If you're one and done

Particularly if by choice, do you feel very alone in your decision? Some of my friends are starting to get pregnant with their second kids and many of them have a kid younger than my DD. The questions have been flying and I feel like everyone thinks I'm insane so I find myself giving an explanation and as I'm explaining I'm thinking to myself "why the fluck do I owe you an explanation?"

I also feel like some of them are sort of sad for my DD, in that she won't have a sibling and that she has parents who can't possibly love kids because they don't want more than one.

We were always clear about being one and done but don't think anyone (particularly our families) really believed us. Now that DD is "older" (she's 3 but everyone in DH's family breeds like rabbits) I think they're starting to realize that we weren't joking.

If you're one and done

We only have one, mostly because we got married old. I guess we could have tried to have a second, but we were happy with one and didn't feel the need to go to extraordinary measures. But, now that she is 10, she is always saying that she is the only one without a sibling. But, she is happy, outgoing, and makes friends easily. I'm sure she'll be fine. As long as she has a loving family, that's all that matters.

If you're one and done

The only one we have felt pressure from is MIL. Most of my friends have only children, my brother only has one, so we’re in good company. We are one and done for a lot of reasons-demanding careers, it’s much easier financially, DS has mild special needs and we’re concerned that we may have another child with similar or more severe needs, just to name a few. At the end of the day it’s your choice. Forget everyone else.

Re: If you're one and done

I love it. I do whats best for me and my family and fuk anyone else.
I love having an only child.
We can afford to give her so much and we lead a great life.
We are happy, we are never stressed, its perfect.
Dd never feels she is missing out and tells me all the time how she wouldn't want a sibling.
She is showered with affection and gets all our attention.
I wish someone would question me about it or feel sad for her. I would loveeeee to tell some nosey assshole off about it. I would welcome it. And mark my words it would be the last time they dared open their mouth.
It floors and amazes me the utter balls on people. It truly does. I cant even imagine asking someone about their plans to get pregnant be it with number 1 or number 6.

As far as feeling alone, other than the fact that I don't care, dd actually has several friends who are only children so I never feel the odd man out to be honest.
Maybe only children naturally flock together?

Message edited 1/1/2019 12:23:19 AM.

Re: If you're one and done

Posted by NervousNell

As far as feeling alone, other than the fact that I don't care, dd actually has several friends who are only children so I never feel the odd man out to be honest.
Maybe only children naturally flock together?

If you're one and done

No one has ever really questioned our decision to only have one child. We made this decision early on after having DD and could not be happier. Since DD has been in elementary school, we have met quite a few other families with only children. This school year, I went on a class field trip and my Dd’s teacher asked if she has other siblings... turns out her teacher is an only child and she has made the decision to have an only child too. It was really nice to talk about our decisions and connect on that level.

If you're one and done

We are one and done. We did IVF to conceive him. We could’ve tried again, but made the decision not to. We thought about it for 3 years and decided we were done. Since people know we did IVF, we rarely get asked when is the next one coming. If people do ask, I tell them we’re happy with one. At this point, two would be too much of an adjustment. My son is very self sufficient.

If it makes you feel better, I teach high school and will sometimes ask my students in general how they feel about being only children. In general, they don’t mind it. Many see that there are big benefits.

If you're one and done

I think people feel the need to say you need to give your child a sibling because somehow it will negatively impact them being an only child which is a far cry from the truth. There is no difference psychologically or emotionally between an only child and kids with siblings. Kids with many siblings actually report struggling for attention and are more likely to have behavioral problems (not all, but from any research I’ve read or been a part of). I think if you guys are happy and know in your heart this is the best choice then that’s the way it stays. Your DD will never know any different so she won’t feel as though she has something others do. I would just stop answering people and tell them to MYOB!

If you're one and done

DD is 2.5 and i still cannot fathom having another child. Dh really would like another so that's the only reason I have even given it a second thought. Having 1 early loss and 2 ectopics, my chance of having another is like 1 in 9 which is too likely for me. We also live in small 2 bedroom cape (finishing the upstairs currently into one big master suite), and I kind of like the idea of having a guest bedroom again, and not another nursery or something. DD is very sociable and loves playing with other kids, and she has alot of cousins so I don't really feel like she's missing out on anything. Two of my siblings have two kids, and they both are super annoying about it. Everytime DD plays with one of the babies they make comments about how she would be such a great big sister and how we are depriving her. It makes my blood boil and really upsets me... I don't know for sure, but I would imagine it's only a matter of time before the comments die down. I feel like once kids are older, like 6/7ish, the comments about siblings happen less frequently

If you're one and done

I feel alone with our decision when it comes to my family because I come from a fairly large family. My mom and her cousins had 4 to 5 siblings each. Each of my aunts and uncles had multiple children. Dh parents are the only ones who had more than one child. We didnt want any children at all and DD surprised us. We wouldnt change it for the world but we have also realized that we can provide for her a lot better without having more kids. I see DH cousins who are all only children and they seem to be ok and leading pretty decent lives

Message edited 1/1/2019 2:24:46 PM.

Re: If you're one and done

I just dont understand why some people just can't seem to wrap their heads around the idea of minding their own business and badgering people about their lifes choices. Why cant people just have one child if thats what the choose? You know though, people are NEVER happy. I have 2 boys and I am done. I get the are you going to try for the girl question at least once a week for someone...like why? No I dont want a 3rd child. Even if you could guarantee me a girl (which you cant) I would say No and still be done. Everyone has a threshold and 2 kids is my personal limit LOL.

Anyway, do not feel alone in your decision. People will never be happy...you have another girl, you then you need to try for the boy...they will only be happy if you have one boy and one girl, only then will people leave you alone.

