How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

My mom called me to let me know that my MIL called her to discuss the shower, and to tell her she is buying us the crib... but spent most of the time complaining to my mother about me.

Apparently MIL told my mom that I am "fussy" and "particular" over things (because we have a registry). She is anti-registries and seems upset she couldn't choose the crib herself. DH told her that HE picked the crib and that HE was the picky one about it- but she is still blaming me for having on our list "a $400 crib that converts into a toddler bed". With the 20% off coupon, it should only be about $320 and the fact that it converts into a bed later, only makes it an even better investment. Plus, no one asked her to buy it. In fact, my parents wanted to buy the crib for me but MIL is insisting that they are going to buy it for us.

She also wanted to bring the crib to the restaurant for the shower and SET IT UP and have my mom put all of the presents in it. My mom told her no- she didn't think the crib would fit in the restaurant. Yes, that would look cool and all but I don't think it is practical. I said that is still a bad idea because 1. it'll get all scratched up 2. it's just silly to have to set it up and then have to take it down and re-set it up at home 3. it does weaken the screws and security of the crib. Well my mom said that MIL said I would probably worry about her messing up the crib anyway (which obviously, i proved her thoughts to be right- but is that so horrible of me as she is making it out to be?)

I am also very short and my mom said she was saying things like "your daughter is so little, she is not even going to be able to pick the baby out of the crib" She always says things that make it like I won't be able to take care of my DD.

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

Ew what is her deal? I already hate her for you! You need to tell her where to go! Or at least have DH tall her. It sounds like she is jealous or something.

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

Ugh, this isnt the first time youve had problems with this woman right?

Your DH needs to talk to her and tell her to lay off. Whats her deal anyway? Why all the negativity? And she thinks the best person to talk shyt about you to is your own mother??!? Sounds like a real moster in law. Bleh. Sorry you are going through this. Try to ignore her and just enjoy this time in your life.

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

Ugh! We went through something similar when I was pregnant with my twins. MIL told us they were going to buy the furniture for them. Ok, great,very much appreciated. Then a few months later as it got a little closer she mentioned something about going to BRU one day to "pick out the furniture for the babies." Being that DH and I had already decided on the exact set that we wanted, I looked at her like Once we told her we picked it out already she was all huffy puffy and made it clear that she wanted to pick it out. Ummm...I understand you are paying for it but I dont think that gives you the right to pick it out. Especially a big item like furniture. I would rather pay for it myself then hear all the complaining about it. She's also very against registries and won't buy from them. ("Why am I going to buy something I dont like?" BECAUSE IT'S WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANTS!)

And the whole bring the crib to the resturaunt idea is odd to me too. Sounds like she wants it there for a "Look what we bought!" reason. I wouldn't want it there for the same reasons you said.

Sorry you have to deal with all this, just be strong and dont let her get her way. Your baby. Your way. And try to have DH deal with her for you.

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

wow, i would be really upset!! totally not right of her to insist on buying the crib and then complain non-stop about it ... especially to your mom!!!

sorry you have to deal with that

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

I would be livid.

But I would also think she's looking for a reaction. I mean she complained to your mom about you? She clearly knew you would find out and be upset.

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

I'd be irritated. Especially since she complained to YOUR mom. That's very rude in my opinion. Everything she said is annoying, but the thing that really sticks out to me is that it's a BAD idea to set up the crib in the restaurant. Yes, it can and probably will get scratched, and why assemble it just to have to take it all apart and reassemble it? That could very well strip the screws and make the crib unsafe. It sucks that you have to deal with this. If someone wants to buy you a gift they should NOT complain about it at all. That takes the whole point out of doing something nice for someone. Can your DH explain to her that even if people didn't have registries back when she was pregnant, pretty much every one has a registry today, and it just makes sense to. Your child is going to be sleeping in that crib in your home and you should be happy with it. It kind of sounds to me like she just wants to buy the crib to show off at the shower to show everyone what a great gift she got you. I would put my foot down and say absolutely under no circumstances do you want the crib set up at the shower. It's impractical. If you want to be nice and let her show off a little, maybe display a picture of the crib on the gift table so everyone can see what she got you

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

Posted by cds58019

Ugh! We went through something similar when I was pregnant with my twins. MIL told us they were going to buy the furniture for them. Ok, great,very much appreciated. Then a few months later as it got a little closer she mentioned something about going to BRU one day to "pick out the furniture for the babies." Being that DH and I had already decided on the exact set that we wanted, I looked at her like Once we told her we picked it out already she was all huffy puffy and made it clear that she wanted to pick it out. Ummm...I understand you are paying for it but I dont think that gives you the right to pick it out. Especially a big item like furniture. I would rather pay for it myself then hear all the complaining about it. She's also very against registries and won't buy from them. ("Why am I going to buy something I dont like?" BECAUSE IT'S WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANTS!)

And the whole bring the crib to the resturaunt idea is odd to me too. Sounds like she wants it there for a "Look what we bought!" reason. I wouldn't want it there for the same reasons you said.

Sorry you have to deal with all this, just be strong and dont let her get her way. Your baby. Your way. And try to have DH deal with her for you.

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

Listen, my MIL says the same kind of things - you just have to come to an understanding that, to her, you are "weird" and she will never understand your point of view on ANYTHING!! Believe me, it will only get a million times worse when the baby comes. Just put up the SUPER BABY SHIELD - it will deflect highly obnoxious, rude, degrading and just annoying comments!! Works well on any situation! LOL
But seriously, just let is roll off your back - as long as you are confident in YOUR decision regarding anything, don't worry about it! (Because she will always make comments!)

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

I would be so pissed! I don't think you're wrong at all in your reaction, especially about the crib. Seems cumbersome AND unsafe to set up and then dismantle...not to mention lots of hours wasted by someone who had that task. Plus, you're going to get lots of gifts at your shower, and trunk space is limited...why add a big bulky crib in the mix.

My ILs don't get me either. I'm from here and they are from upstate/the country. They have called me "Miss New York" from the day I met them because they think I am uppity and only want the best of the best. I've spent years trying to convince them that just because I like places like Banana Republic and Ann Taylor instead of the thrift store doesn't mean I'm a snob, but I've just given up trying to explain myself. I just do a lot of private eye rolling. :)

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

sounds like my mom with my sister.....

my mom gave her grief for picking out a white metal crib........ sisters inlaws ended up footing the $1,000. to buy it from Fortunoffs..... mom also refused to buy anything off the registry......

All I can say is, you learn how to deal with your own kids by example of what to/not to do....

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

Re: How would you feel about this? (MIL related)

*****!