Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I am so incredibly sorry your son experienced this. I would have to say something and I would pull my child from the school. I could not trust that they can ensure the safety of my child. I truly hope the 5 year old gets help.

I think a child wanting to know about their own body is normal for this age, but they should NOT be touching anyone else. I have repeatedly had conversations with my own children about appropriate vs inappropriate touch, and how they should feel secure in their own body, and no one should touch them there, and if they do they need to tell mommy and daddy. They will not get in trouble with us, but they should be secure enough to say no to someone else as well. I am so incredibly sorry that you have to deal with this.

Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I have to say after reading the schools reaction I would be pulling my kid(s). I am def a laid back parent and understand that things happen but for them to not take action after the first incident with the other child and then just say ok we will look into it.

Also, I would not be comfortable with any program where 3 and 5 YOs were in the same room unless it was for the before and after care. My DS is in daycare and is only with his age group. At that young age there is a HUGE difference in a 3 YO and a 5 YO.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Posted by skinny

The original story was troubling, but I am honestly shocked at the school's response. It's very upsetting that they are not taking this seriously. What a stressful situation to be in.

I am glad that you filed a police report.

I think I would have to consider pulling my child from the school based on their insufficuent response. What other things are they not taking seriously?

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

The whole story is upsetting enough but the school's reaction, or lack thereof, is horrifying, They MAY have a meeting with John and his parents?? They are mandated reporters. THEY should be reporting the incident and concerns about John to CPS! I am a mandated reporter. It is not my role to decide if something is serious enough or not. If there is a real concern, I report. It's the job of CPS (or DCF here in FLorida) to decide if they are going to take the report and investigate.
I know that good childcare is not easy to find but I would 100% be pulling my child from the school ASAP if nothing else, because of their attitude about this whole situation.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Posted by Pomegranate5

Posted by skinny

The original story was troubling, but I am honestly shocked at the school's response. It's very upsetting that they are not taking this seriously. What a stressful situation to be in.

I am glad that you filed a police report.

I think I would have to consider pulling my child from the school based on their insufficuent response. What other things are they not taking seriously?

I agree with all of this.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I'm so so so so sorry you are going through this Absolutely horrible! I can't imagine Many to you!

I have to say I think the school is really 100 percent at fault here. This should have never been allowed to happen - REPEATEDLY no less - in the first place. Their reaction was nowhere near what it should have been but, my guess is, they are muting their response because they see how south this situation can go for all involved including liability on the part of the school!

I understand not wanting to pull your child from the school with only a month left but, I would want TOTAL assurance that my son would NEVER be in the same room with this child again or anywhere near him - NEVER. I would make that an absolute or I would not even consider sending my child back. I also think that if the school doesn't reach out to the parents you should force the issue. And, finally, it wouldn't be a bad idea to have someone talk to your son so he doesn't mimic this behavior.

Again, I'm so so so sorry you are dealing with this awful situation. The entire story makes me sick to my stomach and nervous. The worst part about this is that it was totally preventable. SHAME ON the school

ETA: What Montessori school is this?

Message edited 5/15/2013 10:45:42 AM.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Pull your kid from that school! Their response is way to blasé for my taste. This is serious stuff.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

My heart is absolutely broken for you.

I would pull my kid, if not immediately, definitely at the end of the year. The school's reaction was terrible. I am upset for you and for your son!

Your husband, and you, did the right thing by calling the police.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Actually sounds like the response my director would give Loathe that woman!

That said, I know my kid still goes to a school where I disagree with the administration. But the class itself is a different story. She is taken care of though out numbered. She is also in a 3-5 class and it has 24 students.

Bathrooms are privacy areas. The children are not allowed to go in there with groups. That said, it happens. Once with 3 girls who all took their clothes off then opened up the Containers of spare clothes, dumped them on the floor to ‘share’. The teacher walked in on three giggling naked girls and a pile of unmarked clothes. Ok so it happens. But they SHOULD know who’s in the bathroom at all times. In her class they have to get a pass, even tho its in the same room with them.

If something like this happened I would have EXPECTED a better answer and frankly I’d be pissed with the answer you got. Oh and kudos for your hubby on reporting it. I find that the Montessori way is to NOT report anything as much as you can.

Montessori in concept and small numbers is great. But when its just used as a guideline and the classes are too large its a nightmare!

Message edited 5/15/2013 11:34:12 AM.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

The director's response is disturbing to say the least. You and your DH handled the situation perfectly.

Personally, I would notify the director that you made a report. I would also notify the director that my DS will be attending school elsewhere next year. It seems to me the director is more interested in protecting its own reputation then the well being of the children in the program.

Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Pull.him.out.
It was really nice of you to be concerned about John...but now he is a second time offender.
Your son is 3? At that point, it should be colors and letters...not good touch and bad touch. That should be done at home.
I would not want them telling my kid about bad touches if my kids came home with bad touch info and nothing on their side was really done about it.
And, I am an alarmist. There is no laid back to me. With that said, take it with a grain of salt....but I would want message followed through to my kid.
Thank you for telling me what happened. I am going to solve this issue with information you gave. Safety is number one to me and your happiness. I think you will be better off somewhere else right now because what John did was not really nice.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Oh this is bad. On so many levels....

