How to handle

DH works a rotating shift so he is home with 1YR old DD sometimes up to 4x a week. Yesterday he called me to ask where the band aids were and I asked if everything was ok. He told me that DD's wound from the previous day (her finger prick test) had reopened and I believed him. So I told him where they were. Why he doesnt know is another story.

So, I get home last night and DH tells me he going to meet up with a friend. After he left I noticed a picture frame that I had on the entry table is missing. Didnt think much of it. Then I found the pic from the frame in DD's play fridge... still didnt think much of it. Then I found the back to the frame in her toys. Then I found glass in her play baby carriage and dried blood on the floor. I look at her hand and she has a cut on her finger. Not the finger they took the needle to.

I can somewhat understand him not wanting to tell me about it bc I would freak out but, I expect him to tell me everything about our baby. So, I'm upset that he lied number one and number 2, what the hell was he doing when she had this frame in her hand? And 3 make sure you clean it up properly bc she could have put the piece I found in her mouth. I'm afraid he was probably watching TV which is another issue. I went to bed before he came home so I haven't addressed it yet. Not sure how to. He already thinks that I'm critical about the way he cares for her so I dont want him to think im attacking him.

Message edited 6/12/2013 12:11:30 PM.

Re: How to handle

I wouldn't be annoyed that your daughter got the picture frame and it broke. Accidents do happen and very quickly. I would be more annoyed that he didn't clean it up properly.

I would approach is not in a judgemental way but look what I found in dd's baby carriage broken glass. Just so he is more aware in the future to be more careful and get all the pieces.

Re: How to handle

It almost seems as I he wasn't even aware she obtained the frame and broke it. It sounds like he stumbled upon her with a bleeding finger, assumed her previous wound reopened and that was it. Why would he knowingly leave some broken glass around for her to find and reinjure herself? That's crazy. I would be really upset. If he was aware of what happened he should have cleaned it up. He left it and didn't even make you aware of the potential danger.

How to handle

That's tough. Like PP said, accidents happen. However, I would be very upset about the glass not being cleaned up. Was it just a little glass or all of it? Just wondering if it's possible he didn't even realize that she got the frame being that the pieces were hidden in various places. I would also be wondering how long she was playing with it without him knowing if she had time to put the pieces all over. At the same time, I think we're all guilty of getting distracted at times. I would probably just ask him what happened and let him know about the glass. I would try not to do it in a judgmental way but it seems like he may get defensive no matter how you approach it. I would also just be proactive in trying to get things out of her reach just in case. I always take an extra look around before I leave DD with a sitter bc I want to make sure nothing happens while I'm not around.

How to handle

I don't think he was aware she had it until it broke. He tended to the bleeding and he cleaned up the glass. I just happen to find one piece (about the size of a quarter) in her baby doll carriage.

I get that accidents happen but, I want him to know that I expect him to be more watchful of her. He is distracted by the tv and thats a big issue also.

Re: How to handle

I give you credit for not calling him as soon as you put it together and yelling at him. I admit that would of been my 1st response. I would be very upset by the fact that he didn't tell you the truth. I understand you were at work and he didnt want to upset you but as soon as you got home he should of told you. I know you said he thinks you are very critical in the way he cares for her but by lieing he is not helping either. I would just talk to him about the fact that he lied and that you expect to get the truth from him especially when it comes to your DD. Also do you have a schedule for him to follow? Maybe that would help him.

Re: How to handle

I'd be flipping OUT.

1 - that he straight up LIED to me. I mean, big deal, accidents happen, she got cut and only needed a band-aid.

2 - that he didn't clean up all the pieces. I'd be furious.

So I would be a maniac on him. Unacceptable. Especially if you think he's careless. Laid-back is one thing, careless is another story.

My advice isn't the best, because there's no effing way I'd approach this with a cool head.

eta: I also don't freak out about things so I fully expect my husband to tell me the good, bad, and ugly.

Message edited 6/12/2013 1:02:09 PM.

Re: How to handle

I would probably start with something very passive-aggressive like "honey, do you know why there was glass in the baby carriage" and see what his reation was to that.

How to handle

I called him and apparently he had no idea she broke a frame (the frame is a 3x5). Which I find hard to believe. He said he noticed she was playing with the frames on the table and putting them in her shopping cart (I already removed these last night) The frame that broke, he thought came from a drawer inside the entertainment center and he put it back. He is so clueless bc if that is true, that means he didnt notice the back was missing or glass was broken or the cut was on her other hand. He claims he did not lie bc he had no idea the frame was broken or that she cut herself on glass. So the first thing I will do when I get home is open the drawer to the entertainment center and look at the frame and see.

I dont believe him. Only a farkin idiot would be that clueless.

Message edited 6/12/2013 1:31:25 PM.

Re: How to handle

Re: How to handle

I'm just bothered by the fact that all of the glass wasn't cleaned up... she could have gotten hurt again and worse than the time before. I'd just talk to him seriously and firmly and say you are upset to find glass in the carriage and ask why he didn't clean it up better.

How to handle

First off you mentioned that he might not have wanted to tell you because you would flip. You also mentioned that you are critical. If hes 'afraid' to tell you things because your gonna flip out on him, i would be concerned about that. And honestly should address that... with yourself. I mean im sure he feels bad enough that dd hurt herself im sure he doesnt want to be ripped into once he has to tell you. It doesnt help anything it doesnt hange anything. And only adds more guilt. I think first take a breather before reacting. Accidents happen. No ones perfect. They will happen even if your the one watching her.

I also wouldnt approach him passive aggreasively. Or play dumb or play any games. I wouldnt do it in a way to put him on defense.
Just let him know you found glass in her carriage and ask him whats really going on.

And i say this because ive been in your husbands shoes with a critical husband and i just stopped telling him anything. Then finally I realized I didnt like feeling that way so I addressed it with him. Hes gotten much much better.

ETA: I apologize if I am coming off harsh I understand the issue at hand and that is the main point here. Your dd safety and the lack of attention she received by your DH. I would def be upset. But I do think you need to address the fact that you need to take responsibility for the fact that your husband would even feel the need to lie to you in the first place. He should NEVER lie when it comes to your dd and hes wrong for that and he should take responsibility for piece of it. But I think you need to also address the fact that he felt the need to lie. Theres something to be said about that.

Message edited 6/13/2013 10:26:14 AM.