MIL and furniture issue

Sorry if this is long... just wanted to get some advice... so a few months ago MIL mentioned how she wanted to purchase our baby furniture, as well as my BIL and his wife's baby furniture (she is due a few weeks after me). She works 6 days a week and makes very little money, and so DH and I felt bad about having her pay for the furniture, we much rather her choose something off the registry that she can afford... So a few months later, we ordered the furniture and my mother actually paid for the crib & 2 dressers (she insisted, to be "fair" since she paid more for my sister's baby shower a few years ago since I will be having half the amount of people) and I bought the glider myself. Yesterday we went out to dinner with MIL for a late mothers day dinner and MIL brought up the furniture. I mentioned I had ordered it already (I made no mention of my mom paying for most of it since that would have probably set her off) and my BIL told her "don't worry about it, we got it" (since they probably felt the same way that I do, that their mother makes very little money and it would probably be a financial strain on her buying 2 furniture sets). She then started turning red and broke down and started crying that she feels like an outcast, that she's not allowed to buy anything nice for her grandchildren, and she doesn't want to buy something off the registry like anyone else. She left the restaurant upset. I feel bad but now how do I approach this? Do I have DH call her and ask her if she wants to give us money for the glider? I wouldn't mind stuff off the registry since we really do need it!

Re: MIL and furniture issue

I completely understand your view. You didnt want her to be in debt just bc of the furniture. And I also understand her view, as the grandmother she want to be able to buy something special for her grandchildren. Tough spot.

Definitely have DH call her and explain to her your reason for not having her pay obviously still not letting her know your mom paid for most. Then maybe you can tell her "OK, if you really want to do this it was $xxx for everything." But to make you guys feel better I would tell her less then what it was. Like if it all cost $1200 tell her it was $600 or $700 instead. Tha way she feels like she paid for it all and you'll feel better about putting financial stress on her. Then put the money towards something else you could use for the baby.

Re: MIL and furniture issue

That is a tough and sad situation.

My MIL also insisted on buying the crib. We had one specifically picked out and MIL still wanted to buy it- but just complained and complained about how expensive it was ($320 by the way) and how it wasn't what she would have picked herself. My mom was willing to pay for it also, so we tried to say to her we have it covered. She got upset and immediately went out and bought it so that she could be the one to get it for us and no one else. It was a very awkward situation. Now I have to constantly hear how expensive it was and which credit card she paid for it with and daily reminders about how she got the crib for DD... she really needs a lot of pats on the back.

What I'm trying to say... is from my experience... No matter how much of a burden it might have been for her to get it, it was obviously very important to her and something she felt like she needed and wanted to do. She doesn't want to just give you money or buy something off the registry... she was emotionally invested in the furniture. She didn't need to buy your whole set. I would say, return the glider if you can and then let her buy that 1 piece herself or say OK, we have this piece and that piece of furniture but we thought you could gift us (one piece that is left to be bought or that you bought and can let her pay for instead). If it would make her happy, then I say let her contribute- it is her choice how she uses her money (whether she has it or not). It was nice of you and DH to try and protect her and give her an out but it seems she does not want one.

Re: MIL and furniture issue

Re: MIL and furniture issue

my mil works two jobs and insisted on buying us our crib. turns out the set we wanted was available at one store so we bought all pieces right away. dh told her she was a little upset but when he explained to her why we did it she no longer was upset. she keeps asking us how much it was so she can cut us a check.

in the end we didnt feel like it was our place to tell her she couldnt buy it. its her first grandchild from her first born. she wants to do all she can. we do feel bad that she wants to spend all this money but she is a grown up who can budget and make her own decissions.

oh and i would have dh talk to his mom about this or all 3 of you together. no need for you to do it alone.

good luck

Re: MIL and furniture issue

Re: MIL and furniture issue

What if you have her pay half? My mil is in a situation like yours and wanted to buy our furniture. My mom also wanted to buy it so they split down the middle. That way it's less on mil and you can use the excuse your mom wanted to buy it too.

Re: MIL and furniture issue

Tell her this is how much it costs and you guys appreciate anything she gives towards it.

Re: MIL and furniture issue

Your poor MIL I think it's so sweet that she offered to pay, how do you know she hasn't been saving for a long time to be able to give you this gift? I would apologize my arse off to her, and say that you never meant to hurt her feelings, then tell her that you would be grateful for any gift she gave.

Good luck