The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

so...after going back and forth on the other thread and finding myself getting emotional. I decided to create this thread. I have been thinking about this for a while but the latest thread has made it crystal clear that I have to work out my mommy guilt issues re: my unsuccessful attempt at breastfeeding.

I can see there are other moms on here who also carry that guilt so maybe WE need a support thread too?

I'll start it off.

After giving birth to my son I had crazy high blood pressure, fever. The dr was ready to give me a blood transfusion. My son latched immediately after birth. I let him breastfeed right after they cleaned him up. That was my wish. Later that evening Peter was SCREAMING...I went from boob to boob for HOURS. he just kept SCREAMING. I called for a lactation consultant but bc it was night there was nobody available. nobody would help me even though I couldn't get him to stop crying. I told the nurse that he seemed like maybe he was still hungry so she just said "you want formula?" so I said "I guess...I don't know what to do he seems like he's not getting anything!" so she gave me nursettes of enfamil and as soon as he got it he immediately stopped crying. I continued trying to BF but he never seemed to be full and just kept screaming. No lactation consultant ever came to help me.

When I got home I continued to BF and pump ...not getting much of anything when I pumped. Just enough to cover the bottom of the bottle. I was still getting dizzy from the high blood pressure. I kept drinking lots of water but bc I kept getting dizzy I took 2 days off from bfing...then my milk came in and I continued but only got 1 oz or less combined. I kept bfing and supplementing for 2.5 months. I tried fenugreek & mothers milk...but still could not get more than 1 oz.

I feel alot of guilt. I feel mad that I never got help from a LC...I feel cheated! I sometimes wonder...if I had gotten the help when I needed it...would the outcome have been different? I have no problem with Formula...my boy is developing just fine. But I can't help but feel like I missed out on an experience that I very much wanted. I'm getting a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I type this.

I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I feel like I should just be glad that I have my son and that he is healthy...but there are times I miss it. I miss providing that comfort for him. I do feel guilty, I do sometimes feel like a failure.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

I had guilt in the beginning, because I felt kind of selfish. DD was born in NS Manhasset very pro breast feeding, I even had a consultant work with me one on one in my room. We did skin to skin, she found the boob, latched and was drinking away it was amazing! As soon as I got home I was sooo sleep deprived and could barely stay awake to feed her 4 times a night, she would scream and kept wanting more. I decided that I wanted to pump so I can see how much shes drinking and I was successful until her demand went up and I wasn't producing enough. I didn't know that there were techniques and vitamins to increase my supply. I then decided to supplement with formula only during the night then I saw how satisfied she was and how convenient it was and decided to stop pumping (since I wasn't making enough) and started with formula. I pumped for about a month.

Since I didn't BF much, I got over my guilt by making her homemade solids with fresh veggies and fruit. It was the least I could do for her and it made me feel so much better.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

i would probably call my story a success based on what i had to deal with, but it was by no means the breastfeeding experience i had dreamed of so i think its worth sharing on this thread for anyone else in a similar situation.

i planned on BFing all along. i wasnt against formula but i def wanted the bond of BFing. well my DD was born at 33w due to severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. i was on magnesium and morphine for 36 hours after the birth and she was in the NICU. i didn't see her until almost 48 hours after she was born and at that point i hadn't pumped or nursed and she was getting fed from a feeding tube. i lost half my blood volume during my csection and had 4 blood transfusions and a platelet transfusion after the surgery. i have PCOS also. all of these things combined severely hurt my supply. on day 3 after birth i started pumping but i was so sick that i couldn't really start pumping every 3 hours until day 5 or 6 post partum. on day 7 post partum i was able to nurse for the first time in the NICU. it was amazing, and she latched like a champ. i could obviously only nurse a few times a day because she was in the NICU. i pumped when I could but i almost always got less than 1/2oz. sometimes in the morning i would get 3-4oz but that's the most i would ever produce and i could never ever keep up with her demand, she was supplemented with formula the entire time. i tried oatmeal and more milk plus and other supplements and would get a minor boost but it was usually temporary. in the NICU the nursing was just bonus, a bottle of formula or breastmilk always followed. when she came home a month later, i finally started nursing at every feeding. i still followed with a bottle and i still pumped. i pumped as much as i could but i could never get more than 1 or 2 bottles a day from pumping and she was never satisfied from nursing alone. so we nursed and supplemented. at 6m old i gave up pumping, i was down to 2 sessions a day and getting less than a half oz. combined and she was eating 6oz bottles at that point. at 9m i stopped nursing. i really wanted to get to 1 year but after starting solids she sort of figured out that my boob was like an appetizer to her real meal. so we were down to just the morning nursing session and she stopped being interested in the boob altogether so i reluctantly stopped.

