bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

When its bedtime and you do your routine with your 1 year old. Thy are officially in their pjs and your preparing their bottle would you allow your mil to 'stop by' unannounced and say good night to them? And not just come in say goodnight and leave but say goodnight and then stand there and want to hold them keep the lights on and so on?

Would you be upset that you have asked they not do this numerous times and they still do it? Or that youve told your husband the same and yet he still tells her its ok???

Am i being too rigid because i dont want his mother stopping by after 700. 7 i like to have her winding down and 730-8 is bedtime.

Am i so wrong? Am i being stubborn or too rigid

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

It doesn't matter what LIF people think. What matters is what you think and the fact that you told her not to do it many times then yes... I would be mad at that.

Personally I think we DS2 I've gotten more laid back so I have been ok with some things. Also, DS2 is easy going so would be ok right after anyone comes to say goodnight. He really likes his sleep.
If your LO is tough to put to sleep and any distractions can mess up your routine then yes... you should be upset. More so bc you told her not to do it though.

bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

It wouldn't bother me but I do not have routines. We are very loose with DS day and it works for him.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

i think you are totally within reason
i think its important to have a bedtime routine. if mil (or anyone) wants to come by to see them, they should come by before 7.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

well... i would be annoyed. bedtime routines need to be consistent and relaxing for you and your LO. That doesn't seem to be the situation. I would hate if my MIL did that. I wouldn't stand for it, it would cause problems. My mom who visits often always makes sure to leave after dinnertime... she never stays for bedtime unless she is babysitting and then has to be there lol. of course she would love to stay like any grandparent but she understands boundaries and lets my family have a lot of space! it sounds like your mil doesn't.

bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

No, I don't think you're wrong. I start dd's bedtime routine at 7 too. I just ask everyone to come over before 7 and it hasn't been a problem. I would tell mil to come over at 6:30 and she can read a few books before dc goes to sleep. If she doesn't respect that, then just tell her dc is already sleeping when she comes over. Explain that you love that she comes over but you need to stick to routine.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

Absolutely not! I would be angry at both MIL and DH if she repeatedly did that even after I asked her to stop. She is just being rude. You are the mother and should have the right to say when it is bedtime, not your MIL. Your DH really needs to back you on this. I could see it not changing until he gets on board because she is just ignoring your requests.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

I'm a stickler for bedtimes and bedtime routines so if I were in your position, I would be extremely irritated and I would put a stop to it. Whether she likes it or not, she needs to respect your wishes. I think she's being rude and inconsiderate.

bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

That would annoy me if my MIL did that often. I mean, once in a blue moon, fine...but wanting to do it all the time? No way. But then, I feel like if my own mother did it, it wouldn't bother me so much. It's funny, lots of things that MIL does annoy the hell out of me, but if my own mother does them, I don't care. I guess it is the nature of the MIL/DIL relationship vs Mother/Daughter...it is different. Just my opinion.

So in my round about way...no you are not wrong...it IS annoying.

bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

That would drive me crazy. In general I'm pretty laid back. But DS is not a great sleeper and I had to work hard to get a good routine going and get him to sleep better. He needs his sleep. I agree with one of the PP who said give a cutoff time. That's what I do, I tell family to come over by 6. He gets very excited to see family and it would just rile him up too much. Naps and meals, I'm much more flexible. But I try not to mess with bedtime.

bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

ugh, annoying, not wrong!!

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

This wouldn't fly with me. Its just not necessary and only hurts her when she gets all worked up and sleeps less. I'd lock myself in their room alone to put them to sleep and not let her in. I hate when people try to "play house" with my kids. Mine are not the greatest nappers/sleepers and fight it so we have routines that work and must be adhered to.

PS- do you watch Everybody Loves Raymond?

Message edited 8/6/2013 10:07:48 AM.

bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

Strawberry- Yes I do! hahahaha Hi Im Debra LOL

I wouldn't care if my dd would still go to bed but she doesn't. I wouldn't care if mil only saw her once in a while I would adjust my dd schedule for that. Im not THAT rigid and mean and stubborn. This is all the time. She sees her all the time. This is the 1 thing I ask more than anything to just respect me on. And you cant even do that.

Ya know what time my dd went to bed, 10pm! I gave her to my dh after 45 minutes of her not going to bed and told him to put her to bed and deal with it. You want your mother here at all hours of the night then you can deal with the consequences of that. Im taking time to myself like I was supposed to have.

Overall theres no boundaries that his family respects and its that more than anything. And this is fuel on a fire that's been burning for awhile now. I cant wait to move away from them.

And because hes so used to it since its the only way he knows he doesn't even realize when their doing it. Im honestly more angry with him than my mil. It was clear to me she asked him if she could say goodnight to the baby and instead of saying no he tells her yes and then Im wrong for being upset with him. And then he tells me Im making a big deal out of nothing. UGHHHHHH GRRRRRRR sooo frustrating. HE doesn't get that babies thrive on routine and there are certain thing they need. They are not like adults.

vent over thank you!

Message edited 8/6/2013 11:59:52 AM.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

Since it's happening often and disrupting your kid, yes I'd be pissed. But more so at your DH, since he is telling them it's ok.

We have a very informal bedtime routine and it gets disrupted occasionally, but if anyone was making a habit of it I would get pretty upset and they would start to feel very unwelcome at those times.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

I would be direct and say to your MIL "last time you stopped by to help put DC to bed, it took her a LONG time to settle down and fall asleep. She just gets so excited and happy to see you that she doesn't want to sleep. She gets too over stimulated. If you'd like visit with her, such and such day/time would be better."

My DD is 3. And still has trouble falling asleep if anyone trys to "help" with the night time routine. It just throws everything off...

bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

NFW would i allow that. You are the mom, YOU call the shots. If she wants to say goodnight she can come over while they are having dinner or before the bath. I think that is MORE than fair.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

you are not wrong! Children like routine and I like routine. I am strict on my kids sched. for the most part. Some don't like it but you know what - I am the parent so I don't care LOL! I would nicely tell her that its bedtime and she is more than welcome to stay but lights out and baby is sleeping

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

Routines are great but it is impossible to always stick to one and i prefer my kids being able to adjust when that happens so it wouldnt bother me, As long as it was occassionally happening (maybe 2 -3 times a month) If she stopped by daily or frequently then Id be annoyed bc it messes up my schedule as well.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

Our twins routine starts at 7 and their door is shut at 7:40. Everyone knows that they can come over before 7 and be a part of the routine or after 740 and not see them.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

I like to be consistent with bedtime routines, but for us, our families are OOS. So if they happen to be driving through and can stop by - even super late, I have said come over. But for us, this is a random like once a year type event. If our families were local I would not agree to something like this.

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??

I don't think you're wrong at all. dd is only 9 months but i'm pretty rigid with her bedtime/routine bc she needs it. when things are "off", she is sooo much harder to put down and wakes up frequently. if, for some reason, we have company during her bedtime - they either come early enough to say goodnight to her before her routing starts, or I go in her room with the door closed and there is no interaction with anyone else. having a visitor in the middle of everything would just get her all worked up, when we are trying to wind down. I don't care what anyone else thinks or wants, and neither should you - we are the ones that have to deal with the "consequences" of a disrupted bedtime. I would bug out lol

Re: bedtime and routines- am i so wrong??