Anyone else alone?

My parents moved to NC and ILs both sadly passed away. So it's just me and DH taking care of DD. I love her to pieces but it's really hard. We both work full time, I work nights so I am opposite DH. I take care of her all day, work all night, the nights I'm off I get up with DD if she wakes up. I'm just sooo tired. And then my parents ask when I'm having another. Forget DD is 7months. I have no help and I just posted yesterday or so that daycare is getting me and DD sick all the time.I cant imagine ever having another. When I ask other moms I work with how do you do it they just answer... you just do. That doesn't help me very much. I wish I had more family support

Re: Anyone else alone?

I'm not alone- but I just wanted to offer some I can't imagine how hard it is!

Do you have friends with children? Any extended family around?

Anyone else alone?

i moved! LOL

Altho my inlaws lived in brooklyn we rarely saw them and they never visited or helped at all with the baby. They didn't even see her again until she was 4m old. My father lives out of state (still does). We had friends but none we would at that time burden. So we were on our own. Sure she got sick. But its part of the deal. I wouldn't let family care for her because I believe her getting sick earlier is a good thing as is all that comes with daycare.

Now I live in TX and yes, she has auntie who is a HUGE help and beyond fantastic! But thats it.. Just auntie and uncle. No one else. Parents are now both out of state. Yeah.. we just do. Its hard to hear folks complain about this or that with having to share holidays etc when we never have that issue. But everyone has their set of hurdles. Honestly time goes by and you look back thinking how did I do all that? I moved to TX when she was 9m.. those first 9m seem like a blur now. The first month we shared the living room floor of my aunt's house and I had a 26mi commute that took up to 45min to drive.. but that too is a blur in my past. Our tiny apt in NY is a endearing memory now. Our cruddy apt in TX is more or less an example of how not to live! LOL but we just take one step at a time really.

Cherish what you can have and try not to dwell on what you can not have.

*hugs*

Re: Anyone else alone?

TY for you support.

I was getting upset because I was trying to get DD down for a nap so I can wash my uniform and take a nap before i work all night.

And daycare has been a nightmare! I know daycare and germs go hand in hand and can be a good thing... but not when I'm getting sick and missing work and getting in trouble. It's just not work it. I paid for a whole week of daycare for 4 hours of care. Such a waste.

Anyone else alone?

yeah those first two years are hard.. all I can say is they do get better. Even with family near, we can't use them when AJ is out sick so I feel ya on the days off and stress. its a lot better nowadays.

I dont know if this helps.. but when I got hit hard by the blues I just tell myself over and over again "This can't last, she will grow up. She won't be 2 (3 or 4 or even 5) forever, I just have to get through this"

Re: Anyone else alone?

Anyone else alone?

Me!

I moved OOS so I tell myself I can't complain. DH's family (sister and brother) is here but they are worthless! They ask all the time when we are having another and I tell them how hard it is and I hear well, I had 3 yadda yadda. Well ya and you also had help!! Dumbasses.

It sux so I feel your pain but, I agree with the OP. It does/will get better. And sometimes when I feel like its too much, I remind myself that I will never have this day again and I immediately change my tune.

Re: Anyone else alone?

Seriously! Call me! I can help out. I've finally got a great routine going on with both the girls, and I can totally watch your little one so you can rest. Especially 9-3 when Mimi itI school. The girls can play.



I think about you often. I couldnt imagine how hard it must be for you and Dave.


As far as being alone. I'm lucky if I can get someone here once a month for a date night. I'm def disappointed in a few people. Let's just say I don't owe anyone any favors.

Anyone else alone?

Working and daycare can be tough. The kids def get sick more int he begining but it gets better. Also send your DD unless they are throwing up, fever or the poops. My DS is sick all the time but has only missed daycare a day or two because I pay for it I am sendign him....also, the other parents send their kid with jsut a cold.

We have my ILs around but we really don't use them for weekends and stuff. I have become an expert at multi tasking....it helps that my laundry is in the kitchen so I am constantly doign wash and ds plays at my feet.

Also once you can leave DD alone for more than a sec it gets easier....Hang in there

Anyone else alone?