the whole experience was bittersweet. im glad i was able to nurse and bond especially with her being in the NICU for a month. but i never could nourish her from boob alone which made me sad. i did the most with what i had, and what i had wasn't much. im proud that i was able to get to 9m even though towards the end she wasn't getting much. so it def wasn't the EBF experience I wanted but i did what i could. so you could say it was successful but in my mind it still wasn't enough and i always feel like i could've done more to boost my supply.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

i just want to say that i commend you all for doing the best that you could do. i know you feel unsuccessful, but really, who determines that? even if you gave them a day, or a week, or a month, you did what you could because you love your child so much. One of you said that you make your own baby food. i think that's awesome, and takes alot of dedication. you should be proud of yourselves, truly sorry to crash your thread, but i just wanted to express that to you all.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

I had all intentions of BF for as long as possible, and EBF for the first 3 months. In reality, I knew with going back to work FT when DS was 4 mos old, that I was going to have to get him used to bottle and formula before then. But at 3 weeks it all went down hill...

At 19 days old DS was admitted to Stony Brook for apnea due to reflux. He literally stopped breathing and turned blue 2x. It was so scary. He was also gaining weight very slowly, although he was nursing like a fiend. Thank gd he was born at 8 lbs, so he had a little weight to work with. At 3 wks old he was only 8 lbs 2 oz, then 3.5 weeks 7 lbs 14.5 oz. That's when they said it was me - my supply. I felt like I failed as a mom. I felt broken. The plan was to thicken his feedings to attempt to decrease his spit-up. He also had to have a certain amount of ounces/day. That meant that if he was to get BM I had to pump. So I tried, with little success. I would pump every 2 hours and get anywhere from 0-2 oz for both boobs combined. I was also nursing him for as long as he wanted 2x/night, then pumping after. So exhausting. I was on fenugreek, drinking mothers milk tea, eating oatmeal, you name it. Eventually I was basically nursing him to pacify and also for that bonding sensation, no longer for his nutrition. I swear nursing gave me this natural high that I was so sad to lose. I would cry tears of joy at least once a day while nursing him. The last day I nursed him was his 3 mo birthday. I met my goal... Sort of.

As the PP mentioned, I make up for it (emotionally to me anyway), by making all of his organic food.

Some theories for my low supply: I have hypothyroidism and apparently this could affect supply (if my thyroid levels were off PP, which they tend to do). I did not know this until after the fact and have yet to have my levels checked. Also, I have implants. Although my plastic surgeon said this would not affect breastfeeding, my mother found some boards where people were posting about a decreased supply around 3 wks PP.

I will try again when #2 comes along some day!

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Great thread !!!

To make a really long story short. My twins were born 2 months early, via emergency c section. Babies do not develop the suck swallow reflex till 34ish weeks. My boys had to be fed by tubes and kept in incubators. I didn't even get to hold Baby B till he was a week old. He had 2 sugeries before he was 2 weeks old. My milk was delayed coming in bc of the above and then the stress was not helping. I treid to pump the month they were in NICU....i would pump every 2-3 around the clock and pitfully only get a half an ounce IF that. Everntually nothing came out:((

Everytime I walked into the NICU and saw my sweet babies plugged up to a hundred different tubes I would literally want to die when nurse after nurse would ask Did you bring any milk??? You know its medicine for them? every. single. day. for 4 weeks

I had incredible guilt that I couldn't hold them in till they were ready, I had guilt that I could not give them bm, oy we had a rough start

It took months to get over it, hell to be honest I still harp on the what ifs. I really wished I was able to, but I try to focus on the fact that my kids are happy and healthy. Every single thing I do is for them. So hopefully they forgive me , and maybe one day I'll forgive myself.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Posted by MrsC614

i just want to say that i commend you all for doing the best that you could do. i know you feel unsuccessful, but really, who determines that? even if you gave them a day, or a week, or a month, you did what you could because you love your child so much. One of you said that you make your own baby food. i think that's awesome, and takes alot of dedication. you should be proud of yourselves, truly sorry to crash your thread, but i just wanted to express that to you all.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Posted by maybemommy10

Every single thing I do is for them. So hopefully they forgive me , and maybe one day I'll forgive myself.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Posted by 8ternity
I got over my guilt by making her homemade solids with fresh veggies and fruit. It was the least I could do for her and it made me feel so much better.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

I am actually going through a rough time with this right now.