Your son is NOT being watched appropriately at all. If a child has enough time to touch him like that, something is horribly wrong in that classroom. I would tell the director that I am calling the police because my child is in danger.

As your son is demonstrating..., kids do what is done to them. John is having this done to them. Teachers are mandated reporters. It is illegal to observe this behavior and not look into it and report it. If they're wrong.... Then super. But they did their jobs. If they're right, then John and all the students in this class will be safe.

I would be raising holy hell. My child is in THEIR care, and they allow him to be sexually molested by an older child???? I would go everything in my power to make sure this is addressed. And then everything outside of my power. And then I would pull my child out of the school.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Absolutely go to the school. Absolutely. This is a very serious matter. I hope you can get some answers quickly.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I just read your update and no matter what comes of it, you absolutely had to go the route you did to protect your child and other children (and the child himself if he is a victim).

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Just for the record - one of the main tenets of Montessori is a mixed-age classroom. The fact that a 3yo and a 5yo are in the same class is extremely common in a Montessori program.


However - clearly the supervision at this school is sorely lacking! I am appalled that they had knowledge of this child and his behavior and never reported it. Now a second child is a victim, and it easily could have been avoided had they proper, legally-mandated channels been followed the first time.

Kudos to you and your DH for doing the right thing. It's a shame the school didn't do the right thing originally. I would be raising holy hell until the issue is satisfactorily resolved. John needs one-on-one supervision, IMO, until a thorough investigation can be completed.

Message edited 5/15/2013 8:26:59 PM.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I am a social worker who worked in a residential program with sexually abusive youth (children who sexually abused other children and were caught/arrested/sent to my program for treatment). Children touching children after a certain age in development is not appropriate or "normal". I am not really fairly at the schools lack of urgency behind this, although, maybe they are actually doing more than they are telling you (such as talking to "John" and/or his family). Often times schools do not act as swiftly as we would think they would. This has a lot to do with the politics of the school and, unfortunately, misinformed or uneducated staff and faculty about sexual abuse. I am not making a blanket statement for all schools/teachers/staff. This is what my experience was when working with this population and finding out the lack of response from schools.

Always trust your gut. If you do not feel comfortable sending your son there, don't! It's better to be safe than sorry. I would file a report with the police, to have it documented, as your DH said. There is no harm in this.

I just want to add that CPS will not accept a call when there is child on child abuse. CPS only becomes involved when ADULTS abuse children. However, if you call The mandated reported line in Albany for CPS, they will begin what's called a "law enforcement report". This means that The mandated reporter line takes the information, but passes it down to the local police department to handle. The police investigate and, if necessary, call CPS if there is suspect of a child being abuse or an adult knowing that a child was being abused and did not act and report it.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I also want to add that research shows that children who sexually act out are actually NOT victims of sexual abuse themselves. Now, at the age of 5 children mimic what they SEE and what is done to them. It is very possible that he is witnessing abuse but is not being touched himself. This, in itself, is abuse. Children viewing pornography is abuse and CPS can be called on the adult that allowed the child to view pornography. Same with having a child watch sexual activity.

For these reasons (in addition to your sons report and your efforts to have it addressed) the school needs to be doing more.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

You did the right thing for reporting.

Honestly, I'd pull my kid from there. Ds had a bad daycarel, where he was getting injured, and some could have been worse then it was... I only told the school, never called the state dept.... I was going to wait til a certain time to pull him, but ended up pulling him 3 months early, because I just didn't have trust in the teachers and director.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

I am very disturbed by the school's laidback response to this situation, especially that the director was aware of the first incident and did not inform the head teacher, so that she could take the proper precautions. It is possible that they are doing more or are aware of more about John and his family than they are telling you, due to confidentiality, but you should be given 100% assurance that your son will not be left unsupervised with this child under any circumstance. I truly do not feel that I would be comfortable continuing to send my child there next year. You and your DH handled everything beautifully. I commend you for keeping such a level head while dealing with such an unthinkable issue.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Any other updates? I keep checking back. This situation is really bothering me.

Re: Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

xx edited xx

Thank you all SO much for your responses.

Message edited 6/1/2013 2:46:56 PM.

Incident with another child at my son's preschool - if you are a teacher or child psychologist, I could really use someone's input/advice...

Lucky, i can tell by your responses and initial post that you are caring, understanding, and laid back. I think you are probably non-confrontational, non-dramatic, and don't want to stir up trouble. You probably want what's best for your kids, and I don't blame you for keeping them there. Considering you thoroughly researched the school and felt comfortable enough to send all of your children there, it probably is a good school. I just hope that they take this incident/incidents as a serious wake-up call to get a better handle on the supervision of these kids. Considering they've had a heads up on John before (beyond the touching genitals incident), they now really need to be on the ball.
Hold them to it, and keep up the great work! Kudos to you for not letting this disrupt your childrens' lives!