleaning lady, as I do have a cleaning lady, and she actually does heavy duty cleaning- which I wouldnt want MIL or my mom doing.
I think it depends on the scenario, if my MIL Or mom only got to see DD once a week or once every couple of weeks etc, obviously they would spend the time WITH DD and not doing any type of chores. However, mom watched DD 3 days a week and MIL 1 day a week, so they are helping with 'chores" during DD's down/nap time, they actually ask me for stuff to do bc neither is the type to sit back and watch TV, they are both "doers".
I wouldn't be embarrassed to accept help, I'm be embarrassed to EXPECT it, which is what I am seeing in a lot of the replies.
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| Posted 12/31/12 2:55 PM |
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LJSMommy
Love him!
Member since 10/07 3189 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Neither cleans or helps with anything while here. I mean they offer if it's like a dinner thing....but not with general household duties ect. If they babysit at night the toys are put back but that's so infrequent anyhow.
My Mom has us over for dinner plenty & will always send leftovers home for DH if he doesn't come. Inlaws will drop anything to come watch DS (they are retired so it's a bit easier).
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| Posted 12/31/12 4:28 PM |
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