DS wasn't able to latch from the begining. I worked so hard with the LC in the hospital and a private LC. But it just didnt work out for us. Here is my story..

When we were in the hospital we would attempt the breast, then after 30mins I would pump and spoon feed him. (I was scared of nipple confusion). All this would take an hour, and I did this every 2 hrs. The drs and nurses kept saying that he wasn't urinating enough and was losing (almost too much) weight. I was so scared and stressed.

After we were dc'd home every 2hrs I had the same routine, except I started bottle feeding because my milk came in and I thought spoon feeding was silly at that point. I was exhausted, sore, stressed, and worried.
I worked with an LC at my home and she trained DS to keep his tounge down, showed me proper technique, and gave me a nipple shield to help with the latch. The plan was that he was taking the breast and supplementing with a BM bottle after the breast. We went for a wt check and he did great, gained! Ok, new plan wean off of the supplement. By the next day I dropped the bottle completely. Just nursing every 3hrs using the shield. Well next weight check, not so great. Didn't gain much, plus needed blood work for his jaundice. I was so upset. Beyond stressed that I was harming my son. The dr was reassuring and said to add more feedings and he'll do fine, we just need to watch him. I just couldn't handle the unknown of what he was/wasn't getting from the breast. Am I starving him? Is he having trouble sucking the milk out? I was constantly in contact with my LC and she was amazing and going to come for another visit to assess DS. but knowing that this was going to be a long stressful road I knew that my emotions couldnt handle it.

My stomach was constantly in knots. I dreaded every single feeding because it felt like someone was ripping my nipples off. Even when I wasn't nursing it felt like my nipples were on fire. And this was with a shield! I was MISERABLE. Plain and simple, miserable! Turns out I have thrush, which was most likely causing the pain.

It was during a nursing session where I broke down hysterically and I then realized that is not fair to do to my son, myself or our relationship. I made the very hard decision to stop nursing and to pump, knowing that I will wean off and he will be transitioned to formula. A mother should enjoy feeding her child. I dreaded it, counted down the minutes til it ended and then just stressed til the next feed.

I felt and still feel so guilty. I feel guilty weaning off of pumping too. But I hate it. I'm not happy doing it. It gives me this icky, indescribable feeling. DS is one month old today and will have his last bottle of breast milk some time this week. For the past 10 days he's been getting formula at night and BM bottles during the day.

I'm going to cry the day he receives his last bottle of breast milk. I hope that I'm making the right decision.


Sorry I didn't realize how long this was.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

don't be sorry...this is the place to let it all OUT. Stress is a HUGE factor...wether it's from medical issues or other. Stress can totally kill supply too. I also feel like babies pick up on that energy...they can feel that stress and tension.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

I think so too and I didn't want him affected by my stress and crying all the time. I wasn't enjoying time with my brand new baby. Not fair! To anyone, DH included. Now that I'm bottle feeding, I LOVE feeding him. Cuddling with him and his baba.

Oh, I want to add that I know that one day he would be able to latch. whether it's 5 months from now. And despite loathing the pump, I would love to be able to EP, but I feel like I have no time! He constantly needs to be held. How is one supposed to pump every 2-3hrs when their child is crying for their touch. Ahhh.. It's a lose-lose situation! I'd rather pick him up to comfort and soothe him.

Ugh.. I feel so crappy! I always wanted to EBF. I never imagined any other scenario. Guilt, guilt, guilt!

Message edited 3/13/2012 11:45:30 PM.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

I will start off by saying that I had a breast reduction almost 11 years ago. My surgeon told me at the time that he believes he did it in a way to save my milk ducts so I could BF. I was 21, and was like ok whatever.

I had a failed induction, and after 27 hours of laboring and 3 hours of pushing, I had a C/S. My recovery was difficult, and the hospital staff was largely unhelpful, to the point of rudeness (which ended several times with me crying). For the first couple of days of her life I nursed her, but her weight was rapidly dropping and she was jaundiced. On the advice of the hospital LC, I gave her formula during our last full hospital day. She improved enough to be discharged, but had dropped to 7lb 8oz (she was born at 8lb 6oz).