Re: If you're one and done

Re: If you're one and done

Message edited 1/2/2019 10:36:20 AM.

Re: If you're one and done

Message edited 1/2/2019 10:38:39 AM.

Re: If you're one and done

Posted by Momma2015

Posted by Jacquelina

Anyway, do not feel alone in your decision. People will never be happy...you have another girl, you then you need to try for the boy...they will only be happy if you have one boy and one girl, only then will people leave you alone.

And even then only if they are spaced exactly the right length of time apart. My DD is going to be 3 in April and my DS is due in March and people keep telling me that it's perfect. Meanwhile I was pregnant in 2017 and miscarried- would that NOT have been perfect? If I waited another year, like I WANTED , would that have been bad, too?

Re: If you're one and done

My good friend is one and done. Her kid is going to be 4 in a few months so of course she does get those questions on having another. She and her husband are in agreement that they are happy with one, and they don't really care what other people think.

If you're one and done

I hate when people look at me like I'm crazy when I say I'm done after 2 kids. Like its impossible to them to understand why I wouldnt want more. And then on the other hand it also annoys me when people say "you have one of each, so you can stop now". Just either way, it's no one's business! I was recently diagnosed with pcos and my doctor literally said right after telling me "but it's no concern because you already have one girl and one boy", he just blew it off because I guess in his mind he assumed I wouldnt want more kids (I don't, but I still dont think he should have just assumed that, because what if I was a patient who really did want more kids?)

Re: If you're one and done

My DS is 11, I am one and done. I always was, for a lot of reasons, but one of them being that I was in a horrible marriage.

Now I have a SO, and we've been together for over 4 years, he has one, I have one, we're done. And people ask us all the time if we are going to have one together. NO WE AREN'T

Plus we're old

Re: If you're one and done

Posted by Straightarrow

My DS is 11, I am one and done. I always was, for a lot of reasons, but one of them being that I was in a horrible marriage.

Now I have a SO, and we've been together for over 4 years, he has one, I have one, we're done. And people ask us all the time if we are going to have one together. NO WE AREN'T

Plus we're old

Re: If you're one and done

Posted by Kathy042806

Posted by Straightarrow

My DS is 11, I am one and done. I always was, for a lot of reasons, but one of them being that I was in a horrible marriage.

Now I have a SO, and we've been together for over 4 years, he has one, I have one, we're done. And people ask us all the time if we are going to have one together. NO WE AREN'T

Plus we're old

This. DS is 11 and as much as I wanted to have more kids I just knew my ex dh was a lazy pos and I couldn't imagine another child with him as much as I wanted more. My SO has a 17 yr old going to college next year and a 13 yr old (both girls) and ppl still ask if he and I want one together. I'm like wtf is wrong with you people? SO is 48 and I'm 40 and as much as I would love more kids we are old and broke and happy lol

Re: If you're one and done

Posted by Momma2015

Posted by Jacquelina

Anyway, do not feel alone in your decision. People will never be happy...you have another girl, you then you need to try for the boy...they will only be happy if you have one boy and one girl, only then will people leave you alone.

And even then only if they are spaced exactly the right length of time apart. My DD is going to be 3 in April and my DS is due in March and people keep telling me that it's perfect. Meanwhile I was pregnant in 2017 and miscarried- would that NOT have been perfect? If I waited another year, like I WANTED , would that have been bad, too?

Re: If you're one and done

Posted by LuckyStar

Posted by Momma2015

Posted by Jacquelina

Anyway, do not feel alone in your decision. People will never be happy...you have another girl, you then you need to try for the boy...they will only be happy if you have one boy and one girl, only then will people leave you alone.

And even then only if they are spaced exactly the right length of time apart. My DD is going to be 3 in April and my DS is due in March and people keep telling me that it's perfect. Meanwhile I was pregnant in 2017 and miscarried- would that NOT have been perfect? If I waited another year, like I WANTED , would that have been bad, too?

I'm sure if I were to get pregnant tomorrow people would be telling me it would be too much of an age difference.

I have heard "you need to give your husband a son" SO many times. First of all, I don't need to give my husband sh!t. Second, WHY is it so inconceivable that a man would be happy with a daughter? Third, please tell me what it is exactly that a boy can do that a girl cannot? DH can just as easily coach the basketball team for DD as he could for a son and be just as proud. As a woman, I find that insulting, as if I were some sort of consolation prize for my father.

I hate people.

Re: If you're one and done

Sometimes people are just curious and not asking to put pressure on other people. I have a friend who is childless by choice. I love talking with her about her decision and if she ever had doubts, how she came to her decision. I find it fascinating because I have always felt this need to have as many kids as I could and I am not even sure I know why. I never thought I would ever feel "done" although now at 43 and after having a miscarriage due to chromosomal abnormalities, I am finally totally and completely DONE!

Anyway, after my first I suffered secondary infertility and I struggled with the question of what if my son ends up being an only child, and I spoke to a lot of adult only children and parents of only children and everyone seemed happy! One of the parents of an only child told me that a lot of the research suggests that only children are more academically successful and well adjusted than children with siblings. Who knows! I think so much more goes into than how many siblings you have that I think you should just do whatever is going to make you happiest. A happy parent is probably the best thing you could give them!

Re: If you're one and done

If you're one and done

Not one and done but just wanted to add....I have 2 but see the appeal of being one and done. I am all for it. I sometimes envy my friends who have just one and it seems easier. My kids are 6 and 3. One boy one girl. It’s so hard finding age appropriate things to do with each of them. Going anywhere is a nightmare. Getting from the house to the car takes 30 minutes minimum. The constant bickering drives me up a wall. I love them dearly but I don’t see anything wrong at all with just having one. And I would never badger someone into trying to have more. It’s downright rude