I'm not in your situation but I feel for you! Is there any way you could switch to working days? I worked 12 hour night shifts for over 2 years when I was single and had no kids . . . THAT was even tough. You might be different from me but I really think working nights alone is so hard on your body/mental state. Switching from being up days and nights constantly really took a huge toll on me. I felt exhausted and just "off" no matter how much sleep I got.

Again, the night shift might work just fine for you but it was really hard for me. It might be worth the extra money for childcare just so you can have a more normal sleep pattern.

Re: Anyone else alone?

Us!

Although we sometimes had my stepdaughters help out, we have been alone. In 6 years I can count on one hand how many date nights we've had.

Its one of the reasons, that and financial, that we only have one. He's 6, so its getting easier. But I am almost 40. So that's that!

Re: Anyone else alone?

I am alone. I don't "Work", I am SAHM but I can only imagine how hard it is for you, since it feels so hard for me to never have anyone to watch my DC for even a few mins. I give you so much credit to be able to watch your DC all day then also work at night. This is partly why I only have my DD who is 4.5. It just has been so difficult that I am glad to finally have some freedom now that she is in school for a few hrs a day. And I really do feel for you to also have to be sick and have a child who is sick from daycare. That must be very rough.

Message edited 5/15/2013 7:40:19 PM.

Re: Anyone else alone?

Same boat, except DD is 2. I live out of state, my mother died, and in laws are in NY. We have zero help and both work full time, DH more like 70 hrs/wk. DD goes to daycare, and that first year was hard with the constant being sick, but it will get better!
What last yr would have been a cold->bronchitis->ear infections, is now just a little cold.
We don't even have a reliable sitter, so I feel your pain! It's very hard, and this is a huge reason why I'm on the fence about having another.

Anyone else alone?

We're technically not alone since we do have some family that lives nearby, but none of them help us. Ever. Dd is also 7 months and no one has watched her for us or come over to help with anything ever including when she was a newborn. My ILs live all of about 2 min away but they both work so I guess they just don't have time to offer any help. I'm not working but DH works nights and sleeps most of the day so it's basically been just me taking care of DDs every single need since she's been born. DH spends time with her as much as possible but with his schedule he really doesn't get to see her much at all. I can count on one hand the times I've spent away from DD and each time has never been for more than an hour just to run an errand while DH stayed home with her. I constantly wonder how I could do all this again while also taking care of a toddler without any help. I can honestly say I envy those who can just drop their baby off with their mom or MIL if they need a break.

Re: Anyone else alone?

yes... with twins. my parents live in Albany, my inlaws live in fl. It is really hard!!! we work separate shifts and have 1 great babysitter that is capable of handling the 2 of them, but only go out once every few months when she is available.

Re: Anyone else alone?

first

we are on our own with the twins

my mom is paralyzed from a stroke and my dad is not a baby holder

i have 3 sisters,oldest is a single mom to 4 kids one special needs,my other sis has 2 kids and my last is not a kid person at all

they have their own lives and kids and plates full

my mil for some reason i have no idea why says hello and seems like she wants to hold and watch the kids but yet never does,ever and they r 6 months old...and i live downstairs form her

so since day 1 24 hrs a day i have been with my twins

i totally get the u just do it,and i do but yes i am exhausted

Re: Anyone else alone?

Thank you ladies. It's so nice to hear from people in the same boat! I hear people all the time talk about how their parents watch the kids for them or look at me crazy because I use daycare.

Re: Anyone else alone?

Re: Anyone else alone?

its kinda like you just do it ... they eventually start kindergarden, they eventually sit on potty themselves.... Ive got bags under my eyes and I still gotta get ready to drop kids to daycare and go to work.

I think thats why alot of people are having less kids, or waiting longer...

the day of SAHM or grandparents watching isnt as easy as pour parents had it

Message edited 5/16/2013 7:13:17 AM.

Re: Anyone else alone?

We moved OOS, so we have no family close enough, and its been hard meeting new people. Im a SAHM though and im exhausted, so I have no idea how u r doing it, I give u a ton of credit and hope things get easier for you soon!