We were at the ped every other day for pretty much the first 2 weeks. She'd sometimes gain an ounce or two, and sometimes remain the same. Once she had lost a couple of oz. I was nursing her every feeding and following it with a little formula. When she had gained at weight checks, my ped (also LC) had me cut back on the formula. Next weight check, there'd be no improvement. It continued on like this for about the first 3 weeks. I was trying everything - nursing constantly, pumping, more milk plus, goats rue, oatmeal. Still not enough. The pumping sessions where the milk didnt even cover the bottom of the bottle killed me.

So around 3 weeks the ped/LC advised that we had tried our best and it was time to up the formula significantly. So that's what we did. At her 1 month visit, she was finally back up to her birth weight. And since then, my ravenous bear has shot all the way to the 87th percentile in weight. I feel bad she wasn't getting enough in the beginning - poor thing has the appetite of a grown man!

With the support of the ped/LC, and of course my DH, I continued nursing/FFing at every feeding until she was 2 months old. After that, I slowly tapered down to nursing 3x a day, then 2x a day. As her 3 month birthday approached, shortly before I went back to work, she started to get miserable and restless with the BFing. I am sure it was because she was hungry and barely getting anything. She would latch for a minute and then pull off, screaming. I also got that nasty stomach bug, which made my supply dwindle even more.

On the day she turned 3 months, we had our last nursing session. She cried out of hunger, and I cried out of defeat.

I know I did the best I could, and I still don't regret my breast reduction... but it still hurts, even now, as she's about to turn 5 months.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

All your stories are making me tear up. You all did so good and it is obvious from your words how hard you all tried. Please be proud of what you accomplished!!!

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

This is my story:

On the surface I was very successful. My milk came in quickly, my kids learned to latch well, and I never had a supply issue. I even pumped well.

However, I have D-MER. That stands for dysphoric milk-ejection reflex. It basically means that right before, during and right after my let down, I get very very strong feelings of depression and anxiety, the complete opposite of the feelings of contentment and euphoria most women feel. I dreaded every single feeding and cried all the time. It was torture.

I was able to BF my son for five months before the feelings became too much, and I only made it to three months with my daughter. Not being able to stick it out and BF them for at least a year is something that saddens me nearly every day, and my daughter is two years old already.

After I stopped BFing my daughter, I found an online support group and some solutions to help curb the D-MER, so if I ever have another kid, I'll try to EBF them - something that should be easier since I am a SAHM now and I won't have to pump.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Thank you for starting this thread. I really did feel like I was the only one who was unable to breastfeed my child.

Here is my story:

I had every intention on BFing and not giving DD a pacifier or a bottle until she was at least 3 weeks old to try to avoid nipple confusion.

DD was born via c/s and I made it clear to the nursing staff that she was not to have a pacifier or a bottle and that I was going to EBF.

Our first nursing session was ok. She had a hard time latching on but the nurses at the hospital were so supportive and helped me get her to latch. Every time I tried to feed her I would have a nurse come in to make sure I was getting her to latch properly because it just didn't feel right.

From day 1 I asked for the LC to come by my room because I just had a feeling I was going to have an issue with supply. The LC came by the day after DD was born and showed me a bunch of methods to get DD to latch. I thought we were doing ok. I would squeeze my nipples and a little colostrum would come out, so to me I thought everything was going well.

The next day the doctors said she was losing a lot of weight and to try to nurse her more often. So that is what I did. That evening she would just cry and cry and I didn't understand why. I had nursed her on and off for two hours. Finally around 10pm that night I gave in and asked for a pacifier--and I cried.

DD slept for a few hours and I did too. Then she woke up at 1am hungry so I started nursing her again. I nursed her for 4 hours. Every time she would nurse for 15 minutes on each side and then fall asleep I would lay her down and then she would wake up screaming--for 4 hours! I didn't know what to do and the nurses kept coming in to help me make sure she was latching. But I knew she had to be hungry and she wasn't getting enough from me. So I gave in and asked for formula--and I cried. When I gave DD the nursette the expression on her face was like "oh, this is what it feels like to have food in my belly".

I was so upset and disappointed and felt like a failure. The two things I didn't want to do I did--Pacifier and Bottle. I called my DH and just cried. He was so sweet and always tries to make me laugh when I am upset. He was like "You did what you had to do for your child. She was hungry and you fed her. If she was born with one arm, wouldn't you do everything you could to get her another arm?"---that did make me laugh.

That morning the LC came and I cried to her too. She was so supportive and said that I did the right thing for my baby. She suggested that I nurse, supplement and pump. She got me a hospital pump and showed me how to use it. She asked me if my breasts got any larger during my pregnancy and I told her no. I said that was one of the things I was looking forward to being pregnant--having boobs! She said that the shape of my breasts and the fact that they did not grow at all during and after pregnancy was an indication that I may have a supply problem but not to give up.

So I didn't give up. I would nurse, FF and pump. When I was discharged from the hospital I rented a hospital grade pump from BRU instead of opening the one I received at my shower just in case my supply didn't come in so I could return the pump.

I nursed, FF and pumped for a month. When I would pump I got literally nothing.....there wasn't even enough to kinda cover the bottom of the bottle. At that point I was no longer mad at myself because I knew that I tried and that my supply never came in and I had to feed my DD. She lost a little over a pound in the hospital and was back to her birth weight within the first two weeks. Knowing that she was gaining the weight and was healthy was all that mattered to me.

She is now almost a year old and is in the 75th percentile for Weight and Height.

ETS: Sorry for the long post..I didn't realize it was this long until I posted it.

Message edited 3/14/2012 9:51:40 AM.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

to all of you.

I had a very difficult time and while I eventually managed to be able to nurse, I was an unsuccessful pumper and every bottle he had was a mix of formula and as much bm as I could squeeze out of these puppies.

I know how difficult and defeating and life draining it feels.

we all can only do up to what our bodies will allow us to do. as long as you have brought yourself to that limit, you are NOT unsuccessful, you are a mother.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

I had every intention of BFing my twins and I was so excited about doing it. They were born at 36 weeks by emergency C-section due to my cholestastis and HELLP syndrome. One DS was in the NICU on a feeding tube and the other DS wouldn't latch. I met with an LC, pumped in the hospital and rented a hospital grade pump when we got home. My problem is that my milk never came in, at all. I tried and tried and tried and I got nothing. A couple of drops each time. It was the most heartbreaking thing. My body wouldn't work. I am getting choked up now just thinking about it.

Sometimes I feel like I didn't try hard enough. That I should have done more pumping sessions. I was very overwhelmed. It is a big regret, but my boys are happy and healthy and I'm sure I'll have lots more regrets as they grow up LOL.

to all.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Well i have not one but 2 of these stories b/c EBF didn't work out for me with either of my girls.

DD#1 had a hard time latching, lost a lot of weight (went from 8-4 to 7-7), got jaundice...BF her in the ped office for 1/2 hour and no weight change at all. Had to brought back to the hospital for 48 hours at 4 days old b/c she stopped breathing and lips turned blue and I called 911. Never got more than an ounce pumping. I gave her as much as I could but totally stopped just shy of her being 4 months old.

DD#2 BF her right after I gave birth...latched great. They brought her to the nursery and a couple minutes later a pediatrician comes and tells me she had to go to NICU for low sugar(she was born 9lb 9.5 oz and they say it's common for larger babies to have this)...didn't have her with me the whole day and first night. So she started getting formula. She also was hospitalized twice in her 1st 2 weeks of life for fever, combined with my older DD who didn't take too well with the new baby for the first few weeks and there you have it. I think she got about 50-50 BM/formula while I was on my leave...now that I am back to work I pump twice while at work(get anywhere from 3-5 oz's total), nurse her when I get home, give her what i pumped and nurse overnight and in the morning...at daycare she takes about 16 oz's of formula per day. She is 4 months old and I guess I will continue for as long as I can-but many times want to just give up.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Great Thread. Thank you for starting it.

I had every intention of EBF took a BF class at the hospital, wonderful LC there, met with the LC every day I was in the hospital. DD seemed to latch good but she killed my nipples the LC was even shocked as to what she did to them so even though good latch still pain. Started using a nipple shield but DD would want to nurse for hours. She lost weight at her first post hospital check up and seemed to be crying and or nursing all the time. We met with the LC again, she suggested ways to repair my nipples and confirmed latch was okay. I seemed to have milk. Follow up ped visit DD lost more weight. Started supplementing with formula for 1 feeding and pumping. Crying ceased and baby was much happier (she was just hungry and her marathon nursing sessions were hurting me). I would pump after every feeding and would get maybe an ounce and a half total. Started taking fenu greek didn't work, started more milk plus and mothers milk tea, no real change, oatmeal, etc... nothing really worked. at best I think I got 8 ounces total a day or two bottles. started adding more bottles of formula because it made her happy and happy baby equals happy mom. Then it slowly started decreasing to where I got a bottle a day and then eventually (at 8 weeks) it was taking me two days to get 1 bottle. I tried holding her while I pumped, feeding her on one side and pumping the other side and it made no difference. I finally gave up at like 8.5 weeks. I had no issues stopping because i had like no milk.

DH was very supportive and so were our families. My mom had similar issues with me but went on to BF my brother for 2 + years so I have a lot of hope for the next time.

I still feel guilt even though she is happy and healthy and developing great. I did the best I could and I know I tried everything I could but it really still stings the way those who have strong opinions about BFing can make you feel like a failure.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

All these stories are bringing tears to my eyes by how much I can relate.

I wanted to EBF so badly. In the hospital, I refused any and all pacifiers and bottles to avoid nipple confusion. He was born tongue tied so he wasnt a great latcher from the start but I didnt feel like I had a clue what I was doing either. I definitely didn't feel like I got the help I needed in the hospital. DS was born 8lbs even and was 7.6 with a tinge of jaundice when we left the hospital 2 days later.

He had so much trouble with latching when we got home from the hospital but I kept at it only giving BM with the help of friends and family. By our first ped appointment at 4 days old DS had lost a full pound and looked like an oompa loompa he was so jaundice. My milk had just started to come in so the LC at the ped office sat with me for an hour helping me get him to latch, showing me the nipple shield and techniques to entice him by dropping formula in the end of it and in his mouth with a medicine dropper. This was a huge help but still he would screen bloody murder when I tried to get him to latch. They literally had me forcing his head to my breast. It was so upsetting for me. Once he got a taste of that formula, he would finally latch to the shield. Sometimes this took 20 minutes of fighting him. Not to mention my breast were in EXTREME pain. It felt like razor blades were coming out of my nipples every time he nursed. Nursing became so dreadful. I began pumping more than nursing because of the pain and aggravation of getting him to latch and the need to know how much he was getting since he was losing so much weight.

On top of the struggle to get him to latch, we almost had to admit him back in the hospital for Jaundice but we were able to get a Biliblanket out to our house that night so he could be home under the lights. My son was plugged into the wall every second of the day for 5 days straight while a nurse came out to prick his foot and take his weight each day. This made everything we did for him a challenge.

At 3 weeks old we had his tongue clipped by an ENT and that was the first time ever I did not have to fight him a good 10-20 minutes to latch. By this time my breast still were in extreme pain and it was not just when he latched anymore, it was chronic! It felt like razor blades in my nipples and shooting pains down my whole breast at all times! There were a few times I would pump and blood would spray out with the milk. I was in so much pain I couldn't sleep. I was taking the percocet just to sleep at night. I went to my doctor to be tested for thrush and he told me it was not that. This didnt subside until another month!

I gave DS his first bottle of formula probably around 3 weeks. He was losing too much weight. I was told to top him off with it. I couldnt handle not knowing how much he was getting. It never seemed I could give him enough. I dont think I ever really could because we had so many obstacles in the way which in my opinion affected my supply from the start.

DS was 80% BF and 20% FF from 3 weeks until about 8 weeks when I returned to work. I got my period 5 weeks pp and I think that on top of returning to work really did a number on the small supply I had to begin with.

By 3 months DS was 50% BF / 50% FF.

By 5 months, I pumped 0.5 oz after 4 hours...I tearfully threw in the towel. By then, DS didn't even seem interested in the boob anymore. I still to this day suffer tons of guilt and sadness because of it and like others, I make all his baby food homemade and organic and try to do right by him in every other way possible. Its all we really can do.

Thanks for sharing your stories ladies!!

Message edited 3/14/2012 12:38:35 PM.

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

I was also unsuccessful.

DS would not latch properly. I got infected and masistis and all that crazy stuff.

I decided to exclusively pump. Well that worked great for a few days but slowly my supply started dwindling and quick. I drank the tea, I took fenugreek and other supplements and nothing would increase my supply. I was pumping 10 times a day and getting an maybe 3 ounces a day until I literally pumped myself dry and nothing would come out (at about a month).

I do carry guilt and I know that for my next child I will take a class and really work to get my baby to latch properly. There is no way to know of course but I believe that had DS been feeding from my nipple and not pumping I would have had a better supply bc he would have stimulated my nipple better than the pump, but again maybe my supply would suck either way.

I am grateful to have a healthy, thriving, big boy but I do wish he was BF for longer.

But I try to remind myself that I was FF and I have a great immune system and and not too dumb

Re: The OFFICIAL Unsuccessful Breastfeeding support thread.

Posted by DiamondGirl

But I try to remind myself that I was FF and I have a great immune system and and not too dumb